


Mr. Mysterious (Ziam AU)

by roycestfu



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Alternate Universe - High School, But Liam saved Him, M/M, Niall and Zayn are non-biological brothers, POV Multiple, Zayn in an abusive relationship with Jason
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-02-26 03:02:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 54,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2635598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roycestfu/pseuds/roycestfu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was only one way to describe Zayn Malik; mysterious. HE had the whole school wrapped around his little finger. Zayn was no bully, no, he wouldn’t hurt a fly – unless it threatened him or someone he cared about. But his leather jackets, his dark sunnies the quiet brooding look... It had every girl walking the halls staring at him as he passed. Zayn didn’t speak much outside of his small group of close friends, but when he did, everyone listened. No one was scared of him, so much as intimidated; there was just something about him that drew everyone to him, and he knew it.</p><p>There was no denying that the boy liked the attention, the girls giggling and pointing, the boys sending him jealous stares, some even staring the way the girls did. He strived on the attention, on the adoration, he needed it. There were reasons behind Zayn’s quite mysterious persona though, he just wasn’t quite ready to give them away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ~One: The boy with the brown eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not my story and I do not own anything in this story! This was a deleted fan fiction by _justagirldreaming from wattpad all credit goes to her and her outstanding works! I loved this fic so much and I just wanted to share it to others who have not read it yet!

**Prologue**

 

There was only one way to describe Zayn Malik; mysterious. HE had the whole school wrapped around his little finger. Zayn was no bully, no, he wouldn’t hurt a fly – unless it threatened him or someone he cared about. But his leather jackets, his dark sunnies the quiet brooding look... It had every girl walking the halls staring at him as he passed. Zayn didn’t speak much outside of his small group of close friends, but when he did, everyone listened. No one was scared of him, so much as intimidated; there was just something about him that drew everyone to him, and he knew it.

There was no denying that the boy liked the attention, the girls giggling and pointing, the boys sending him jealous stares, some even staring the way the girls did. He strived on the attention, on the adoration, he needed it. There were reasons behind Zayn’s quite mysterious persona though, he just wasn’t quite ready to give them away.

 

 

**[Zayn]**

“HURRY UP!” A thick Irish accent sounded through the bathroom door, followed by the fist banging against the wood.

I smirked in the mirror. Niall was right on time. Every school morning his alarm went off, he hit the snooze ten minutes and then he screamed at me to get out of the bathroom at twenty past eight. I’d learnt to be ready by then. Chuckling to myself I pulled open the down and stepped aside, letting him take over the bathroom, he didn’t even wait for me to get out before he started stripping off. I shook my head and left the room, walking down stairs to the kitchen where I was met with the smell of bacon.

“Morning Zayn,” Maura greeted, smiling over her shoulder at me.

“Morning,” I smiled at the woman who took me in.

“Last year! Excited?”

“To go back to school? Never!” I laughed sitting down and grabbing something to eat.

Twenty minutes later Niall was shouting at me to get into the car and drive him to school, so I shrugged on my jacket and grabbed my shades off the coffee table in the lounge before racing out to humour the boy that had become my brother.

“Calm down,” I said falling into the driver’s seat and starting the car.

I knew why I was so excited, I didn’t know why he was.

“I hear there’s a cute new boy in town,” Niall wiggled his eyebrows at me.

“Oh, hoping that he’ll be at our school are you Nialler?” I laughed pulling out the driveway and starting towards the school.

Niall aimed a hit at me, but he didn’t take my implication personally, and with good reason. I wasn’t exactly straight, I wasn’t gay either. Niall and I just didn’t label me. I didn’t care who I fell for, if I loved someone, I loved them, and that’s all there was too it. I pulled up in the student parking lot, the smile playing on my lips.

“Get your game on,” Niall winked.

“Please!” I scoffed, “You love the man I am in this place,”

Niall laughed and shook his head, pulling his guitar from the back seat he began literally skipping towards the school. I shut the door and made my way over slower, enjoying the pointing and the whispering as I walked past groups of girls. I smiled to the ground as I walked, knowing full well it would make them swoon. I swaggered up the steps into the building, and was greeted by a curly haired, green eyed boy at the doors.

“Harry! My man!” I raised a hand and he slapped me a hi-5.

Harry Styles has been my best friend since I moved here, I tell him everything. Well almost everything – there are some things in my life better left a secret. Together, we had everyone wrapped around our little fingers. Harry was the charmer, the big sparkly eyes, the dimples and childish smile. He was just adorable, and he knew it. When there was a girl who wasn’t into me, she was into Harry. We were greeted with nods and shouts as we walked through the halls and up a flight of stairs to our lockers.

“How was your holiday, mate?” Harry asked, slapping me on the shoulder.

I shrugged, I didn’t want to go into detail, there was too much he didn’t know, too much I wasn’t ready to explain.

“Lame, would have been better if you were around man! How was Paris?” I asked as we got to our lockers and began spinning the combinations.

“The babes!” Harry clutched his heart dramatically and clung to his locker so he wouldn’t fall.

I let out a laughed and shook my head at the lad, he was really good humoured.

“Nah, Gem managed to drag me to every bloody store! But some of it was really cool! And I did meet a few girls,” Harry winked at me.

I smiled back examining the time table I’d been given at the end of last year.

“I have English first,” I pretended to gag.

“Phys Ed. Sorry mate.” Harry slapped me on the shoulder again and disappeared as the bell went.

I let out a sigh and grabbed a note book and pen before heading off to the room. Eyes followed me as I walked with my head down, it didn’t matter if I was confident or moody, I was a sight for sore eyes for some of the people here. I wasn’t stuck up, I’d just grown accustomed to it.

I fell into a chair in front of a pair of pretty girls, Danielle and Eleanor, I think. I heard them giggle and could practically feel them pointing in the air behind me.

“Hey, Zayn.” I looked up to find Perrie Edwards leaning over my table, her breasts in full view while she twirled her hair between her fingers and battered her eyelashes.

I looked her up and down, smirking. “Morning Perrie,”

“Mind if I sit here?” she pointed to the empty seat beside me.

I shrugged, pulling the seat out for her, earning a gasp from the girls behind me. I saw Perrie shoot them a wink. I knew the three weren’t friends so Perrie probably loved this. I was just humouring her though, she really wasn’t much interest to me.

“How was your break?” she purred, leaning closer again.

“Uneventful,” I stated, twisting my pen between my fingers and slumping down in my chair to get comfortable.

“Why don’t I believe that?” she began fiddling with my jacket.

I just shrugged again, “Dunno babe, you tell me.”

Perrie seemed to be thinking about that one, it looked slightly painful and I felt sorry for her, but I also found it rather entertaining. Before she could come up with another flirty response the door opened and another student wandered in. I looked up to see someone unfamiliar.

And he was the most beautiful boy I’d ever laid eyes on.

 

 

 

`

**~One: The boy with the brown eyes.**

Light jeans, plaid blue shirt. He had his hands shoved deep in his pockets, a black backpack loosely slung over one shoulder. His light brown eyes flittered nervously around the room looking for an empty seat,a stray curl falling loosely over his eyes as he moved his head. I had the urge to knock Perrie ti the floor and offer my seat to the boy, but I resisted for two reasons. One, it would probably freak him out. Two, I could not, and I mean I really, truly couldn’t; allow myself to be attracted to this stranger. I tore my gaze away before he or anyone else noticed my staring. Behind me Danielle and Eleanor started whispering, so I listened in on their conversation to distract myself.

“Is he new?” Eleanor asked.

“I think so, I’ve never seen him before…” I could almost picture the smirk.

“He’s cute,” Eleanor giggled. She was right. _Stop that Zayn._

“I see that. Go sit somewhere else? This one’s mine.”

I heard Eleanor grumbling and a seat scrapping before she walked past and sat down next to another girl at the table in front of me and Perrie.

“Hey, new kid.” Danielle waved the boy over.

The nameless boy raised his eyebrows at her as he looked her up and down, but his expression quickly turned to a please grin and he casually walked over to the seat Eleanor had just vacated. Perrie was trying to subtly watch the attractive new boy over her shoulder, I didn’t want to be so obvious, so I continued to eavesdrop.

“I’m Danni,” she purred.

“Liam.” The boy introduced himself.

 _Liam_. That was nice, that suited him…

_Stop it Zayn! You know you can’t think about him like that._

**_Oh, what’s the harm? I don’t even know him, it means nothing!_ **

_There’s a lot of harm, you know how he gets!_

**_How will he know? He’s not here! And I won’t be telling him!_ **

_Don’t kid yourself, you know the second you take off those sunglasses he can read you like an open book. You let all you emotions show in your eyes._

**_I know…_ **

_So stop it._

**_I’ll try!_ **

When I finished my internal argument Perrie was slumping in her seat with her arms crossed and a childish pout on her face as she stared at the front of our class where Mrs Roberts was now writing up book options for our new assignment.

“What’s wrong babe?” I laughed at her expression.

“Shut up Malik.” She muttered.

“Ooohh, feisty! Somebody changed their tune.” I laughed at her again before ignoring her and staring blankly at the whiteboard.

The class passed slowly, Danielle continued to flirt with Liam behind me, while Eleanor and her friend pushed aside her sour mood about twenty minutes in and decided to go back to flirting with me, I didn’t ignore her, but I tried  to keep it short, I didn’t want to let my image slip. Finally the bell rung, and I left the room. Perrie linked her arm through mine as we walked out the door, I raised my eyebrows at her and tried to push her off before I heard an angelic voice behind me.

“Are those two together?” Liam whispered to someone.

A girl scoffed, “She wishes! That’s Zayn, he’s…” she let out a dreamy sigh and I smirked to myself.

“Oh, so he’s _that_ guy.” Liam concluded. What did he mean by that?!

“The perfect one that everyone wants and no one has a chance with? Yeah,”

“Good to know who my competition is,” I heard Liam laugh.

I shook my head, if anyone thinks they can compete with me they’ve got something else coming. Prying myself from Perrie’s grip and ignoring her eyelash batting I headed up a flight of stairs to the floor my locker was on.

“How was English?” Harry greeted with a smirk.

“Don’t even remember it,” I rolled my eyes at him with a grin.

Harry shook his head of curls, “Typical,” he said, eyes trailing after a girl walking by.

“Typical,” I mocked, giving him a light shove.

“Math?” Harry asked, looking at his timetable.

“Yes! We actually have a class together!”

“You know, I don’t know why everyone thinks you’re so quiet and mysterious,” Harry shook his head.

I pulled out my sunnies and placed them over my eyes, wiping the grin of my face and putting on a blank expression.

“Because, that’s what I want them to think,”

Niall walked past, his guitar strapped around his shoulders, strumming a tune as he walked. I wasn’t surprised to see him playing in the hallways, that was something he always did, sometimes I wondered if he ever put the guitar down. I was surprised however to see him walk towards my Math room.

“Hey dork!” I shouted at him.

Niall whipped around and pretended to look hurt, shooting back at me, “Hey fag!”

I hit the back of his head as I reached him and grabbed him in a headlock.

“Ahhh! Watch the guitar!  Careful! Careful!” Niall cried out.

I held back my cheery laugh and smirked at him as I let him go, swaggering my way into the classroom and falling into a seat at the back. Harry dropped down beside me and began making paper airplanes. Niall sat down on the table across from us, a massive smile plastered on his face.

“What are you so happy about?” I asked, leaning over.

Niall shrugged and looked to his other side where a boy was sitting down. I didn’t  recognise him, but Niall started chatting away happily, so I left them to it. Harry had successfully finished one of his planes and was now aiming it at the teacher’s desk. He missed and hit another student square in the back of his head. I muffled a laugh as the boy at the front of the class shrunk down in his chair without looking around.

 

 

**[Harry]**

I wasn’t aiming for the kid at the front of the class, honestly I wanted it to land on Ms Flack’s desk, I had profanities written in it! I thought it’d be a laugh if she read them out in an attempt to find out whose plane it was. The boy shrunk down in his chair without looking around and I instantly felt guilty, sure I could get away with anything, but I didn’t want to make anyone unhappy, that’s not what I was about! Never has been, never will be! So I got out of my chair and walked to the front of the room, bending down to pick up my paper plane on the way, I stepped around in front of the boy. I’d never seen him before in my life, neither had I experienced the feeling I did when I laid eyes on him. I think my heart stopped. He was gorgeous, and I never use that word to describe guys, but there just wasn’t anything else to say, he had tanned skin that seemed to glow on him, brilliant blue eyes, but there was something sad about them that made me want to wrap my arms around him and hug him close to me until they were sparking like I knew they should be. My eyes trailed quickly over his features before he looked up, taking him all in, his cheekbones, his feathery brown and golden hair, his pink lips, the cute shape of his nose. I bit my lip, suddenly feeling nervous about apologizing.

“Hey,” I smiled, before he looked up and saw me staring, “Sorry, didn't mean to hit you,” I feebly held up the paper plane so he knew what I was talking about.

The boy looked up at me with his lifeless blue eyes. “That’s okay, I’m used to it.”

“Oh…” I didn’t really know what to say until I realised what he’d said, “What?” I frowned down at him.

No one was bullied at this school, Zayn and I didn’t let that happen.

“Nothing,” the boy shook his head and looked back down at his desk.

The feeling I had before built up inside me again, he looked so sad and broken. I wanted to fix him to make him smile. I didn’t know why, I had no idea what it was, there was just something about that made me feel like he needed someone, needed something.

“Take a seat Mr Styles,” I heard Ms Flack’s sickly voice behind me.

“See ya man…” I said to the boy, as I made my way back to Zayn.

The dark haired boy was staring at the doorway when I slumped back in my seat. I saw some guy standing there looking around the room. His eyes landed on the boy at the front of the room and he walked over and sat down holding out his hand. After a few moments he made the boy smile, and I felt a surge of jealousy run through me.

 _That should be me_ I thought to myself. I suddenly realised what I’d been thinking and was hit with a wave of shock. I’d never thought this way about a boy before, but staring at the back of his head I longed to see that smile again _. Well, this is new…_

 

 

**[Zayn]**

Really? Two classes in a row? Liam stood in the doorway looking perfect as his nervous glances flittered around the room again. This time he went to sit with the boy Harry had been talking to moments before. They began talking and I couldn’t help but feel jealous.

 

_No, you don’t feel jealous. You don’t feel anything. You can’t. Remember._

**_I can’t exactly control it!_ **

_Well you’re going to have to, because you sure as hell need to._

**_It’s not like I’m doing anything!_ **

_It doesn’t matter, you know it doesn’t. He’ll be angry._

**_No he won’t…_ **

_Yes he will._

**_I know._ **

_I know._

**_Okay…_ **

I definitely hadn’t expected this twist when I got up this morning. I tried to push all the thoughts to the back of my mind as I sat silently at the back of the classroom, slumping in my seat and fiddling aimlessly with a pen. Harry was leaning back on the back legs of his seat with his feet on the tale, I think he was contemplating taking a nap, because his eyes were closed and he had his arms crossed over his chest, but there was an unusual frown on his face that didn’t quite belong. That made me slightly nervous.

I observed the room quietly from my spot, it’s just what I did, there was nothing else to do, because I sure as hell wasn’t going to pay attention to Ms Flack. It’s not that I hated math, or didn’t want to learn – quite the opposite actually. I’m rather intelligent, I was taking a basic level of maths, I already knew this. So I didn’t have to pay attention.

I noticed Niall was passing notes to the boy beside him, both of them smiling stupidly down at the paper before scribbling a reply and handing it back. I couldn’t decide if it was cute or weird so I resolved to ask him about it later, they could be talking about zombie apocalypse for all I knew! Liam was intently watching as Ms Flack explained different trigonometry rules on the whiteboard, the boy beside him had his arms crossed on the table and seemed to be asleep on them. Everyone else was either scribbling down their own notes or yawning. The hour dragged by and more than once I found myself staring at the back of Liam’s head. I tried to push down the flood of emotions I was hit with every time. It was ridiculous, I’d never even spoken to him before! Finally we were free.

 

By the time lunch rolled around I was exhausted, I’d sat through double history where my monotone teacher lectured us about some event that happened in China. It actually put me to sleep, so now I was dragging my feet trying to keep from lapsing back into the slumber. I spotted Harry sitting on a table with his feet on the seat. He made eye contact with me and pointed to his tray to show me he’d gotten food for me, so I made my way straight over and used the seat as a step to sit up beside him.

“Did you fall asleep?” Harry asked, noticing my tired movements.

I nodded at him and looked around the cafeteria to spot Niall skipping towards us, guitar in hand – as always.

“Hi!” He cheered happily, scratching the hair beneath his snapback

“How’s it going?” Harry asked the Irish lad.

Niall shrugged and grinned at us, climbing up beside us and resting his guitar in his arms so that he could play. I rolled my eyes, even though I was used to it, sometimes Niall using the combination of me and his guitar to get girls got a little annoying. He could play all he liked as long as he didn’t follow me around to pull away all the nice ones. Not that I minded him stealing the girls, I wasn’t exactly looking for a girlfriend, or a boyfriend. It just would be nice to feel wanted rather than used by my own brother. I tried to ignore him and talk to Harry, but he had that same uncomfortable smile on his face as before.

“Harry? You okay mate?” I asked nervously.

I hated seeing him anything but happy.

“Weird…” Harry muttered to himself, shaking his head.

I raised my eyebrows at him, “Harry?”

“What? Oh! Yeah, I’m just, a little out of it. Tired, y’know?” Harry lied straight to my face.

I nodded understandingly, but an uncomfortable feeling was clawing at my insides. Something was wrong, and he was keeping it from me. Not that I was could hold that against him when I kept part of my life hidden every day, but this was different, Harry was clearly unhappy about something.

Beside us Niall was singing Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran, a few people were listening to him, the same boy as in maths was there too, staring intently at him as he smiled down at the neck of his guitar, I was clearly missing something in both the boy’s lives, but this morning I’d known every little detail! What could have possibly changed in the last hours?

I would have given it more thought, but as I turned to Harry to press the matter further Liam walked past, the boy he sat with in our maths class was by his side. The two of them were laughing about something. They looked genuinely happy in each other’s company. I was hit with another surge of jealousy, followed quickly by an overwhelming feeling of guilt and fear.

_You’re really in for it now…_

**_Maybe he won’t notice…?_ **

_You know he will._

**_Maybe not…_ **

_He’s not going to be happy with you after this._

**_This time it might be different!_ **

_…You say that every time… It never is._

**_But maybe this time…_ **

_And maybe not._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More chapters are ready to come! I'll post them soon as i receive some feedbacks!


	2. ~Two: The psychology project

**[Liam]**

I hated the idea of beginning at a new school, in all honesty I just wanted to go back to home, but I knew that wasn’t a possibility. I was stuck here, at least until I finished my last year of school. I knew I could make the best of it. I’d actually been pretty popular at my old school, but that was really only after everyone found out I was rich. I didn’t want people here to know that, I wanted them to think I was a normal kid, to like me for who I was rather than the number in my bank account. I was standing outside my first class, at least English was an easy way to start the day. I took a deep breath, trying to push back my shaking nerves before reaching out and opening the door, stepping inside the half full classroom. I automatically shoved my hands in my jean pockets and began scanning the room for an empty seat. As my eyes flickered around I noticed a rather attractive boy watching me, looking me up and down. I felt my stomach twist uncomfortably as he stared at me and made sure not to make eye contact. The two girls at the table behind him were whispering rather loudly about me. The paler one stood up with a grumpy sour expression and moved to a new seat,

“Hey, new kid.” The remaining girl waved me over.

I raised my eyebrows at her, giving her a once over, she was attractive. Thin, it looked like she’d be tall when she stood up. Shorts were showing off her tanned legs beneath the desk, and her face was framed with insane curls. I let a f=grin slide across my face and tried to look casual as I went to take the recently vacated seat beside her.

“I’m Danni,” she purred.

“Liam.” I smiled widely at her.

“So you’re new?” she rested her chin in her palm, propped up on the table with her elbow.

“Yeah, just moved here,”

“Ooh, that’s cool. I could show you around if you like?” I couldn’t tell if she was trying to flirt or genuinely being nice.

“I prefer to figure things out for myself,” I smiled, earning myself a pout for her – it was actually kind of cute.

“Maybe after school though?”

“Sure!” Danni sat upright, smiling happily at me.

I heard the boy in front of me begin talking to the blonde beside him “What’s wrong babe?” he laughed, sounding less than genuine.

“Shut up Malik.” She muttered.

“Ooohh, feisty! Somebody changed their tune.” He teased her.

I felt another uncomfortable twist in my stomach that I couldn’t explain. Weird…

The class seemed to fly by, Danielle kept me pretty entertained, muttering about all the kids at school under her breath so the teacher wouldn’t scold her. When the bell rung Danielle was headed in the opposite direction to me, so I told her I’d meet her after school and we parted ways. I couldn’t help but notice I was walking behind the boy who’d been staring at me. The blonde had her arm linked through his arm and he was looking down at her with a funny expression. A girl beside me sighed wistfully, staring at the sight in front of us.

“Are those two together?” I tried to ask her quietly.

She looked a bit shocked to be addressed and then scoffed, “She wishes! That’s Zayn, he’s…” she let out a dreamy sigh and I rolled my eyes.

“Oh, so he’s _that_ guy.” I concluded.

The jock, the big tough guy, the one all the girls want, the one to avoid in thehall.

“The perfect one that everyone wants and no one has a chance with? Yeah,” she sighed again.

“Good to know who my competition is,” I laughed, trying to get a smile from her.

The boy in front of me shook the girl off and headed up a flight of stairs while I turned left. It explained why he was looking at me, seizing up the new kid to see if there was anything to be nervous about. Well, wasn’t going to give him any trouble, I wasn’t that kind of guy, I just hoped he wouldn’t give me any either. I examined my timetable and deduced that my next class was on the third floor. Tugging books from my locker I made my way up to my maths class. I got there just after the teacher told a boy off for talking at the front of the class. Zayn was there, sitting at the back of the class, the curly haired boy who got told off was now making his way back to him. I tried to ignore it as I felt Zayn’s gaze boring into me while I searched for a seat. There was an empty one beside the kid the curly haired boy had been talking to, he looked kind of lonely, so I made my way over and sat down.

“Hi, I’m Liam,” I held my hand out.

“Louis,” the boy slowly shook it. “You’re new aren’t you?”

“Y’know, that seems to be the only thing people say, I wouldn’t mind a ‘You’re handsome, aren’t you?’ every now and then!” I laughed, and surprisingly, so did the boy.

“Oh! I’m so sorry! You’re rather good looking lad, aren’t you? I wouldn’t mind me a piece of that!” Louis winked and we both began to laugh at each other, instantly feeling comfortable.

When the lesson began, Louis put his head down on the table and I think he went to sleep, so I didn’t disturb him, I figure maths wasn’t really his thing. It wasn’t really mine either, so I couldn’t blame him. I glanced around the room a few times and each time Zayn was staring at me. I could feel his stare on the back of my head and it made me nervous, because I didn’t understand why it was there. It made the lesson go painfully slow, but I tried to block out the uncomfortable feeling and focus on what I was supposed to be learning.

 

I was in a pretty good mood when lunch approached, sitting through the last fifteen minutes of Literature with Louis. We’d buddied up and were reading out Macbeth to each other as it was set as our analysis assessment. Louis was getting  really into it, each of his characters had a different voice, and his emotions sounded so real. I could tell he was just having a laugh with it, but he was definitely enjoying it. I stuck by him at lunch, not wanting to be on my own in the crowd just yet.

“You don’t have to hang out with me, y’know?” Louis said as we found a table to sit at.

“If you don’t want me to-“ I began, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

“No! it’s just… I don’t have many friends… People don’t really like me… They think I’m weird.” Louis admitted, staring sheepishly at the food on his tray.

“I think you’re weird too!” I declared, “But I like it. I think you’re cool.” I grinned at him.

Louis let out a sigh and looked over his shoulder at something. “I wish more people thought that.”

“you just gotta show them!” I encouraged, I didn’t like seeing the change, twenty minutes ago we’d been laughing; now he looked lost.

“I’d never be given the time of day…”

I caught on after a moment, “Is this about a girl?” I tried to wiggle my eyebrows at him, but I think I just looked like an idiot.

Louis bit his lip and looked away, “…A guy…”

I almost choked, but managed to swallow. Louis began to stand up, so I quickly sculled some water to get my voice back.

“Wait, Louis, don’t go! I’m sorry, I was just shocked!” I pleaded with him, immediately feeling awfully guilty, that must have hurt him.

“It’s okay, if you don’t wa-“ he began

“Sit back down Tomlinson! You’re my only friend here, you can’t just ditch me,” I laughed.

Slowly, and looking at me incredulously, Louis sunk back down on the plastic bench.

“So can I ask you something?” I asked, noticing Zayn’s eyes on me again.

Louis looked a little nervous, but nodded.

“What’s the deal with Zayn? He keeps giving me weird looks…”

Louis tensed up a bit, I immediately felt nervous, I didn’t want this to be a touchy topic. Why had he tensed up?

“Zayn? Nobody really knows what his deal is; I don’t even think he knows. He’s… different.” Louis told me while playing absently with his food.

I was intrigued though, I could still feel the unsettling feeling of his eyes on me and the twisting in my gut. But I didn’t understand it. There was something not quite right about the way he looked at me, about him. I wanted to understand. I felt an urgency to know everything about him.

“How’d you mean?” I pressed.

Louis shrugged, “Him and Harry have everyone wrapped around their pinkies!” he wiggled his little finger at me and sighed, “I don’t even know how. They’re good guys really. Never lay a finger on someone who doesn’t bring it on themselves. There’s just something about them, I guess.”

“Nice guys?” I asked incredulously, something didn’t feel quite right about that. “Harry, he’s the curly haired one right?” I asked.

Louis looked over his shoulder again and let out another small sigh, “Yeah…”

I glanced at Louis and then to the boy beside Zayn, he was fidgeting uncomfortably.

“Louis?” I asked, noting that he’s zoned out, “Is Harry the one who won’t give you the time of day?”

Louis didn’t have to answer, the crimson blush now covering his cheeks said it all.

“He doesn’t even know my name…”

I could hear the strain in his voice, and I wondered how deep his feelings really ran. Harry had been talking to Louis when I walked in to maths this morning, so I wasn’t quite sure that was true.

“Wasn’t he talking to you this morning? In math?” I asked.

Louis began chewing his lip as he nodded, “Yeah… Only because he hit me with a paper plane… He looked so uncomfortable…”

I could tell the conversation topic was distressing him, so I changed it, “Who’s the blonde?” I asked, nodding towards the boy with the guitar who was beside Zayn.

“Oh, that’s Niall! He’s pretty cool, I have drama with him, he just sits there with his guitat, sometimes he signs too. He’s pretty good. I don’t really know why Zayn and him are so close, sometimes they get really annoyed and shout at each other, other times it’s like their brothers. I think they live together, childhood friends, or something like that, I don’t really know. Why are you so interested?” Louis suddenly shot a question at me.

It caught me off guard, I really didn’t know why I was so interested, I just was. There was something about the way the dark boy held himself, something interesting, intriguing. He was mysterious, and I could tell there was something that made him tick, I just wanted to know what it was. I guess I was just curious, and his constant staring wasn’t helping.

“Do I have something on my face?” I asked Louis, ignoring his question.

“Oh, no, no! Don’t try dodge out of that one, why are you?”

“No! Seriously, he keeps staring at me and I have no idea why! It’s just making me curious…”

“Oh, well, you have nothing on your face.” Louis sighed, returning to his pathetic school supplied meal.

I glanced once more at Zayn to see if he was looking, before I knew it his dark brown eyes were boring into mine. I felt my breath catch in my throat and I suddenly couldn’t tear my eyes away. There was something dark there, something full of pain and suffering. He was surrounded by a wall, a wall I had the desire to knock down. He might be broken behind that wall, but I would help him, I would fix him.

_Why? Why do I want to help him…?_

Zayn turned his back to me again, and the loss of eye contact left me with a feeling of heavy dread.

“So, tell me about your family,” I smiled across at Louis and he instantly perked up at the conversation change, he seemed to be a real family guy as he talked about all his adventures and laugh with his younger sister, it made me smile.

The bell rung, signalling the end of lunch, with a sigh, Louis and I stood up and went our separate ways, he went to Psychology, I went to Phys Ed. I was actually looking forward to the class, I was pretty fit, and I liked to do what I was good at. I felt a nervous twist in my stomach when I walked across to the gym, noticing Zayn was headed in the same direction a little further forward. Maybe I could talk to him this lesson, ask why he kept staring. I was sure I couldn’t have done anything to annoy him yet, my first day wasn’t even over. I bit my lip and the nerves built up further, maybe I would.

 

**[Louis]**

I walked into Psychology with a rather large smile on my face, which was odd for me. Once upon a time I’d been the happy childish guy, I don’t know when everything changed, I think it’s when I began getting beat up on my way home from school every day. When the muttered whispers of ‘Fag’ started up as I passed in the hallway. No one would lay a finger on me at school, because they were scared of what might happen to them, or rather _who_. No one knew much about Zayn, but he looked threatening, and Harry looked like a cutie pie, but if you looked long enough you could see his muscular frame being hugged by his tight fitting shirts, and when he was angry his bright green eyes got all dark and cloudy. Just picturing it sent a shiver down my spine, and I dint have time to decipher if it was the good or bad kind before a curly haired boy with those exact eyes sauntered into the room. I inwardly groaned and lay my head on the table. Being in the same room as him was torture. He didn’t know my name, he never would… We would never even be friends. Sometimes I wondered if it was weird for me to feel the way when we’d never spoken, but hearing other people, seeing someone every day, watching them grow up, even if you aren’t friends, you can learn a lot about a person, you just have to look at the right things. My heart almost stopped when his mesmerising green eyes landed on me, he flashed a brilliant smile – dimples and all. I hung my head, trying to hide the bright red flush on my face. If he noticed it would possibly be the most embarrassing moment of my life. Someone dropped into the seat beside me, but I ignored them, they wouldn’t want to talk to me, whoever they were.

“Hey, I didn’t get your name earlier,” A deep dopey voice said.

My head snapped up to see Harry sitting beside me, leaning against the desk and waiting expectantly. My heart began pounding in my chest, and I was sure if he couldn’t see it fighting to break out of my chest he could hear it. Butterflies erupted in my stomach, beating their wings harshly against my insides.

“Are you okay?” Harry asked, his brow furrowing in concern.

My heart skipped a beat, was he really concerned?! Oh, if he was it meant I was in a state! I quickly tried to pull myself together, and managed a tiny cough.

“Yeah… Uhh…” Hadn’t he asked me something…? RIGHT! “Louis.” I pointed to myself.

Harry burst into a grin, bringing back his dimples even more than before, “I’m Harry.”

“I know,” I said before quickly looking away and scolding myself.

Harry just chuckled though, “yeah…” he nervously scratched the back of his neck, “So how come I’ve never seen you around before now?” he asked me.

I tried to keep my eyes from widening at him, why was he suddenly talking to me after hitting me with a paper plane!? I hardly said anything to him this morning! Fiddling with my fingers on top of the desk I focused on them.

“I like to keep to myself…” I admitted.

It was easier that way, but he didn’t know why.

“Oh…” Harry leant back in his chair looking somewhat disappointed. “You get on with that new kid though, don’t you?”

I was beyond shocked now, he’d noticed that? Sure I’d sat with him in our math class, but my head was on the table the entire time! And hadn’t Harry had his back to me all lunch?

“Umm, yeah… I guess so…” I really had no idea how to respond.

Sitting there I felt a thousand different little things, the nerves tingling in my arms, the butterflies in my stomach, the pounding in my chest, the crazy thoughts racing through my head, I just didn’t know what to make of it.

“What if I wanted you to get along with me, too?” Harry asked, I might have heard wrong, but he sounded scared, nervous, even a little upset.

A smile broke out across my face, I really couldn’t keep it any longer! How could anyone expect me to? Here was Harry Styles, the guy I’d been crushing on for years, basically saying, ‘I want you to be my friend’!! I couldn’t describe how ecstatic I was! It was like I was on cloud nine!

“I’d say ‘I’m sure we could arrange that’,” I beamed at him, not even caring that I was being obvious.

Harry opened his mouth to respond, his eyes suddenly sparkling when he was rudely interrupted by our Psychology teacher Mr Roberts clapping his hands together to draw the attention of the class forward.

“Alright, we’re beginning the new year with a project. Turn to the person beside you.”

The classroom filled with the sound of scraping chairs and mutters as people turned to face the person they were sharing a desk with. I bit my lip as I watched Harry’s green eyes searching my face, grazing over my features. The butterflies in my stomach started up harder than ever, leaving me feeling incredibly self-conscious, but I couldn’t look away from the gorgeous boy sitting before me.

“Raise your hand if you’re sitting with one of you good friends,” Mr Roberts instructed.

A few hands were slowly and cautiously raised above student’s heads, but mine and Harry’s stayed firmly at out sides.

“Everyone with their hands up, I want you to switch yourselves up a bit so you’re with someone you don’t know as well.”

There were confused mumbles as kids began moving around the room and plonking themselves down in different seats. I tried to focus on them rather than the firm gaze Harry held on me that was causing my stomach to do back flips. Why was he staring like that.

“Right!” Mr Roberts clapped his hands together to bring silence again, “The person you’re now facing is going to be your partner for the next three weeks.”

Harry grinned at me, flashing a wink before facing back to the front of the class.

“Partner for what, sir?” A girl at the front of the class asked, with her hand raised in the air.

“Excellent question,”Mr Roberts laughed, he was a good humoured man, tall, grey, hair, he had that English professor look going on with his vests and a bow tie.

“You’re going to spend the next three weeks ‘learning’ your partner. I expect you to spend two afternoons a week together, or a full day on the weekend, as well as multiple lunch times. Your job is to decipher them. Understand more than just their outer shell that we see every day in the school. You’ll then write up a report that addresses the external factors, the way they reason, moral standings and anything else you discover. Additionally, to add a little interest to this, you will write a biography that does not name your partner or their gender, and I will read them to the class to see who is most and least like the people we perceive them as, and where people are more different or similar to others than we expected.”

My eyes slowly grew wider and Mr Roberts explained the project to us, I would go from spending no time with Harry, to having to spend time with him after school to ‘learn’ each other. Fear began to build up inside me, bubbling it’s way to my surface. What if he didn’t like me? What if he turned out to be someone completely different? I glanced at Harry out of the corner of my eye and saw a pleased smirk plastered across his face. I gulped, something was sure to go wrong.

 

 

**[Zayn]**

When he walked into the gym behind me I think my heart stopped. This just wasn’t fair. Back-to-back Physical Education? Niall was standing beside me, waving a hand in front of my face as I stared at the boy walking through the gym doors and towards the locker room.

“You akay, bro?” he asked, sounding slightly concerned, but more bored than anything else.

I shook my head, “Just thinking.”

Why was I so captivated by someone I’d only laid eyes on this morning, I hadn’t said a word to him. But I already recognised his voice, and watched his every movement. This was beyond bad. I knew I wasn’t  feeling _feelings_ for him, because there were no butterflies, no twisting sensations or back flips. Yet, he was intriguing and I could never tear my eyes away.

_You need to put a stop to this, now. It can’t go on, you know it’ll end badly. Aren’t you scared?_

**_Of course I’m Scared, I’m bloody terrified… But…_ **

_No. No. No ‘but’s! You need to get this all out of your head, before it’s too late._

**_I know, I know! But how?! I can’t just flick a switch, it’s not that easy!_ **

_It’s going to have to be. You know what you have to do._

**_I don’t want to. That’s not who I am! I would feel awful. I don’t want to hurt anyone._ **

_Hurt? Why would he be hurt? He doesn’t know you. But if you let this go on, you know you’ll be the one hurting._

**_He might be bothered by it…_ **

_Liam will suck it up. You have to do this._

I knew the voice in my head were right, I’m the optimist and it’s the pessimist, but the pessimist was always right, it was better to be safe than sorry. So I had to push these confusing reactions aside and ignore them. Liam. I didn’t like Liam. From this moment onwards, that’s what I would have to do. I would have to hate the puppy dog eyed boy I have never met.

 

 

 

 


	3. ~Three: He’s temperamental

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were so many typos and i had to fix them, i know there are gonna be a lot of it that i have not noticed and fixed yet. Please bear with me :) x

**~Three: He’s temperamental**

 

 

**[** **Niall]**

Phys Ed passed really slowly. All I could think about was my stomach, my guitar and Josh. I would have been more into it, using all my energy, jumping off the walls, but Zayn was sulking and that was bringing me down. Sometimes, I loved the guy he was at school, I knew that a majority of it wasn’t an act, it was his defense mechanism. It bothered me though, because he wasn’t like that at home, or around Harry. But in public he shrunk back behind his walls and hid away. Now he was sulking on a bench at the side of the gym refusing to change and participate. I jogged over, plastering a smile on my face and sitting beside him.

“Are you alright, bro?”

Zayn looked at me with raised eyebrows, and I felt strangely unwanted. “Fine.” He practically spat in my face.

I flinched back a little, I wished he could just be my brother all the time, but it was like whenever I tried to be close to him he just didn’t appreciate it unless we were in the privacy of our own home. Sometimes I feel like he thinks I take him for granted, but he’s just too caught up in his own little world to understand that I want nothing more than to help him.

I know there’s something wrong with Zayn, he’s the kind of guy who keeps a lot of secrets, an unhealthy amount of secrets – and come to think of it – the secret themselves are probably unhealthy too. He’d sit there and give me the cold shoulder until school ended, but the second it did he’d smile, throw his arm around my shoulder and drag me home for a movie marathon and bulk amounts of popcorn. It wasn’t fair, I didn’t like waiting around for my brother.

I noticed the new kid glancing over at us, and he jogged away from the basketball game, stopping in front of Zayn. Zayn’s fist clenched on his knees, and I thought I heard his teeth grit together.

“Why don’t you join in?” the new kid – Liam I think – asked.

“Why don’t you mind your own business?” Zayn snapped.

I gapped at him, unsure of how to respond, he’d never spoken to someone he didn’t know like that. Zayn wasn’t the kind to judge, and as far as I could tell, Liam was a good guy. He definitely hadn’t been here long enough to do anything piss Zayn off or get onto his very, very short black list.

Liam simply raised his eyebrows and looked down at Zayn, “You’ll have more fun as part of a team than sitting here sulking,”

Zayn scoffed, crossed his arms over his chest and leant back against the gym wall. “I think I know myself a bit better than you mate, why don’t you run along?”

I stood up and walked away at that point, something had gotten into Zayn and though I was determined to get to the bottom of it, I knew there was really no pint in trying to here, he would wouldn’t let a word slip about what was bothering him, the most enthusiasm he’d show for talking about his problems would be grunting in my general direction.

I hear footsteps behind me, and stupidly thinking maybe Zayn had a change of heart I slow my pace so he could catch up with me while I was approaching the game. Instead a very unhappy Liam stormed passed me, right through the basketball game into the locker rooms. He shoved the door open with surprising force, making it hit against the wall with a loud thwack before it slowly swung back. I glanced over my shoulder at Zayn who now had his elbows on his knees and face buried in his hands. I shook my head at him in disapproval even though he wasn’t looking. I loved the guy, but there was just so much he did that I didn’t understand. I wonder sometimes if it’s my fault, if I just don’t try hard enough, but for the life of me, I couldn’t think of anything he could have had reason to say to Liam to get him that worked up. Feeling strangely responsible and like _someone_ owed Liam an apology, I walked _around_ the basketball game – rather than through it – and into the locker room after Liam. I found the boy with his fists against a locker beside his head, his forehead also pressed against the cold red metal. He didn’t notice me approaching, I think his eyes were closed, when I was almost beside him, he drew both fists back and slammed them against the locker, leaving noticeable dints. I jumped slightly, and suddenly felt afraid to touch him.

“L-Liam? Right?” I asked, stepping a little further away so that I was out of his reach.

Liam’s eyes snapped open and he pushed himself off the locker, looking sheepishly at the slight damage he’s caused.

“I’m sorry about Zayn…” I apologized on his behalf.

Liam shrugged, “Not your fault he’s being so rude.” He stated.

“Yeah, but I’m sure he has no reason to be…” I trailed off, hoping this wasn’t too weird.

“That was the first time I’ve spoken to him.” Liam frowned, his eyes were clouded with confusion.

“He’s… temperamental?” I tried to smile, to lighten the mood.

It seemed to work, because Liam chuckled a little shaking his head, “I noticed…”

I felt relieved seeing the small smile creep over his face, I didn’t want anyone to be unhappy, I’m a people person and I like it when there’s no hate and everyone just gets along. That’s really my perfect world, with a lot of food, and music, and where I’m with Josh. Yeah, perfect world…

“Sorry, I didn’t catch your name…” Liam was full on grinning now, snapping me out of my happy thoughts.

“Oh! I’m Niall!” I held out my hand which he shook happily.

“Are you close with Zayn?” he asked, switching back to our touchy subject.

I shrugged, shoving my hands into the pockets of my gym shorts. “I guess…”

“What’s his deal? I don’t mean to pry… it’s just that since this morning I keep catching him staring at me… it was kind of scaring me, so I thought I’d try be nice and talk to him about it, you know? Find out if there was some way I’d unintentionally offended him or something. Then I approach him and he just bites my head off… You saw it!  I mean, what did I do? Why does he hate me?”

I’d never heard heartbreak before, but when you hear it, you know. And I was hearing it. I couldn’t fathom why it meant so much to Liam, what did it matter what one guy was acting like? I was suddenly uncomfortable, I honestly had no idea how to respond to the emotion in his voice, he didn’t even know Zayn and it sounded like his whole world was coming to an end and because he wasn’t welcoming him with open arms. Unless there was something I was missing, that was completely illogical.

“I… Uh… Maybe he sees you as a threat?” I didn’t think the response through, but I supposed it worked.

Liam was new, that meant he’d be getting attention, he was clearly attractive, and not an idiot – even if he was now appearing to be a little bit emotionally unstable to me; but that was just my interpretation, there could be a reasonable explanation for his feelings.

Liam looked shocked, “That’s ridiculous… he doesn’t know me, let alone what I’m like, what I am or am not capable of… I don’t want to take anything away from anyone…”

“Liam? Can I ask something…? I bit my lip, remembering how he’d hit the locker.

“Yeah, sure anything!” Liam brightened, he seemed to shake the thoughts from his head as he shook his hair with his hand.

“Umm, well I was just wondering why you care so much?”

 

**[Harry]**

Things seriously could not get any better than this! Louis was in my Psych class, and when I walked in and saw him sitting and sulking at the back of the room I had the biggest internal  argument I’ve ever had, I was freaking out, my veins were on fire with nerves, my stomach was doing back flips like it never had before. But I did it! I got the courage, I sat down beside him, and now we’re partners. I can’t keep my eyes off him! I hope he doesn’t realize, it’d probably freak him out.

As Mr Roberts explained the project to us I couldn’t keep the please smile off my face! Things really couldn’t have worked out better if I’d planned them! I still wasn’t consciously registering what was happening inside me, these reactions, these feelings… They were familiar, I knew exactly what the meant, what they were, what they could do to me. What I wasn’t thinking about is who I was feeling them towards. I’d never really thought about there was something wrong with it, it just never crossed my mind. But now that I was feeling it, I think I had a new appreciation for the words _‘love is love, no matter the gender’._ Even if this wasn’t _love_ as such, they were definitely the feelings that one day escalated to that, I just didn’t know if it would go that far. But right there and then, I was happy with the feeling.

“Right, start getting to know each other!” Mr. Roberts beamed, looking around the classroom at his unsure students.

I turned my chair a little so that I was facing Louis again, appreciating the way I could look at him more subtly now.

“Soooooooo…” He managed to drag out the syllable for about ten seconds.

I was admiring the way his lips shaped around his words when he finished his elongated ‘so’ and spoke normally.

“Why are you staring?”

I blinked quickly and looked away, trying not to blush, “Sorry, just day dreaming…” I muttered

Louis sat up a little straighter, a small spark appeared in his eye as he grinned at me, “Oh, about me! I know I’m irresistible! But really Haz! You just met me!”

“Haz?” I felt the grin widening on my face at the nickname he’d given me.

“What’s wrong curly, don’t you like it?” He teased.

Louis’ smile was showing his set of white teeth, the smile reached his eyes, making them light up. All traces of the quite broken boy had disappeared. I felt my heart skip a beat as he smiled at me. I bit my lip and shook my head, feeling the weight of my curls bouncing around my head.

“I love it!” I beamed.

Truthfully, if anyone else called me curly, I would probably have hit them, but both names sounded angelic coming from his lips, and it made me feel special – worth something, that he’d thought of both things on the spot.

“Good!” he chirped.

Louis pulled his feet up beneath him and sat cross-legged on the chair, he shuffled closed to the desk, and I found it rather adorable. All the while his dazzling smile didn’t slip. Grabbing his notebook he opened up to a new page and scribbled a new title at the top of the page. Glancing around the room I saw most people were having either awkward or in depth conversations with their partners. Louis stuck his tongue out to the side as he wrote on the blank page, I didn’t know what he was writing or if I should be writing anything in my own notebook; hopefully not since I didn’t actually have one for this class – oh yeah, I’m always prepared. Louis licked his lips before pulling his tongue back into his mouth and smiling happily down at what he’d written. I bit down on my own bottom lip at the sight, there was something almost irresistible about the way he did that, and I instantly imagined myself kissing him.

_Get a grip Styles! He probably doesn’t even like guys!_

The realisation hit me and left a sinking feeling in my gut. Then again, until I’d laid eyes on Louis, I’d never found myself interested in another man before either, so maybe… Just maybe, it could be the same for him with me… The thought made my heart flutter.

Louis moved his notebook a bit, and I looked down at what he’d written.

**_Getting to know Harry Styles – A.K.A as Haz or Curly (:_ **

**_Favourites:_ **

**_Least Favourites:_ **

**_Bad habits:_ **

**_Quirks:_ **

**_Imperfections:_ **

**_Family:_ **

**_Friends:_ **

**_Hobbies:_ **

**_Other things that I can’t think of titles for right now:_ **

I laughed when I read the last one, and Louis just beamed at me, like I’d just given him permission to do the most dangerous yet exciting thing he could think of. It baffled me, but it also warmed my heart. Something about him just made me want to see him smile, I wanted to be his whole world, and I’d only first seen him this morning. The thought was crazy, the feelings were insane, but something about them still perfect, like it was all just meant to be this way.

“Let’s ask random questions!” Louis grinned.

“How does that help me get to know who you are on this inside?” I questioned him, only earning myself a bigger smile.

“It’s the little things that count Hazza! Oh!” he scribbled _Hazza_ down next to my also known as names.

A smile tugged at the corner of my lips at the action, he was adorable, I couldn’t even try to deny that.

“Alright, shoot!” Something about his smile was infectious; I couldn’t keep my own face – not that I would’ve if I could’ve.

The dead, pained eyes I’d been met with this morning were hard to picture now that I was faced with these excited blue ones.

“Favourite animal?” Louis shot at me.

“Cats!” I said automatically, “They’re all cute and fluffy and fat!”

Louis giggled at me, “You sound like a little girl!” he laughed.

I just pouted at him, pretending to be hurt by the statement, but honestly I didn’t care at all! I made him laugh, and the sound was magical. I sounded like a girl, so what? He was turning me into one, it was his fault a little bit, but can you blame me?!

“Your turn!” Louis declared when he finished laughing at my inner female child.

“Favourite food?”

“Carrots!”

“Really?” I raised my eyebrows skeptically.

Louis shrugged, “ It’s the first thing that came to mind, but they are pretty good!” he grinned widely.

I shook my head, “You’re weird Lou,” I chuckled

Louis’ expression suddenly became conflicted, the shine was still in his eyes, but it was dulled slightly by doubt, like he’d suddenly realized something that had been the pin in his balloon of confidence. He shrunk down in his seat a little bit, slouching his shoulders. The pained boy was creeping back into his skin. I was fretting all of a sudden, I didn’t want his spark to start fading, it was contagious – warming! It made me smile wider than I had for as long as I could remember, and that was really saying something since I was wearing an enormous grin everyday!

“It’s brilliant!” I added quickly, maybe a little too quickly, because his smile began to flatter, hurt flashed through his eyes. I didn’t understand… why was he so broken all of a sudden? No! Better question, why was he so broken at all?! My heart began to ache as I watched the little glimmer fade from his blue orbs and he bit his lip, staring at his notebook now, rather than at me. I didn’t know what to do, what could I say?

 

**[Zayn]**

I knew that Niall wanted to know why I was acting like such a prick, and I’d clearly pissed Liam off by acting the way I was, but I didn’t feel like telling either of them the real reason I didn’t want to join in the basketball game. I actually don’t mind Phys Ed, or sports in general; I’m more of an arty person, but I could pull of the whole co-ordination thing as well! But basketball involved a ball flying around, and a lot of arm work. After taking notes, and trying to ignore pain all day and acting okay, I dint want to risk a hard basketball colliding forcefully with the bruises on my arms that were currently hidden by my jacket, even more I didn’t want the ones on my ribs being made worse. After all, that was why I had to act like this towards Liam. So I sat back on the bench and watched the whole game, trying to keep my eyes from straying to Liam, but when they did I noticed that he was always rather close to Niall. Why were they so friendly all of a sudden? I didn’t like it. I dint want that extra difficulty – having to see Niall with me all the time. That shouldn’t have been what I was worried about, it shouldn’t have been jealousy that I felt. I should have felt fear – I should have been scared I wouldn’t be able to hate him if he was friends with Niall, if he was around more because they got close. But the jealousy was overpowering. Every time I saw them laugh, or one of them run up to the other, or Liam slap Niall’s shoulder in a congratulatory manner. It was like it woke something up inside me, something that wanted to fight for Liam, to make Niall step away from him so I could keep him to myself. It was ridiculous, I dint even know him… and I had to run all that interest and want – all those familiar, yet foreign feelings –  into hate. I dint know if I could do that – when I couldn’t hate someone who gave me every reason to – it would be impossible to hate someone who gave me every reason to love them.

 

The torturous double lesson finally ended and school was over. I bolted from the gym the moment I heard the bell and raced back to the main building and up the flights of stairs to my locker.

“What’s the hurry?” Harry asked, looking rather startled as I skidded to a stop beside him and another guy at his locker.

I just shook my head and waved him off. Harry raised his eyebrows as I grabbed a few things out of my locker.

“You weren’t planning on doing anything were you, cause I’m going to hang out with Lou this afternoon?” Harry asked, sounding almost like he as asking for permission.

I glanced around my curly hair friend and saw the slightly shorter brunette he’d hit with a paper plane. He looked rather nervous, but somewhat excited. He was Liam’s friend. Now Harry decided to make friends with him? Really?! I let out an unintentional groaned and slammed my locker shut. What had I done so wrong to deserve this punishment, at this rate I would be eating lunch with the damned boy everyday! Not the kid Harry was with, but Liam! And I could not handle that.

“Fine whatever! I have somewhere to be anyway.” I rushed through my words quickly and began heading away quickly.

“You okay?” harry called out after me, the concern in the voice was evident even without being able to see his face.

“I will be in about an hour and a half!” I shouted over my shoulder at him.

A smile appeared over my lips as I said it and the realization kicked in, I dint have long to wait. Niall better not hold me up wanting me to drive him places, or I swear he’s got another thing coming! I bounded down the first set of stairs onto the second floor and found Niall’s locker, he was standing there with that same boy he’d been tagging along with all day. I was going to have to find out what his name was.

Niall looked up when he heard me noisily approaching him. “Oh, someone’s in a better mood.” He rolled his eyes at me.

“Someone’s in a worse mood.” I shot right back at him.

Niall grinned at my attitude and shot a smile at the guy behind him, we both knew he wasn’t in a worse mood at all. “I can’t help it!” he beamed at me, knowing exactly what I was thinking.

I raised my eyebrows, something was definitely going on!

“I don’t need you to take me home, I’m gonna hang out with Josh for a bit, I’ll catch you later, okay?” Niall grinned shutting his locker.

“Alright, have fun.” I smiled back, grateful that I wouldn’t have to take any detours.

I was almost at my car when a strong hand grabbed my wrist and spun me around. I found my face only an inch away from Liam’s.

I groaned, “What now!?” I practically screamed at him.

“I want to know what your problem is!” Liam demanded, not releasing my wrist.

I ignored the butterflies I was feeling at his touch I glared at him. “You! Obviously!” I spat.

Liam rolled his eyes, but his expression softened, and when he spoke again his voice had an understanding tone to it, “No. Your real problem, the one that has you calling _me_ a problem.”

I hated the way his eyes warmed up, the way they looked up at me slightly, full of concern.

“Let go,” I spat again, jolting my wrist, trying to pull it out of his grasp.

Liam shook his head, “No, come on, you don’t know me! You can’t hate me… Please, don’t…” his voice grew quieter and quieter.

This time it was my aching heart I had to ignore. “Please don’t do this,” I begged weakly, “I can’t be late, I have somewhere to be.”

“Where?” He asked, slightly loosening his grip on my wrist.

“It doesn’t matter, but I have to go. Please, just… Please,” I begged pathetically, I didn’t even care how much my act was slipping, I had to leave, right now.

Liam looked conflicted.

You can’t be late! Especially not because of him! The voice in my head sounded as desperate as I must have looked.

Finally he nodded and released me. “Thank you.” I shouted over my shoulder as I ran the rest of the way to my car.

“I’m not letting this go!” Liam shouted after me.

I silently prayed he was bluffing, and he would just give up, but as I turned the ignition and began driving, I stopped caring. I only had to wait another hour, and then everything would be okay; all that mattered was my destination.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. ~Four: Crossing fingers for the best outcomes.

**~Four: Crossing fingers for the best outcomes.**

**[Liam]**

I liked Niall, we got long. I think he thought I was a little weird, and maybe too emotional – but I couldn’t blame him, I did sort of freak out with no reasonable explanation. But by the end of our double period he was slapping me on the back and shouting over his shoulder that he’d see me tomorrow, so I mustn’t have made an impression that was too horrible. I noticed Zayn leaving the gym as soon as the bell went, I still didn’t know what his problem was, and I still wanted to. I couldn’t explain it, I didn’t understand it. I just _knew_ I had to figure it out, I had to understand… there was _something_ about him that had me captured, and I couldn’t fight it. I could tell there was something serious going on inside his head, and whatever it was, I wanted to save him from that.

I raced out of school when I had my things and down to the parking lot in an attempt to catch him before he headed home. I saw him hurrying towards a sleek looking black car on the far side of the lot and sprinted over, catching his wrist and spinning him around to face me.

“What now!?” he shouted at me while groaning.

“I want to know what your problem is!” I commanded.

 “You! Obviously!” Zayn spat.

I wished he wasn’t wearing those damn sunglasses so that I could see what he was really feeling behind saying those words. I rolled my eyes at him, but let myself relax.

 “No. Your real problem, the one that has you calling _me_ a problem.” I told him calmly, trying to sow him I could understand.

Genuine concern filled me as he hesitated to respond, proving to me that I was right and that something bigger was going on here.

“Let go,” he finally spat again, trying to pull his wrist away from me.

I shook my head, “No, come on, you don’t know me! You can’t hate me… Please, don’t…” I didn’t  even know where this was coming from, I just knew I couldn’t bear it if he did.

Zayn’s attitude suddenly changed, he began begging me “Please don’t do this,” I begged weakly, “I can’t be late, I have somewhere to be.”

“Where?” I tried to keep the unjustified hurt out of my voice.

“It doesn’t matter, but I have to go. Please, just… Please,” he begged me. I didn’t want to force him, so I let go of his wrist and my hands fell limply to my sides.

Zayn immediately turned and ran off to his car. “Thank you.” He shouted back at me.

“I’m not letting this go!” I shouted, hoping he would catch it. And I meant it.

I ran a hand through my hair as I turned to walk away, what the hell was going on with me? I was heading over to the school gates when a girl stepped in front of me, Danielle smiled sweetly, I mentally face-palmed, I’d completely forgotten I was supposed to spend this afternoon with her.

“Ready?” She asked, a giant smile planted on her face.

I returned the smile half-heartedly. Might as well make the most of someone who _does_ want to be around me.

“Sure, where to first?”

“I have just the place.” she declared, grabbing my hand and pulling me down the street.

 

 

**[Niall]**

Josh easily swung his arm around my shoulders as we walked out of the school gates.

“So, where are we going?” He asked, shooting me a casual smile.

I shrugged under the comfortable weight of his arm. “Food?” I asked, trying out my puppy dog look on him.

He laughed and ruffled my hair, “I should have known.”

I wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or embarrassed or offended. So I settled for none and just sent him a pleased grin.

“How’s everything going with the brother?” Josh asked as he led me down the familiar route to McDonalds.

I shrugged again, “He’s being his temperamental self,” I muttered, kicking a rock along the ground and shoving my hands in my pockets to obtain my moody affect.

“You know, I didn’t even know he lived with you until we started talking this past Summer,” Josh told me thoughtfully.

“Not many people do…”

Suddenly he let out a nervous laugh, causing me to look up, “I actually thought you two were secretly dating because of how much time you seemed to spend together,”

I couldn’t hold back the disgusted gagging noises that came next. That was beyond wrong. Josh retracted his arm from my shoulders and crossed them over his chest.

“Sorry. Didn’t know you had such a problem with gays,” he muttered, making me choke on my laughter.

“No!” I gasped, “That’s not it!” I felt my cheeks burning in embarrassment.

How could I possibly have a problem with gays when I was crushing on him? When my own brother had history with other guys?

Josh raised his eyebrows expectantly waiting for an explanation.

“That’s just wrong, I mean Zayn has been my best friend since I was little, we may not be _as_ close now, but he’s my brother. I was too little to know much better when his parents died, and since he was taken into my house, he’s just always been my brother. So us – together… That’s just… weird…” I shivered at the thought; not the good kind.

“Right,” Josh said, still somewhat skeptical.

“It’s not the ‘he’s a guy’ thing, because hey, if the right guy came along for me, who knows what would happen.” I laughed and winked at him, trying to lighten the mood.

He blushed and quickly turned away, but I still noticed, and it sent a smirk across my face. Maybe I could make this work.

 

**[Harry]**

During the second half of our double period, Louis brightened back up again, but there was a distant look in his eyes, and his smiles always flattered quickly. If I wasn’t watching him his whole expression would drop back to the glum moody one that hurt to look at. He didn’t realize I was always watching him though, stealing glances at him out of the corner of my eye.

“Come on, I want to do something fun!” I whined, tugging at his sleeve like a child.

We were walking through the town center, but Louis was just kicking a stone along the footpath with his hands shoved in his pocket. I kept trying to pull him into a conversation by pointing at things in windows are bringing up funny memories that had taken place at the various shops. I really just wanted to ask what was wrong, but I didn’t know if that would be crossing a line – I’d only met the guy this morning.

“Please Louis?” I begged again.

Louis sighed and shook me off, stopping in his tracks. He pulled his right hand out of his pocket and ran it though his hair before sweeping his fringe to the side.

“Harry,” I felt empty when he called me Harry, it wasn’t as warm and fulfilling has his nicknames had been, “thanks for trying with this project, but I think we can get to know all we need to know in class. So you don’t have to act like you want to be here. I’m sorry I wasted your afternoon. I have to go.”  


I didn’t say anything as he turned in his heel and walked away from me. I didn’t know if I felt offended that he thought so little of me, or hurt that he didn’t want to be around me; either way the feeling wasn’t good. Something cold erupted in me as I watched his retreating form, shoulders slumped and head hanging. It was wrong, someone who was naturally so chirpy shouldn’t be walking with such a defeated look about their stride. What had him feeling this way and already blocking me out was beyond me, but I wanted to find out what it was. I was going to figure him out, and then I was going to save him from whatever was eating was eating away at him. Then maybe, the butterflies won’t be for nothing. I decided not to follow him, I’d let him think things through, and tomorrow… well, I would have to swing it, but that didn’t mean things wouldn’t go well.

 

 

**[Zayn]**

Every time I drove down the highway, it took forever. It was only an hour’s drive to the next town – to my destination, but the journey never passed quickly. Even when I was pushing the speed limit, the time dragged on and on like I was waiting for days to reach the place I needed to be. Not wanted to be, needed to be. It was so much more than want.

My biggest secret, hidden away behind locked doors, or in this case town boarders and personally built walls that surround myself. No one knew where I went when I disappeared in the afternoons, no one ever asked. If I came back with a smile, and hadn’t been in any trouble, then it didn’t matter where I was. But I had to take precautions. I didn’t let people get close, the two closest people to me were Harry and Niall, and neither of them had a clue what was going on when they had their backs turned. I wasn’t ashamed, no, I could _never_ be ashamed of this. But a part of me knew it was wrong, and that part of me was scared that it would be taken away if anyone found out – and I couldn’t live if it was taken away. I needed this, the way I needed air. It’s hard for people to understand, most people will swear they will never get themselves into a situation like my own, but you can’t really control it. I didn’t plan this, but then it happened, and when I realized, it was too late to get out, I couldn’t anymore, I was too addicted to it, too desperate for it.

I felt the nerves build up as I grew closer and closer. I’d been crossing my fingers for the best outcome when I got in the car after school, but now all my previous thoughts about Liam, my worries from the day disappeared, and I knew that everything was going to be okay in no time.

I should have been more worried, I should have been _scared_. But I couldn’t find that emotion amongst the mix I was feeling. I should have thought this through, come up with an excuse. I just didn’t think that far ahead. After what felt like twice as long as usual I drove into town and down the familiar residential streets, stopping outside a familiar brick house. It didn’t look very welcoming from the outside, but the prospect of what lay behind the doors and windows was more inviting than anything I could imagine.

 Heart pounding against my ribs, blood pumping quickly through my veins, the nerves had me shaking, but the excitement was bringing up goosebumps all over my skin. I bit my lip as I shut off the incognition and pushed the car door open. Shakily, I made my way up the overgrown front path and to the front door. My fist like it weighted a tonne, but I raised it and knocked on the old wooden door, waiting impatiently for a response.

I was midway through shifting my weight from one foot to the other when the door swung open in front of me, and I was immediately taken over with a sickening feeling of dread as I saw him stand before me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and to the kudos! I'll post another chapter soon not too long! I have so much school work to do right now but i'll keep things updated!


	5. ~Five: Night-time thoughts

**~Five: Night-time thoughts**

 

I staggered through the front door, trying to ignore the pain and remain standing upright. It was late, so I was hoping Niall and Maura would already be upstairs in their rooms. I was hoping Niall and Maura would already be upstairs in their rooms. I was hoping in vain, though. As I walked past the lounge room – limping slightly – Niall jumped from the couch and came skipping out into the hallway to follow me up the stairs. I bit my lip as I tried to hide my limp and pain shot through me.

“Where have you been?” Niall asked.

I shrugged, stepping off the flight of steps and heading to my room. “I was just out, lost track of time.”

“Why are you limping?” Niall asked, following me into my room and making himself comfortable in the middle of my bed.

“Why are you in my room?” I shot back.

“I asked first!” Niall pouted at me, and even though he was concerned about me , I could see something sparking behind his eyes.

Niall was excited about something. I felt a wave of relief rush over me, I knew if there was a reason Niall waited up for me, something that was exciting to him, then it would only take a lame half-heated excuse to distract him completely. I pushed him aside on the bed and sat against the headboard, sinking into the welcoming pillows with a grateful sigh.

“I went for a walk and twisted my ankle.” I said lamely, “Now tell me what you’re so happy about,” I shot out before he could ask more questions.

Niall beamed, completely dismissing my excuse. “I had the _best_ afternoon!”

“Annnnddddd?” I drew out the word, waiting for more.

“Well, I started talking to someone over the summer, I started to develop feelings for them… and I think they might like me back!” Niall bounced up and down excitedly.

“Is this that Josh guy?” I asked, piecing it together in my head.

The boy who I’d never seen or heard of before today, who was watching him play his guitar at lunch, the one who was with him after school. Yeah, it wasn’t hard to jump to the right conclusions. Niall looked at me with shocked expression that soon turned to fear. The fear took me by surprise, and Niall suddenly looked away from me and down at his hands, refusing to make eye contact again.

“Do you mind?” He suddenly blurted out, “Y’know… that he’s a guy?”

Niall stole a glance at me now, his usually bright blue eyes clouded with nerves. I actually had to laugh at him.

“Niall!” I cried, “You can’t be serious!”

Niall seemed to take what was saying the wrong way. He glared at me harshly, “I am! I really like him! Whether you’re okay with it or not!”

I felt my eyes widen and I leant back a little more, holding my hands up in defense, “That’s not what I meant,” I sighed, “Ni, if I had feelings for a guy, would it change how you felt about me?”

“No.” he said automatically and firmly.

“And why not?”

“Because you’re my brother and I love you no matter what.” Niall told me as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I felt the smile creep onto my face at his words and nodded, “Exactly. And you’re mine, and I’ll love you no matter what. And I’m sure I’ll love Josh, too.”

Niall beamed and threw his arms around me. I winced but held back the groan of pain building in my throat.

“Thank you,” he whispered quietly as he held onto me.

I felt a wave of affection, “I’m always gonna be here for you Ni, to protect you and support you. I promise.”

Niall suddenly pulled away and was overcome with a serious expression, his nerves and fear faded from his eyes and were replaced with a hardened determination, I began to feel anxious.

“You too, Zayn. That’s why I want you to tell me what was going on with you today.” He stated.

My heartbeat sped up but I put on my familiar blank expression, praying he wouldn’t see through me like I knew he could.

“I was just tired, Nialler. Already over school, y’know?” I bluffed.

Niall raised his eyebrows at me, seemingly unsure of whether or not he should buy my excuse, he stared at me with a hard expression for a little while before letting out a resigned sigh. Niall shook his head sadly and slowly got off my bed.

“I’ll see you in the morning.” He muttered, leaving the room without a backward glance.

 

**[Liam]**

“come on Danni, it’s ten-thirty! We have school tomorrow! You have to let me take you home now!” I laughed at her puppy dog expression.

Danni tugged me out of the movie theatre insisting there was time for ice cream, but I was tired, and I dint want to over sleep tomorrow and be late on my second day of school.

“It won’t take long Liam! Please? My shout?!” She tried to convince me.

“Maybe another time Danni,” I sighed.

Her eyes lit up immediately and she let me lead her back to my car, “You mean I get a second date?” she asked hopefully.

 I worked hard to keep myself from freezing in my tracks. I didn’t realise this was a date.

“This was a date?” I asked.

“Liam, what kind of gut takes a girl out for dinner and a movie and doesn’t call it a date?!” She laughed, sliding into the passenger seat.

“Right.” I replied dumbly.

How had I not seen that coming? I’d really just been being nice, offering to pay her meal when she said she was hungry and I suggested we get something. She was the one who wanted to show me the old fashioned movie theatre and then pointed out a movie she wanted to see, again, it’d been my suggestion, so I’d offered to pay… But I didn’t mean for it to be a date. I looked over at Danni as I pulled out of the parking lot, her long hair framing her gorgeous face, her full lips showing off her beautiful smile and perfect set of teeth. Any guy would kill to take her out on a date, so maybe this afternoon and tonight wasn’t such a bad thing. I could do a whole lot worse than Danielle, and I’m sure she knew it. Maybe we could see how things went…

Danielle directed me through the streets to her house, and we got there after about ten minute drive.

“Walk me to the door?” She asked, a small, cute smile playing on her lips.

I nodded and got out of the car, walking around to open her door for her.

When I did, Danielle reached out and took my hand in her own, entwining out finger. I glanced down at the gesture but didn’t say anything or pull away, it felt kind of nice, so I just let it be. We walked in silence up to her door before she turned to face me.

“Thanks for tonight,” She smiled.

“I should be the one thanking you!”

Danielle bit her lip, drawing my gaze to them momentarily, which she saw. The moment my eyes darted to her lips she was leaning in, and rather fast too. Suddenly her lips were pressed against mine and I felt her arm wrapping around my neck. Instinctively I slid my arms around her waist and let my lips move with hers. I wasn’t feeling anything extra special towards her then, but nonetheless it was nice – all that fireworks stuff was just a romance novels anyway.

“So, I’ll see you tomorrow then,” She pulled away but didn’t retract her arms from around my neck.

“I guess so,” I grinned at her.

She beamed at me before opening the door and disappearing inside. I dint know what this meant, what she thought it meant. I just met the girl this morning, but she was nice, and smart and really fun. But I still didn’t really know her, and there was no way I wanted to jump into a relationship with someone as fast in a town I didn’t know full of people I knew nothing about. I didn’t have any friends, apart from Louis and maybe Niall and I definitely didn’t want to become known as the new town sleaze, but I didn’t want to come off as a jerk to Danielle either – I couldn’t reject here now. I dint even know if I wanted to. But I wasn’t ready to go labelling anything.

I drove home slowly, making sure I dint get myself lost in the still unfamiliar streets. Spending the time with Danielle had been a good distraction, but now that she was gone, my thoughts were slipping back to this afternoon. I dint know what it is about Zayn, but there’s something intriguing, like I feel some kind of pull towards him, but he obviously isn’t feeling it. What got me most was the sudden change in his tone this afternoon; he had gone from harsh and uncaring to desperate and pleading. There was obviously something going on, but what did I know? Nothing, I knew nothing about the mysterious boy that everyone seemed to long for. I didn’t understand how he did it, how could he remain so distance, so cut off that everyone wanted to know what was behind those dark eyes? I suddenly realised that’s exactly what I wanted. Was everyone who knew him feeling the way I was now? Was this how he did it? Intrigue everyone and then just string them along for a bit of fun? I didn’t want to believe that. I liked to think that I was good at reading people, and I wanted that to mean there was something Zayn was hiding, something he shouldn’t be – something I could get to the bottom of.

My phone buzzed in my pocket as I pulled up outside the house.

 

 

**_Louis_ **

_Want to get coffee tomorrow morning before school?_

 

I smiled to myself, Louis was a great guy. I was really glad I’d met him rather than some snotty stuck up kid. I just didn’t understand how he didn’t have more friends. He was so good humoured and quirky, and such a genuine person. He was just so sad, I knew part of that was his lusting after Harry, but there was something more to it. I figured he’d open up to me given time, but if things seemed to get worse for him, I would be willing to push the subject a little bit to get tom the bottom of it. I tapped back a reply as I got out of the car and headed up to the front door.

 

 

_Sure, I’ll pick you up? What time_

**_Louis_ **

_8?_

 

I gave it a quick think over and decided the time was pretty good, it gave us an hour before school and I still wouldn’t have to get up to early.

 

_See you then! (:_

**_Louis_ **

_Okay! G’night bud (:_

No one stopped me on my way upstairs, and I was too tired to shower, so I just stripped off my cloths and jumped into bed, pulling the doona tight around my body to protect myself from cold.

 

That night I tossed and turned for hours. I just couldn’t get comfortable. The entire house was filled with a buzzing silence that invaded my ears when my mind was blank. I lay motionless in the dark, squeezing my eyes shut, trying to will them into staying closed – but it didn’t work. I didn’t have frantic thoughts running through my head, that wasn’t what was keeping me from awake – it was a feeling of dread. A sinking feeling in my gut that something was wrong, that something had happened or that something would happen. I was sure there was something that just wasn’t right but I didn’t have the slightest clue as to what it was. I helplessly lay there, wishing the feeling away, but if refused to abandon me. Twisting beneath the covers aagain I turned and read the glowing red letters on my night stand clock.

 

**02:54**

Groaning, I buried my face in my pillows and kicked my legs a bit in frustration. I hadn’t slept in a wink, and I needed to get up in four hours. With a resigned sigh I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. My footsteps sounded like the thunder claps in the silence, and I winced every time my foot hit the floor, hoping I wouldn’t wake up my mother or my sister – if she was even home. Quickly stripping off my boxers I jumped into the shower and turned on the hot water, letting it burn as it slid over my cold skin. The room quickly filled with steam around me, making the air muggy. I slid down the wall of the shower and held my knees up to my chest, letting the water wash over me, the sound of it beating down sooth me. Slowly theheat of the water relaxed me and the rushing sounds made me drowsy. Before I knew it I was asleep on the floor of the shower.

A loud bag on the door jerked me awake.

“Liam? Why are you in the shower at half past three in the morning?” Ruth’s sleepy voice sounded through the door.

Groaning I pushed myself up off the base of the floor and turned off the water.

“Sorry,” I called back out, stepping out of the shower, “Did I wake you?”

No, I was getting a drink. Is everything okay?”

I could hear the concern in her voice, and I immediately felt guilty that she was up and worrying about me. Quickly grabbing my boxers I pulled them back on and dried myself off with a towel. Ruth waited silently on the other side of the door and I still stood there when I opened it, her expression expectant.

“I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” I lied through my teeth. I was far from fine – just didn’t know what exactly was wrong.

Ruth cocked an eyebrow and watched me sceptically as I slipped past her in the hall and went back to my room. I heard her trailing close behind and once I was back in my bed, her figure was leaning against the door frame, the same expectant look in her features.

“So you just randomly felt like a shower at three AM?” she asked.

I shrugged, “Couldn’t sleep…”

“Why not?” she asked again.

“Dunno. Ruth I’m tired, can we please just talk about this tomorrow?”

“Fine,” She grumbled, straightening up, “but don’t you think we’re not.” She pointed at my chest.

I flashed back to this afternoon with Zayn, calling after him and telling him I wasn’t going to let this go – Now I was more determined than ever to discover his secrets. I shouldn’t have felt so possessive over someone I hardly knew, but I couldn’t help it. All these emotions just came naturally.

“Night LiLi! Love you,” Ruth said, sort of sadly as she walked out of the room.

“Night!” I called after her.

It took another half hour before I settled back into sleep, thoughts of how I would approach tall dark brooding boy tomorrow raced through my head behind my eyelids, a flicker of slides of the way things could pan out. The last thing I remember thinking, was questioning why I cared so much.

 

**[Zayn]**

I think I hurt Niall by locking him out after we had our little ‘moment’ but things between us were always so unsure, I loved the guy, but I couldn’t tell him these things, just like I couldn’t tell Harry. They would both flip, they’d never look at me the same – not when things had somehow gotten so scary and intense… Yet, I just couldn’t erase the feelings that clung to me, that invaded me every waking moment. I brushed off the guilt I felt towards Niall, knowing I could make it up to him later, especially since at that moment – I was just too tired. I was aching and exhausted, and sleep had never sounded so welcoming. Without even stripping off my clothes, I lay under the covers and closed my eyes. The moment I was swallowed into the darkness, images of those shining green eyes I’d grown to love swam in front of my eyes. I was filled with love instantly, and though I was in pain, I fell to sleep with a smile on my face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the feedback! I have to post this chapter to make up with the chapter 4 since it wasn't long enough. Anyway, thoughts about this chapter? Comment below! <3


	6. ~Six: BooBear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite with all the loads of schoolwork I'm doing, here's the next chapter! :)

~Six: BooBear 

 

 

**[Louis]**

I really wasn’t looking forward today. I didn’t want to sit and talk to Harry about my life, and I was sure he didn’t want to share all the details of his with me.  Sure he was nice enough, but that made it harder. Everything I’d learnt about him yesterday just made me like him even more than I already did, and he was sure to figure it out soon if we had to spend time together. Then everything would just fall apart. Even if Harry want straight, he would never return my feelings – Why would he? I’m quiet…Boring… A loner… Uninteresting… Not at all that bright… Worst of all? I’m broken. Too much of a burden for anyone to love. That’s not how it used to be… I used to be bright, to be funny – I was the class clown. I was so much more than I am now, back when I was whole. Back when there was no one to break.

Liam’s car pulled up in front of my house, and with a shout over my shoulder to my mother and sisters I flew out the door and into the passenger seat.

“Someone’s full of energy!” Liam laughed, starting up the car again.

I shrugged. I like Liam, it made me feel better to be around him, he didn’t judge me like everyone else, with him I was able to feel at least half normal, and that was something I was really grateful for. So my old self, the one I and many others loved, resurfaced just enough when I was around him – hopefully enough to keep him here rather than drive him away with my cold, sulking persona. I dint want to lose my new friend so quickly, especially when I was sure of the next few weeks I would need one.

“So what’s up?” he asked as we drove to a nearby café.

“Yesterday I got partnered with Harry for a psychologist project,” I told him.

“That’s great!” Liam beamed across at me, but I just sighed and shook my head.

“No, it isn’t! I have to go from spending no time with him to spending too much time with him! The project is to get to know each other, to pick out little habits, to understand the reasons behind the others actions. What if he decides he hates me? What if he finds out I’m gay and he’s disgusted?” I groaned, covering my face with my hands.

Liam pulled the car to a stop and we both got out, making our way into the quaint little café and up to the counter where we joined the short line.

“Or maybe, he’ll give you that time of day you’ve been waiting for.” Liam shrugged, a knowing smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“Don’t get my hopes up, Li.” I groaned.

“Look, what’s the worst that can happen? He’s a nice guy, right? He’s not going to hate you, and it’s not like you’re going to hate you, and it’s not like you’re going to jump him. Give him a chance to like you before you go and decided he doesn’t” Liam said firmly.

He left me to think about it while he stepped forward and ordered himself a drink. I knew Liam was right, and I knew I dint have much hope of blocking out while we were partnered together, but I just didn't think I could take the rejection or the judgement.

After we both ordered and received our drinks we figured we had half an hour to kill before we got to school so we sat down at a table in the corner of the café and Liam picked our conversation right back up.

“You just need to take a breath and not over think it,” he told me.

I let out a sigh, holding onto my takeaway coffee with both hands, “I just don’t know how to act around him.”

“Like yourself would be a start,” he pointed out with a smile.

“So far you’re the only one who likes ‘myself’” I muttered.

It was Liam’s turn to sigh, but his wasn't depressed and downcast like mine, he sounded exasperated and agitated.

“And how many other people have you let see you for who you are Louis? I know you’re not… This!” he gestured up and down with his hand, indicating my down trodden expression and sulking appearance.

“I know I’m not either, Li! I just get scared!” I shot back.

I didn’t know how Liam had broken down my barriers so quickly, maybe it’s because he came along right after Harry spoke to me for the first time, and I’d been so shaken. Then up pops Liam with his welcoming smile and his kind persona, he was exactly the friend I needed. I could tell he could read people, and he knew he could to. I wondered how he got so good at it, but maybe it was just natural.

“Why, Louis?” He asked, surprising me. “What happened to make you like this?” there was nothing harsh in Liam’s tone, just concern, and a soft desire to understand. I glanced up at his brown eyes and saw them shining with worry as he began to understand how deep these feelings ran through me. I let out yet another sigh, it seemed to be turning into a bad habit. I dint know how to tell Liam, I couldn’t. it wasn’t a thing of the past, I hadn’t dealt with it – most of all I didn’t want him fretting and watching my every move, which I knew he would if I did.

“I guess I just don’t feel worth it,” I told him truthfully – I just left out why.

Liam shook his head sadly, “Well, that doesn’t mean you’re not. It doesn’t mean Harry won’t think you’re not. So don’t give up on him just yet,”

Liam reached across the table and patted my shoulder, I just nodded before we both stood up and headed back out to his car to go to school.

First up was literature, so I separated from Liam to get to my locker, when I was headed up to the room to meet Liam again, a familiar hulking figure knocked into me, grabbing my upper arm in a painfully tight grip.

“I missed you this morning fag? Get up early to run away, did you?” A cold voice sneered in my ear.

“Let go Dean,” I muttered, trying to tug my arm from his grip, but he held strong.

A menacing look resided on his face that was a mere inch from mine, “Don’t start playing games fag, you know that won’t end well.” He spat in my face.

I flinched away as far as I could while he still had a hold on me.

“I’ll see you after school.” He growled.

Then he plastered a fake smile on his face and walked away from me, leaving me shaken in the hallway, flinching each time someone walked by.

 

 

**[Zayn]**

I easily slept through my first two classes; since it was back to back history again. I sat at the back with my feet on the desk, my arms crossed on my chest and my sunglasses on. My teacher didn’t even bother asking me to remove them. As bored as I was, I wasn’t looking forward to the class ending, because after the short break, I had two classes with Liam, first Phys Ed, then English. When the bell sounded I let out an almost inaudible groan and rose slowly from my chair, making sure I was the last and slowest to exit the room. I allowed my feet to drag as I walked back to my locker and to English. Harry took a look at me as I slumped against my locker.

“Careful now, people will start thinking you’re not as tough as you pretend to be,” he teased.

I punched his shoulder lightly and shook my head. He was right, I looked pathetic. I needed to get a grip. The longer I spent dwelling on Liam, the worse it would seem.

_Just ignore him and everything will be fine._

**_I don’t think he’s going to make it that easy._ **

_Fine, don’t ignore him, Just get a grip. I told you yesterday._

**_I listened! I tried._ **

_Well, if it takes time to get a grip, maybe stay away?_

**_I can’t stay away; he’s in half my classes._ **

_I wasn’t talking about Liam._

Dread washed over me as I realised the only way to deal with this, but I knew I couldn’t go through with it. I can’t stay away from him. It physically pains me to be away. I would just have to suck it up and till my emotions settled down, if I stayed calm, I was sure it would be fine in no time.

It turned out that Phys Ed was worse than I thought. Why? Because Liam ignored me the entire time, and that wasn’t the bad part, he was being extra friendly with Niall. The two got incredibly well, and while I watched from the sidelines, neither of them came to persuade me to join in. I could live with Liam ignoring me, I’d asked for it really, and it made it easier. But why did he have to be so friendly with Niall of all people. Niall who was my brother, who spent time with me, who relieved every bloody story to me. Between Niall befriending Liam and Harry befriending Louis, I dint think I’d get a break from the torturous emotions and thoughts I felt around Liam.

_Get a grip Payne! You don’t know this kid, why are you freaking out so much?!_

**_I don’t know! I can’t help it!_ **

_Well you’d better start. This isn’t you. What happened to you? You’re strong, composed, calm and mysterious! Pull yourself together and get your head back in the game._

It hit me then that this was just like the rest of them, all the pretty girls who caught my eye, all the fit guys my eyes trailed after. That was all nothing, so this had to be nothing. I could put on a poker face, it’s what I did every day of my life inside these walls. But I just let it slip – I can’t do that, I could lose everything.

 

 

 

**[Harry]**

I walked into Psychology with a bounce in my step, I was nervous to see Louis after he ran off yesterday – I’d talked myself into believing he didn’t want to be my partner in this project, but I was determined to change his mind, whatever it was he thought about me, I’d prove him wrong. Then maybe he’d open up and could help him with whatever it was that was hurting him… And if I did that, maybe, just maybe he’d say yes to a date. I couldn’t deny my instant attraction to him, so what if he was a guy? I’d never liked one before, but there was nothing different about it in my opinion, I just hope he felt the same way about the subject. I was filled with butterflies as I walked in and saw him sitting at the back of the class just like yesterday. His head was down on the table, hands by his ears as his fingertips tapped rhythmic patterns on the wood.

I strode over to the table and sat down beside him, “Lou?”

I strode over to the table and sat down beside him, “Lou?”

Louis’ head shot up, and nervous smile appeared on his lips – his oh-so-kissable lips. I had to bite down on my bottom lip to hide the thoughts rushing through my head at that moment.

“Hey Harry,” he smiled again while straightening up.

_Harry_ , I preferred the way his voice sounded when he called me Haz.

“Lou, I know you’re not keen on spending time with me for this, I guess you must think I’m some superficial flirt who only cares about money and girls and cars, right? I think a lot of people think that about me, but if you give me the chance, I want to show you there’s more to me than that.”

“Right.” Louis nodded, “That’s the point of the project, isn’t it?”

I sighed, he didn’t get it, and that was a little bit aggravating. “I don’t care about the project,”

“Well too bad, I need an A.” Louis told me, his expression blank.

My palm flew up and collided with my face. How was he being so thick right now? Did he just honestly think I couldn’t be friends with him? Or did he dislike me _that_ much? Was that it?

“Do you really dislike me that much?” I asked quietly, watching his face intently for a reaction.

Louis’ eyes widened, and his jaw dropped open so he was gaping at me. He began shaking his head and spluttering.

“N-no! I di-didn’t… Haz! I just… I… Didn’t you…? I’m…”

“Louis,” I grabbed his face in my hands to stop him shaking it – he was making me dizzy. “Breathe, then whole sentences.” I smirked.

A blush grew in Louis cheek and he began irresistibly chewing on his lip. He drew in a long breath before he began to explain.

“It’s not like that at all Haz, I just didn’t realise you… You _wanted_ to get to know me. Isn’t it just a project to you? Please don’t think I don’t like you, I…” He trailed off, looking away and blushing again.

He was adorable the way he got all nervous and flustered, I wondered if he was a shy person or if it was me… My heart fluttered at the thought of me having such an effect on him.

“You?” I pressed, wanting him to finish his thought.

“I actually think you’re pretty amazing,” he mumbled.

I might have thought I misheard if I hadn’t been listening so intently. My heartbeat stuttered momentarily and I felt the smile creeping back across my face.

“So you rushed off yesterday because you though it was an effort for me?” I concluded, feeling a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Louis nodded sheepishly.

“Well don’t think that,” I told him, not really knowing what else there was to say.

I glanced towards the front of the room where today’s task was written on the board, for the next two days we were supposed to focus on family and parental influences on our partner’s lives.

“So tell me about your family!” I demanded, drawing us back to actual class work.

Louis listed off his family members, explained his parents’ divorce and then continued to ramble about his younger sisters for the most part of the short lesson. I just smiled and listened, taking it all in, the things he said and the way he said it. His voice was filled with such affection when he spoke about mother and sisters, and I could tell family was important to him.

“They’re annoying as hell, but I love them!” Louis concluded talking about the twins. “Then there’s mum, and she’s great, really loud and happy all the time, But she’s so good to us, and to everyone, even people who don’t deserve it. But she’s like any loving mum really; I mean she loves to embarrass me! The thinks it’s hilarious! She still calls me Boobear in fr-” Louis hand suddenly shot up over his mouth and his eyes widened in shock at what he’d just revealed.

I smirked at the pet name his mum had for him. That one was going to stick. His cheeks turned a bright shade of red as he silently begged me with his eyes not to repeat it.

“Oh, BooBear! Don’t be embarrassed! I think it’s cute!” I cooed.

Louis let out an embarrassed groan and hid his face in his hands, but I swear I saw a smile.

 

**[Zayn]**

The bell sounded and I felt resolved, this was just another complication that I knew I could beat. I was determined to. So I left the gym with my head held high, and walked back to the main building. A very happy looking Harry met me at our lockers, his green eyes shining brightly.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” I stated.

Harry just nodded enthusiastically, “Someone’s got their swag back,” he noted towards me.

Had it been that drastic and obvious? God, I let my guard down. “Well I didn’t want the girls to stop talking,” I joked, earning an eye roll from Harry before he took his things and walked away and catching a couple of girls.

I walked into my English class feeling just as determined as before. Taking an empty seat beside Eleanor after noticing that she was seated separately so Danielle.

“Zayn!” she gasped as I slid into the seat.

I smiled at her and slipped off my shades slowly. “Hey,” I flashed a quick smile.

“H-Hi,” she stuttered, immediately becoming nervous.

I smirked and glanced around, “Did you two fight?” I asked gesturing to Danielle.

Eleanor crossed her arms and fell back against her chair, “No.” she grumbled, “She wants to sit with her new boyfriend,” she said bitterly.

I cocked an eyebrow; I didn’t know Danielle had a boyfriend. Hadn’t she been all over Liam yesterday?

“Speak of the devil,” she muttered again.

I glanced around to see who she was talking about and saw Liam slid into the seat beside Danielle who automatically clutched onto his arms and places her lips against his cheek.

“They’re together already?” I asked, trying to keep my voice flat.

Eleanor shrugged, “No, but she sure isn’t wasting any time.”

“Neither is he.” I pointed out.

Eleanor shrugged and nodded her head to the side to show her partial agreement. She turned to face me, suddenly smirking.

“I’m having a conversation with Zayn Malik; you’re not as quiet as they say.”

“Ahh, but even through the conversation, are you any closer to knowing _anything_ about me?” I pointed out.

Eleanor opened her mouth the reply, a frown crossing her features – but she was interrupted by the beginning of the lesson.

I successfully ignored Liam’s presence, not once letting my eyes stray to the back of his head at all. Until Eleanor spoke to me ten minutes before the end of lesson.

“Why does Liam keep turning around to look at you?” She whispered in my ear.

I bit my lip and tensed up, trying to keep from letting my inner reaction show. I felt the nerves growing as I took in what she had said.

“I dunno, ask him.” I shrugged, glancing over at the boy.

Sure enough Liam’s light brown eyes were glancing over his shoulder at me. I caught his eye and raised my eyebrows questioningly at him. At the tiny gesture Liam shook his head and turned away, facing the front for the rest of the lesson.

I walked into the lunchroom with Harry; his eyes were scanning the room rapidly until he spotted someone. And began walking over hurriedly. I followed along behind, looking around at everyone from behind my shades. I don’t think Harry was the only who noticed the slump disappeared from my step today. There was the only one who noticed the slump disappeared from my step today. There was whispering again today. Harry walked up behind Louis quietly and suddenly attacked his sides with his fingers. Louis let out a girlish screech then began laughing uncontrollably until Harry pulled his hands away and sat down beside him smiling.

“So now I know you’re ticklish!” Harry grinned at the lighter haired brunette.

“I’m getting you back for that Styles!” Louis promised.

“Whatever BooBear,”

I sat across from them, having no idea what they were talking about. Something about the way Harry was talking to him though, the way both their eyes were sparkling… I’d never seen that look before. I felt a stab of jealousy at their shared feelings.

“Hi Zayn,” A familiar voice purred.

“How are you Perrie?” I asked politely without turning to look at her.

“I’d be better if we ate together,”

I was about to refuse her offer when I saw Liam and Danielle headed over the table.

“Sure babe,” I said it without a smile and began to stand up, stepping away from the table as Danielle reached it and sat down.

“Oh, Zayn?”

I turned slowly to face Liam.

“Do you mind if I have word?” he asked, setting his food down, but continuing to stand.

I raised my eyebrows at him for the second time today.

“Actually, he does, we were just leaving.” Perrie stepped in.

I tried not to roll my eyes and give her a shove, clenching my fists instead.

“If it only takes a second,” I answered for myself.

Liam nodded and walked over to the other side of the cafeteria away from the tables.

“One minute,” I said to Perrie before following him over, “What is it?” I asked.

_Focus, you can do this._

**_I know I can._ **

Liam took a breath. “I don’t know why you instantly disliked me, but I like your friends, and your friends like my friends, so I’d really like it if we could try and be friends.”

I looked at him blankly, a little unsure of how to respond. I didn’t know if I could do it.

_Are you willing to risk it?_

**_I don’t know…_ **

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	7. ~Seven: He’s persistent

 

 

“It’s not that easy,” I told him with a sigh.

“Why not?”

“It’s just not,” I spat, walking back to Perrie and allowing her to lead me away.

It hurt to say no to Liam, I knew he’d done nothing wrong by me, well, nothing intentionally. But I couldn’t just be friends, to see him all the time, to talk; to let him in at all would be a horrible idea. Harry was my best friend and I dint even let him in, but Harry didn’t pry. In fact, I don’t even think he realised when I was hiding things from him, but right from the start Liam has been persistent in making me talk.

“What did the new kid want?” Perrie asked, an underlying tone of disgust in her voice.

“To be friends,” I scoffed, rolling my eeys – even though the tought of being friends with Liam sort of warmed my heart.

“Who asks to be friends? And with you? Clearly he has no idea who you are,”

I felt sick listening to the way she spoke about me, like I was kind of king people weren’t worthy of being in the presence of.

“Clearly.” I flatly agreed.

“So,” She slid into an empty seat, pulling me down beside her, “Got your eye on any special girls,”

Whoa, subtle love. I leant back in my chair and smirked at her, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Perrie lightly tailed her fingers up the sleeve of my leather jacket, “I’d love to know,” she purred.

I don’t know where this confidence came from, it’s not as if Perrie had boys following her every move. Danielle and Eleanor were really the top girls, which is why we gave them any of our time, but we still had them chasing after us. Perrie was hot, sure, but her face was smudged with make-up, her clothes were two sizes too small, and she was so obviously all over anyone that would look at her. Really, most things about her were a turn off.

I was saved by the bell, quickly excusing myself and walking out of the cafeteria. On the way I couldn’t help but notice Liam sitting with his arm around Danielle, Harry was leaning around Louis and Eleanor to show them something on his phone and Niall sitting with Josh, both laughing and clutching their stomachs. A wave of loneliness swept over me as I saw my brother and best friend so happy with people I couldn’t be around. Is this how a\it was going to be from now on? Me on my own? Would I go from the top of the school to the weird quiet loner nobody knew anything about? I didn’t want that to be in my life.

“Hey Zayn?”

I twisted aound at the sound of a girl’s voice, but didn’t recognise the face I was met with. She was a little shorter than me, with a wavy brown hair; bouncing around her shoulders. Curious light brown eyes looked up at me, reminding me somewhat of Liam’s.

“Yeah?” I didn’t stop walking so she fell into beside me.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but I was just wondering if you and Perrie, are, y’know, a couple?” she asked, sounding slightly guilty that she was even there.

I bit back the disgusted noise I wanted to let out and kept my face painfully blank.

“Why? You sorry you missed your chance?” I smirked.

She scoffed, snickering at me. Quickly catching herself she tried to cover up her reaction with a cough, but I’d already heard it. I stopped in my steps and looked down at her.

“Sorry,” she muttered.

I want offended, just shocked. Not that someone wouldn’t like me, I understood that- even though it didn’t happen very often in this place. But the fact that she willingly came up to me, and asked such a question only to be amused at the idea she was implying something left me confused.

“I feel like I’m missing something.” I said.

The girl smiled at me, biting her lip, “I just wanted to know so that I could confirm whether it was true or not to my friends. I’m getting really tired of you being their only conversation topic. I seriously don’t think you’ve even spoken to any of them, so I don’t know how they can have so much to say!”

I chuckled lightly at her, and her nervous expression relaxed. “Well, I’m not dating Perrie, much to her disappointment.”

“Right, thanks for that, now they’ll be talking about how they still have a chance,” she groaned and rolled her eyes.

She stepped out of pace with me and was about to walk away when I caught her arm. If I was going to lose my friends, it wouldn’t hurt to make some more.

“What’s your name?” I asked, trying to commit her face to memory.

“Hannah,” she smiled, then she pulled out of my grip and disappeared into the crowd.

I made my way to my health class, feeling slightly less lonely than ten minutes prior. I fell into a seat around the middle of the classroom, and only looked up when I noticed someone sitting beside me.

My stomach dropped. “Look Payne, I told you-” I began to growl.

“You told me ‘it’s not that easy’ well, I’m sticking out the yards until it is.” Liam stated.

I wanted to retort, but something made me bite it back. Why was he so determined to get through to me? Part of me wanted him to keep trying, to not make him give up – but a bigger louder part of me knew that if I let that part win, nothing good would come of it.

“Don’t expect this to change,” I told him before ignoring him for the rest of the back-to-back lesson.

 

 

**-Two Weeks Later-**

It took a while, but I finally got a hold on my twisted emotions. Liam continued to sit with me in our Health class but he sat away in other classes we shared. I began sitting with them at lunch times, but I didn’t say much, I just sat there watching and listening. Danielle was still all over Liam, but he wasn’t showing much interest, and he still hadn’t asked her out. Eleanor on the other hand had begun to show some interest in Louis, but Louis was too preoccupied with Harry to notice. Either the two were really getting into this project they had, or there was something more going on. Louis seemed like a good kid, but he didn’t talk to me much, so I didn’t know him all that well 0 other than what Harry told me, which was a lot I might add. But Harry still hadn’t confessed to me that he had feelings for the boy, so I wondered if it was just me reading too much into things or if Harry just hadn’t accepted it yet. I was pretty sure Louis was gay, the way he dressed and was so happy to be physical with other guys had me suspecting right from the very beginning, but now it was the way he looked at Harry, his eyes filled with adoration. It was the way he shrunk back when Harry spoke to or about a girl, or when he called him ‘Mate’.

I sat quietly in amongst all their conversations, Danielle was hinting that she wanted Liam to take her out, but he kept looking down at his phone and wasn’t really interested in the conversation. Niall was sitting on my left, whispering things to Josh – I still didn’t know how they weren’t together yet – Eleanor was on my right, trying unsuccessfully to flirt with Louis who was sitting quietly and looking at his hands while Harry spoke to a couple of girls that had approached him, I let out an almost silent sigh, I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to be back _home_.

_Not long now._

**_I know, and things have been better lately._ **

_Just a little…_

**_But enough._ **

A small smile crept into my face while I thought about it. About how everything was going to be okay once school was over and I waited out my hour drive.

“I give up,” Eleanor muttered beside me, crossing her arms.

“Don’t worry love,” I leant closer to her ear, “Don’t tell anyone, but I think he’s gay.” I whispered.

Her eyes widened in realisation as she glanced at Louis again and all the pieces clicked into place...

“That explains _so_ much!” she muttered, shaking her head, then she giggled and whispered in my ear, “What about Liam, no eyes for Dani, think he plays for that team too?” I chuckled and shook my head.

Liam may not take too much interest in Danielle, but he still hadn’t rejected her either, and they had the occasional make-out session, so Liam was still pulling straight in my opinion – which was good, it made things a lot easier for me.

“Well are they? Y’know?” Eleanor pointed past me at Josh and Niall.

“Eventually,” I muttered back.

“See, you’re a big softie,” Eleanor giggled.

I rolled my eyes at her, “Don’t tell anyone, alright? It’s meant to be a secret.”

She pretended to zip her lips shut as the bell rang. Slowly we all got up and went our separate ways.

Once again Liam fell into the seat beside me in health. I simply nodded, acknowledging him.

“One of these days, I’m going to get a ‘hello’” he said cheerly.

I bit back my smile. No matter how much I ignored him, or how often I refused to respond; Liam never stopped talking to me. He was growing on me as he slowly revealed more about himself. I was constantly trying to hide my smiled and always kept my sunglasses on during class because when I didn’t and our eyes met it was like he could read my mind – and that made me nervous.

“Don’t get your hopes up Payne,” I sighed.

“Maybe I’ll try for a ‘Liam’ first.” He rolled his eyes, smiling at me while I fought the urge to smile back.

Liam spoke to me through the lesson, he had a bad habit of forcing me to do the work, saying he was ‘looking out for his friend’ – which he always said a bit sadly. I knew I was upsetting him a little by refusing to show more interest, but if he was paying attention wouldn’t he see how I hardly paid attention to anyone? Or showed that I did at least. That’s why I always did as he asked when he pushed pens and paper towards me; it eased the guilt.

When the bell rung, Liam said goodbye and I gave him a small wave, heading up to my locker. A loud bang echoed through the noisy corridor, silencing the students. A yelp of pain came from around the corner and then shouts and laughter. Immediately everyone caught on, something was going down. I joined in with the running crowd and pushed my way to the front, easily getting there.

One of the nastier kids in school – Dean – had Louis pinned up against a set of lockers. His feet were dangling above the ground and Dean’s arm was pinned across his, holding him up while he struggled. I broke away from the crowd, stepping into the cleared space around them. All eyes landed on me, but I walked forward with confidence, and anger radiating through me. From the corner of my eye I saw Liam struggling to get to the front of the crowd, his eyes locked on his friend pushed against the metal.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I shouted at Dean.

His head snapped around to the side and he sneered at me. “Teaching the brat a lesson,” he spat, slamming Louis against the locker once more making him whimper in pain.

“He doesn’t need to be taught a lesson. Put him down.” I said coldly.

Dean glared at me, laughing darkly. “I’m not scared of you Malik, in fact, I’m a little bit tired of you walking around like you own the place.”

“He does own the place,” Louis struggled to speak.

Dean smacked him across the face and let him slide to the floor.

“Louis!” Harry’s voice cried out from the crowd that quickly parted for him. He just got here, an angry look plastered on his face as he went straight for Dean. I was quick enough to grab his fist before it collided with Dean, and twisted him around.

“Help Liam with Louis,” I warned him.

Harry struggled until I let him go but took my warning and walked over to where Liam was leaning over Louis on the ground.

“You can’t just hit people whenever you feel like it Dean. Louis hasn’t done anything to you.”

“Did you know he’s gay?” Dean spat, sounding disgusted, like Louis committed a crime.

“So what if he is?!” I spat back, “Afraid of a little competition?”

Dean’s eyes widened, “Come on then Malik, let’s go!”

“BOYS?!” Our principle interfered.

I didn’t like to fight, but I would have loved to made an exception right there, Dean had it coming.

“Everyone go home! School is over!” Mr Cowell shouted at all the students.

Everyone scattered. Dean shouldered past me, “This isn’t over pretty boy,” he sneered before disappearing into the crowd.

I turned to Louis on the ground. Harry was standing above him, his hands shaking as he looked down. Louis’ wide eyes stared back up, his mouth moving soundlessly as he searched for words. I noticed Liam stepped away and was watching the scene nervously.

“Y-you’re gay?” Harry stuttered.

“I… You weren’t meant to find out…” Louis stuttered out as Harry took a step away.

“I…” Harry shook his head, and before I knew it he was running out of the hall towards the closest exit.

I stood frozen for a moment, gapping after him. A rush of thoughts went through my mind. He was my best friend and he needed me, but I had somewhere I _needed_ to be.

_Don’t be stupid, you know you don’t have a choice. You’ll just have to deal with the consequences after._

**_This is going to be bad, but Harry needs me…_ **

_So go!_

I ran after him at full speed catching sight of the curly head of hair halfway to the main gate.

 

**[Liam]**

I caught sight of him through the crowd, Louis head higher than it should have been showed me that he was being held up against the locker. I tried to push through the crowd, but everyone was jostling around to make way for someone else. Zayn. He stepped into the cleared area around the two boys, striding forward with his head held high.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He shouted, anger clearly ringing through his voice.

“Teaching the brat a lesson,” someone growled, pushing Louis hard against the locker.

Suddenly he was whimpering in pain, I saw his face scrunch up and he bit his lip.

“He doesn’t need to be taught a lesson. Put him down.” Zayn’s cold voice rung out.

I continued pushing my way forward, needing to help, Louis had become one of my best friends, and no-one was allowed to do this to him.

“I’m not scared of you Malik, in fact, I’m a little bit tired of you walking around like you own the place.”

“He does own the place,” Louis struggled to speak.

The guy holding him whacked him across the face and let him slide to the floor just as I broke out of the crowd. I ran to his side instantly as the guy stepped away and towards Zayn.

 “Louis!” Harry’s angry and scared voice cried out.

With a glance around I saw him running at the guy, but Zayn was quicker, reaching out to grab Harry before any damage was done. When Harry shook free, he came over and knelt Louis side with me, grabbing his hand.

“Are you okay, Boo?” He asked, softly stroking his hand down the side of Louis face.

I sent Louis a wink and backed up a bit, giving the two space. Only an idiot would miss what was between them, so I suppose they were both idiots. I looked away, watching Zayn.

 “You can’t just hit people whenever you feel like it Dean. Louis hasn’t done anything to you.”

I admired the way he didn’t let Harry hurt him, the way even though he was angry he was remaining calm.

“Did you know he’s gay?” The boy spat, sounding disgusted.

I felt fury well up in me, so what if Louis was gay! What bloody difference did that make? None! Because who he loved didn’t change anything!

“So what if he is?!” Zayn spat, taking a step forward, “Afraid of a little competition?” he sneered.

“Come on then Malik, let’s go!”

“BOYS?!” Principle Cowell interrupted, “Everyone go home! School is over!” Mr Cowell shouted at all the students.

Everyone scattered and Zayn turned to Louis on the ground, making me look back at the two boys. I was surprised at the change in their position. Harry was now standing above him, his hands shaking as he looked down. Louis wide eyes stared back up, his mouth moving soundlessly as he searched for words. It hit me that Harry hadn’t known about Louis, and Louis hadn’t wanted him to find out yet, he was still too insecure.

“Y-you’re gay?” Harry stuttered.

“I… You weren’t meant to find out…” Louis was begging Harry not to hate him, I could hear it – but I didn’t think Harry could.

“I…” Harry shook his head, and then he ran.

I looked desperately towards Zayn, having no idea if one of us should go after him, but I knew I had to stay with Louis. He stood there frozen for a moment, a conflicted look situated on his face, before he suddenly ran after Harry. I looked down at Louis who had pulled himself up and was sitting against the wall, knees up to his chest.

“Lou,” I muttered, kneeling down beside him.

 He sniffed and I realised he was crying. His eyes were already read any puffing up, tear tracks staining his cheeks. I took his wrists and pulled him up and into a hug, letting him sob into my shoulder for a moment.

“Come on, let’s go eat ice cream and watch old tacky movies,” I said, giving him another tight squeeze.

Louis nodded, sniffing again. It hurt to see him like this. I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to have the person you love run away when they found out something you were so insecure about. I didn’t know why Harry ran, it was obvious that he had feelings too, maybe it was just the shock… But on the off chance I’d been mistaken about how Harry felt, I couldn’t say that to Louis, I couldn’t risk getting his hopes up and having him hurt more later. But there was one thing I was sure of, whether Harry returned the feelings or not – he would come around.

“I knew it,” Louis spoke finally as we reached my car.

“Knew what?” I walked around to the driver’s side, unlocking the doors.

Louis pulled his door open and collapsed into the seat, pulling the door shut again he leant his head against the window and looked out. I followed his gaze and saw him watching Harry and Zayn – they were on the other side of the car park and it looked like they were shouting at each other.

“This is why I didn’t want him to know. He hates me…”

“I’m sure he doesn’t _hate_ you, Lou,” I tried to reassure him as I started the car and pulled out onto the road, headed for my house.

Louis shook his head, “Things won’t be the same now. He doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“Louis-” I began to object.

“No. Don’t. I know what I saw when he looked at me, he’s completely disgusted,” Louis said harshly. “Don’t tell me he cares when I know now that he doesn’t. He’ll be better off if I stay away. So that’s what I’ll do. I’d do anything to make him happy… Even if that means saying goodbye.” Louis whispered the last part.

I didn’t argue with him, I knew now wasn’t the time. He needed to adjust to the change, he needed Harry to be given time to adjust as well. Then they’d both see.

…Unless Louis kept his word, and stayed away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. ~Eight: The aftermath

 

 

 

**[Harry]**

“Did you now he’s gay?” Dean spat to Zayn.

The words hit my ears and I felt like I’d been hit in the chest with a brick. I straightened up and stepped back, staring down at Louis with wide eyes. I could feel my hands shaking. Everything else around me muted. I could see movement, I could hear shouting, but I didn’t it in. I just stared at the boy on the ground in front of me. His eyes were wide with fear of being outed. Part of me hoped it wasn’t true, that Dean was just being his usual dicky self and making up crap about Louis, but the way his frightened eyes were trained on me waiting for a response wiped away my hope.

“Y-you’re gay?” I managed to ask when the crowd disappeared.

“I…You weren’t meant to find out…” Louis admitted quietly.

Just like that everything around me broke. He confirmed it. The weight crashed down on my shoulders and I was shocked that my knees didn’t buckle under the sudden pressure.

“I…” I didn’t know what to say.

I felt tears prickling at my eyes, so I didn’t stick around to let him see me cry. I ran.

A part of me wanted to call after me, to chase me, but the bigger part told me it was selfish to want that. After running out into the grounds I felt someone grab my wrist.

“Louis,” I muttered, spinning around.

“Sorry mate,” Zayn looked at me apologetically. “Why did you run?”

I ripped my wrist from his grasp and shoved my hands in my pockets, walking over to the parking lot. I shrugged. I couldn’t tell Zayn. I was a horrible person, all this time I’d had no idea. I just thought Louis was a nice guy, someone who was comfortable and affectionate – I never knew it could have meant more. All that time I sat beside him, leaning closer and he didn’t freak out, all the times I pulled him places by wrapping our fingers together, when we sat cuddled up on his couch to watch tangled with his little sisters… All that time I never even considered that he could be… Worse than all that, I never saw he was being targeted by that arsehole! I was never there to protect him when I should have been. Why did he keep it all a secret?

We were in the parking lot no, almost at Zayn’s car, but he was unsatisfied with my lack of answer, and since I wasn’t giving him anymore information he roughly grabbed my shoulder and pulled me around to face him. I was surprised by the harsh glare situated in his features.

“Why did you run?” He asked again, “Louis looked like he was about to break in two when you left him,”

“I can’t! I can’t stay; I can’t be around him anymore!” I cried, throwing my arms up in defeat.

“Why the hell not? Don’t play stupid with me, I know you have feelings for him!” Zayn began raising his voice.

I froze, how did he know? “I… What? I don’t know what you’re talking about!” I knew my lie was unconvincing.

Zayn rolled his eyes at me and crossed his arms, glaring fiercely at me. “Don’t lie to me Harry, I can see it in the way you watch him and hold onto him.” His tone softened and he dropped his hands into his pockets, “It’s not something to be ashamed of.”

“Yes, it is.” I told him, knowing he didn’t understand.

I couldn’t be ashamed of caring Louis; he was so kind, good humoured, natural, honest, and perfect in every way. That wasn’t what I was ashamed of.

“Why would you say that?” He asked, somewhat… Defensively?

“You don’t understand, you wouldn’t.” I turned away and began walking away.

“Try me!” he challenged, falling into step beside me.

I ran both hands through my hair in frustration. Zayn was my best mate, and I knew I could trust him but what did he think of me now? Now he knew I had feelings for Louis, now he’d seen me turn my back on him.

“You can tell me anything, Harry.” He added kindly.

 I bit my lip nervously before launching into my explanation, walking in no particular direction with Zayn by my side.

“Ever since I first saw him, he’s been on my mind. I was so excited to spend all this time with him, and when I thought he already didn’t like me it hurt so badly. I didn’t really get it at first, but I couldn’t deny it, I knew I liked him. But I thought he was straight, I had no idea that everything that meant more to me could possibly mean more to him. And I didn’t want him to know, because I knew he could never feel the same! I threw myself at girls in front of him. I made jokes and told stories all to make him think I was straight. And now that I know… Now that I know he’s gay… It changes everything! It gives me a chance, I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold back anymore… But I know that any chance I might have had with him is now gone now because of how I acted, how I always flirted with the girls around him, how I walked away from him… I wasn’t there for him and I should have been, but I didn’t know…”

Zayn waited until I finished my explanation. “He’ll forgive you.” He told me

That’s really all he had to say?

“I don’t know…”

“Well, I do. He loves you Harry, I think he has for a long time, and you never even noticed him until you hit him with that damn plane! But he looks at you like you’re the most perfect person in the world. It hurts him when you ignore him for the girls that are swooning over you, but he waits there beside you, not minding, just being happy he gets any of your attention. He’ll forgive you.”

I looked at him curiously as he said this, a tiny on his lips – as if he was talking from experience. But I couldn’t recall a time where Zayn could have been Louis’ position.

“You think he loves?” I asked quietly; hope bubbling up in me again. Zayn nodded. “Not a doubt in my mind.”

A spark flashed inside my chest, warming my whole body as I thought about it, could he? Could he really just be waiting for me like Zayn said? Would he forgive me for running? Would he understand if I just explained the way I explained to Zayn?

“What do I do?” I asked hopelessly.

I’d never been in this situation before, where I was scared to be rejected, where I was afraid things would be different and I would lose something I cared about more than I thought possible.

“Give him tonight to take it in, to calm down and recover. Tomorrow just apologise for running off, just take it as it comes, everything will be fine.”

I nodded slowly. I could already feel the anticipation; this would mean so many different things. And every single one of them excited me.

 

**[Niall]**

“It was really cool the way Zayn stepped in for Louis, I know we all hang out at lunch, but I get the feeling he never wants to be there, you know? So I didn’t really expect that. I guess I underestimated him. I reckon you must be proud to call him your brother.”

 Josh continued to ramble on about this afternoon while we sat at the top of the hill. It looked down over a children’s playground, surrounded by botanical gardens. It had become our spot, each time the sun was shining we made our way up here, and we just sat and talked. Sometimes we brought a footy and kicked it around, but mostly we just had a laugh. I liked it most when we had the footy and he would tackle me, ending up an inch from my face. But I was always so sure he could hear my accelerated heartbeat through my shirt when we were like that. I looked over, watching his lips form around his words, biting my own to resist the urge to crash them together and give myself away.

“It was really disgusting what Dean was doing, targeting Louis as if he was any different, as if being gay changes everything. I hate how the label is always there, how there is always a defining line, no matter how much someone supports it. You’re always different if you’re gay.”

He said it so sadly – I still hadn’t figured out if he was gay, or if he had a close friend or family member who was. It was clear he was passionate about it, but I didn’t want to go make assumptions. I just hoped it was him and that I had a chance.

“I don’t like walking around knowing that everyone who figures it out will look at me differently,”

My heart stopped, did he just admit…? Josh looked away, tugging some grass from the ground and fiddling with it in his fingers. He looked nervous and refused to look in my direction, he did. He admitted he was gay and he was waiting for my reaction! Josh was… My heart started again at three times its normal pace. I wanted to tell him it was okay, that he didn’t have to be worried and I could never look at him differently, but when I opened my mouth no words came out. Josh finally looked around, a little unsure of my silence. I beamed at him, the grin stretching widely across my face, already causing my cheeks to ache.

“W-what?” He asked nervously.

“Are you saying, that you’re…?” I asked through my smile.

Josh blushed; and it was damn adorable, “Please don’t hate me…” he muttered.

That was about all I could take. My self-control just evaporated. I pushed on his shoulders, forcing him back on the ground in a swift movement. Holding myself up with and elbow planted beside his head on the grass I leant over him, letting my free hand trail over his chest. I heard his breath hitch and he looked up at me with wide eyes.

I leant in, closer to his face, my smile softening and becoming small, “I could _never_ hate you,” I whispered against his lips before closing the distance between us.

The moment our lips connected felt a jolt of electricity run over my skin, setting every part of me on fire. Josh’s reaction was immediate, he reached his hands up behind my neck, pulling my face closer to deepen the already passionate kiss. We moved together perfectly, as I was half on top of him, our chests pressing together, his other hand wound around my waist while I clutched his shirt. I didn’t want to hold back, pushing my tongue softly against his bottom lip he let me in immediately and I smiled into the kiss, fighting with him for dominance. I let him win when I hear his moan of satisfaction from our tongues rubbing together. I tried to press further onto him, wanting no space between us but before long we both ran out of breath and needed to pull away. Both panting, I rested my head on his chest while he held me tightly.

“Wow…” He breathed.

I grinned proudly, fiddling with his shirt, “I’ve been waiting for that far too long,”

“Well, that makes the two of us…” he admitted breathlessly.

“Guess we should make up for lost time,” I smirked, pulling off him and crashing our lips together again, getting an enthusiastic reaction from the boy beneath me.

 

**[Liam]**

Louis was curled up at my side, letting out a stray sob or hiccup every now and then. He was trying to distract himself by watching the movie, but Finding Nemo wasn’t exactly a completely happy movie. He giggled every now and then, and muttered Dory’s lines along with her, but I could tell his mind was elsewhere, still on Harry. I continued to rub comforting circles on his back, but my mind was wandering as well. The way Zayn so willingly stepped forward to defend Louis when the two didn’t even speak had left me with a strange feeling of adoration. He always rushed off after school to go wherever it was he went, it was obviously important to him – but today he chased Harry, and that only strengthened my new found feeling. I was sure Zayn could see how the boys felt about each other, so maybe he was talking Harry around to admitting to Louis. I couldn’t comprehend why Harry ran, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a perfectly reasonable explanation for it. Maybe this could be my way to get closer to Zayn. He was slowly warming up to me, he didn’t ignore me as much, and he didn’t glare at me or stare anymore. But we weren’t really friends either. I wanted to be though, I still couldn’t deny the strange draw I felt to him. Even if he didn’t feel it too, I could tell it was an effort for him to block me out. I’d always catch him smiling at things I said when I turned away from him and he thought I wasn’t looking – that’s what kept me going, what stopped me from giving up. That damn smile, the unsure but genuinely happy little smile he didn’t let anyone see. But I’d seen it, and I’d become addicted to it, I didn’t ever want it to disappear.

“Why did he run, Li?” Louis asked suddenly.

I sighed and stroked his messy hair, “He was just shocked Lou, he’ll come around – you’ll see.”

Louis nodded against my chest. “I’m scared…” He admitted, his voice shaking.

“But what if he hates me? And what if Dean gets worse now?” Louis whimpered.

I hadn’t even thought of Dean, honestly. I had a feeling he wouldn’t be an issue anymore thoug.

“Zayn will keep an eye on that, he won’t let him touch you,” I said firmly.

Louis pulled away from me and sat up, “Why are you so sure of him?”

“He helped you today, didn’t he? And there was no benefit for him?”

“Except everyone looking at him like he’s a hero!”

I shook my head, “I don’t think that’s why he did it. Besides, Harry will be watching your back too. He _does_ care about you. I know your friendship means a lot to him.”

“Not anymore…” Louis whimpered, thankfully dropping the subject of Liam. “Can I stay here tonight?”

“Course Lou,” I smiled and opened my arms to him again, letting him collapse back into them.

“Thanks Liam… For not hating me for who I am… For being here…” Louis whispered, snuggling closer to me.

“Always, Lou. You’re sort of my best friend,” I chuckled

“You’re mine too… But you’re not as comfy as Harry…” He murmured a tiny smile on his lips.

I smiled down at him, letting him fall asleep on me, I knew he was exhausted, and he’s need his energy tomorrow if he was going to see Harry.

 

 

**[Zayn]**

I opened up a new message on my phone, lying in bed.

 _I’m sorry. Harry needed me, tomorrow?_ I sent.

I waited for a reply, staring nervously at my phone. It lit up and vibrated in my hand and I was immediately taken over by nervous butterflies.

Opening the message I read: _Don’t bother coming back until you sort out your priorities._

My heart sank as I read the words across the screen.

 _I have. Tomorrow_. I sent back before turning off my phone and putting it to the side.

 

_You’re in trouble._

**_I know…_ **

 

My stomach twisted uncomfortably while I lay in bed, bothering anticipation and fear running through me at the thought of tomorrow.


	9. ~Nine: Unwanted concern

“Zayn!” I spun around to see Harry sprinting towards me up the front steps of the school.

“Good mood?” I asked, inspecting his grin.

“Harry shrugged, his dimples deepening as he smiled wider. “Have you see Louis this morning? I don’t have class with him until third!”

I shook my head, “Sorry man, I haven’t.”

I could see a little bit of life drain from Harry’s eyes as he stepped closer to me and began talking quietly.

“What if he’s upset with me?”

I rolled my eyes. “Harry. We’ve been over this, remember?”

“Yeah… But…” Harry nervously fiddled with his fingers, “Never mind, I’ll see you later,” then he was gone again.

I was about to call after him to reassure him but as I opened my mouth to shout another voice interrupted, shouting for me.

“Oi, Zayn!”

I groaned at the familiar voice and turned again to see Liam jogging over. I waited for him but didn’t address him.

“I need your help.” He said when he reached me, a nervous look in his eyes.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” I asked, immediately overcome with concern.

I was pissed at myself instantly, why had I let so much emotion show in my voice? Why was there so much emotion there to show in the first place?

Liam looked at me with a shocked expression, “I…Uh, nothing’s _wrong_. It’s just Louis…”

“Oh…” I felt an awkwardly feeling settling over me.

“He didn’t want to come to school because he thinks Harry hates him,” Liam told me.

“What?! Harry could never hate him!” I groaned in frustration, how thick could these boys get?

“I know that but he doesn’t believe me!” Liam complained.

“I’m really tire-“

“ZAYN!!!!” Niall interrupted, jumping onto my back.

I stumbled forward a little then shook him off, turning to face him angrily. “Where the hell have you been?! You weren’t home last night or this morning! Do you know how worried I’ve been about you after what happened to Louis yesterday!?” I shouted at him, getting a few nervous looks.

Niall jumped back into Josh’s protective arms, making me smirk.

“Sorry… My phone died…” Niall smiled apologetically and nervously.

“Well,” I crossed my arms over my chest, “Where were you?”

“I was with Josh, _mum_ ,” Niall rolled his eyes.

That’s when I noticed the way Josh’s arm was still wrapped around Niall’s waist, and Niall was leaning into him, his hand placed lightly on the taller boys’ chest. I gasped and clapped a hand over my mouth. Niall blushed, seeing I’d caught on.

“Congratulations,” Liam grinned from beside me, “It’s about time _someone_ got it right,”

“Speaking of,” I turned back to him, “We need to fix those two up,”

“Well, look at you, suddenly keen to play cupid, that’s a little different to your usual style, isn’t it?” he teased.

I groaned and gave him a light shove, “I just want to see my best mate happy, okay?”

Liam smirked, “Yeah sure,”

I didn’t understand why he looked so pleased until I realised I was actually talking to him, even smiling at him. I dropped my smile quickly and saw a flash of hurt and disappointment in his eyes, but I brushed it off.

“Get Louis to school, okay? Harry was going to apologise to him…” I tried not to make eye contact with him again.

“Alright,” Liam was sounding disappointed. “I’ll see you later,” he said quietly and shortly before disappearing into the building.

 Niall and Josh were gone to, I didn’t know where they went, but I’d give them my blessing and best wishes later, there was a bigger matter at hand. Unfortunately the bell rang and I had to go to English first.

I sat at the table behind Danielle and Liam, his arm rested lazily around the back of her chair, but hardly touched her. I was finding it hard to keep my eyes of his head today, right up until now I’d managed just fine to ignore him, but that wave of concern for him that hit me this morning just wouldn’t disappear from my thoughts. I’d had a sinking feeling, worry clouded my mind immediately, and all for nothing, he was perfectly fine. I hadn’t expected to care that way, to have such a reaction. I hardly spoke to him, so it didn’t make sense, di it? Sure he spoke to me a lot, but did I ever take any of it in? No, I never really paid attention, it was easier that way.

“Zayn?” Eleanor asked from beside me.

I whipped my head around to look at her, indicating I was listening.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “You seem quiet… I mean, more than usual…”

I shrugged my shoulders; I didn’t think it was possible for me to be quieter than usual. Eleanor let the matter drop and continued with her work – work that I should have also been doing but was choosing to ignore at the moment.

 

 

**[Liam]**

I had been so close, he was smiling, he was talking back, and he was acting like we were friends. Then he caught himself and twisted it all around, pretending that it never happened, going back to saying nothing to me, no, worse. He’d gone, back to staring at me. I could feel his gaze burning holes in the back of my head, and I was resisting the urge to turn around and snap at him, demanding to know what his bipolar problem was. Every time I think I’m beginning to get through to him, he shrinks away again. I know it shouldn’t hurt so much, but it fills me with disappointment all the time. I sat in English thinking back to when I was at my previous school. After the word about my families money got out, everyone jumped at the chance to know me, I wondered if the same thing would happen with Zayn…? I don’t think I wanted him to become my friend that way, though. Maybe I was just still doing this whole thing because I still hadn’t won him over. I’m naturally good at reading people, so I generally can befriend people because I know what to do and what not to do around them, but there was so much about Zayn I couldn’t figure out, and his eyes were always hidden behind those dark glasses, making it impossible for me to decipher him – despite how much I wanted to at times.

The bell rand at the end of second period and I slid out of my seat. Danielle caught my hand, and though I didn’t let it go, I didn’t exactly hold it back as she tugged me from the classroom. I had Health now, so I shook her off in a hurry to get to my locker. I wanted to see something. I walked quickly to the classroom, and was relieved to find that I’d beaten Zayn. For the past two weeks we’ve sat at the same desk every day, usually he got there first, and I went to his side, and if I was there first I would sit there out of habit. Today, after this morning’s confusion, I wanted to see something. From his first day in this class Zayn has sat in that same seat, and every day in each other class we shared, he sat in the same seat – except English when he moved from Perrie to Eleanor. So walking into the class today, I picked a different seat, at an empty desk near a window at the back of the class.

A minute later, Zayn walked in. his eyes fell on the empty desk where we usually sat, and a tiny frown appeared on his lips as he began walking to it. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep my nerves from showing. When he was at the desk before the one we usually sat at, he spotted me. I let out a breath I hadn’t realised I was keeping in, and a smug feeling settled over me. He chose to sit with me, and that was a start.

“Why did you move?” He asked.

I pointed out the window that the desk was situated beside, surprised he was beginning a conversation, “It’s sunny.”

“You’re weird,” he muttered, leaning back in his seat.

I grinned at him and shrugged, “So?”

“Nothing,” he shook his head, the shadow of a smiling appearing and I could tell he was biting it back.

Damn, I hated it when he did that. I loved the smile, and I knew I wasn’t the only one. Every time he smiled there was a chorus of female giggles from people he was within eyeshot of. Was I like that, one of those girls that watched his every move, is that what I was becoming? No, I couldn’t be, I just wanted to be his friend, to understand, after all – all our friends were friends, so logically; shouldn’t we be too?

The lesson passed slowly and Zayn made no effort to speak to me again. He kept his shades on all lesson as well, so I couldn’t see what was going on behind them. I never understood why he wore them in class, it would just make everything darker and hard to see. When the bell rang, I expected him to get up and walk out without a word, but he waited by the desk and walked out by my side, leaving me in a small state of shock.

“Is Louis going to come to school?” He asked.

I shook my head sadly, “No, he refuses. He says he feels sick, but I know he’s just scared of what Harry will say.”

“They’re too quick for their own good. Harry was going to say he was sorry for running…” Zayn was talking more to himself than me, but I agreed with him.

“Do you think we could convince Harry to go to Lou’s place after school?” I asked him.

I slowed down next to my locker, thinking he’d respond and walk off with the slightest of waves, but he stopped too. What was going on with him today? Zayn leant against the locker beside mine while I put my things away.

“Maybe, but since Louis isn’t here, Harry might blame himself and just sulk, refusing to do anything about it until Louis is ‘ready’ to see him.”

I think this is the longest double sided conversation I’ve ever had with him. I closed my locker, nodding. Since Zayn took nothing to Health we walked straight to the cafeteria and got in line.

“Well, Louis would be ready to see him now he knew how Harry felt!” I groaned, this just wasn’t going well.

“I know, but it’s not our place to tell him. Besides, do you really think he’d believe us?”

I sighed, grabbing a bowl of chicken noodle soup, “Let’s just convince Harry to go see him then,”

Zayn nodded and we made our way out of the line and over to a table where Harry already sat with Josh and Danielle. Niall joined us about five minutes later, falling happily onto Josh’s lap I watched Harry give them an envious look and decided now was as good a time as any.

“Harry?” I asked.

“Liam! I didn’t even notice you guys get here. Hey, have you seen Louis? He wasn’t in English,” Harry frowned at me, waiting for an explanation.

“He didn’t come today,” I told him.

“W-why not?”

“He’s upset…” I admitted.

Harry slammed his head on the table, causing me to jump.

“Oi!” Zayn snapped at the curly haired boy.

Harry just grunted. I turned helplessly to Zayn.

 

 

**[Zayn]**

“Oi!” I shouted at Harry’s self-abuse but he grunted and waved me off while Liam turned to me, a pleading look in his eye.

“Harry,” I sighed, “Go see Louis after school.”

Harry shook his head against the table. “He hates me now, doesn’t he?”

“No!” Liam gasped, “Harry he doesn’t hate you, far from it, he thinks you hate him.”

Harry’s head snapped up and I saw he was crying. I got up and repositioned myself between Liam and Harry, pulling my friend into a hug, not caring how out of character it seemed to everyone around me. Danielle was quick to take my seat on the other side of Liam but I tried to ignore her and focus on the slowly breaking boy in my arms.

“Harry, just go and talk to him, go explain, just like we talked about.” I told him, pulling out of the hug.

Harry contemplated it for a moment, but finally agreed and wiped away his tears. We zoned back into the conversation around us then. Danielle was frowning at her soup.

“Urgh, this is too hot, I can’t drink it. I’ll be back,” she grumbled, getting out of her seat.

I didn’t know where she was going, but Niall was eyeing the abandoned food longingly between the mouthfuls Josh was feeding him.

“Good job,” Liam whispered, nodding towards a now smiling Harry.

I shot him a quick smile before wiping it off my face at Danielle’s return.

“I needed a spoon,” she announced, though I was pretty sure no one actually cared. “Here babe, I got you one too,”

Danielle began to move one of the two spoons in her hand to Liam’s bowl but I snatched it out of her grip before it could hit the warm liquid. Liam looked horrified at what almost happened.

“What are you doing?!” She snapped at me angrily.

“What are _you_ doing?” I snapped right back, just as harshly.

“Doing my boyfriend a favour!”

Something in me twisted uncomfortably at that, I didn’t know they were officially together.

“Really?” I sneered. “Because last time I checked he had a fear of spoons,”

Liam’s jaw dropped open, his eyes budging out of his head.

 

_What are you doing? How do you know that? What’s with crazy over protective guy all of a sudden?!_

**_I… What?_ **

_What are you doing?!_

**_God, I don’t know… I didn’t even know that about him…_ **

_Get a grip Malik!_

 

I noticed everyone at the table was now staring at me, so I dropped the spoon and muttered an excuse before getting out of my seat and disappearing into the crowd. I made my way outside and sat at a picnic table beneath a tree. My elbows rested on the table top and I laced my hands over my face. What the hell was that? I just got overly protective over a guy I try my hardest to ignore.

“Hey,” his voice rang out.

I looked up to see him beginning to sit across from me, I just nodded at him.

“I didn’t know you would remember that, you never even looked at me when I mentioned it in passing…” Liam looked down at the table, so he was unable to seem me shrug. But I was too afraid to talk, scared of what I might say. Liam let out a wishful sigh, “Why are you making this so hard?” he asked, his voice suddenly strained.

“I’m not.” I said flatly.

“Yes, you are! I’m trying to get to know you here!” He sounded frustrated and I didn’t blame him but I didn’t let that show.

“And why would I want to get to know you?” I asked coldly.

It physically pained me to say the words, because they were so full of false implications. I would have loved to get to know Liam, but I was afraid of what would happen to me if I did, afraid of what I might lose. Liam looked like I hit him, and I had the desire to reach out and apologise, but I kept my hands by my side, I couldn’t have those feelings.

“Well,” Liam took a deep breath, recomposing his determined expression. “Why wouldn’t you?”

“Look Payne, you don’t know me, you don’t _want_ to know me. Do us both a favour and stop trying before someone gets hurt,” I spat at him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Liam growled.

I hadn’t been threatening him, especially not since I was the one I knew would end up being hurt, not him.

“Just leave it, Payne,” he was getting on my nerves now.

Why did he have to be so god damn persistent! How could he not see how serious I was? I _needed_ him to stop with this, but I didn’t know how to get that across to him without telling him the truth – and the truth really wasn’t an option, despite how much part of me wished it could be. I don’t know when it started happening, when I started to absorb everything that he said like a sponge without knowing. I don’t know when I began caring about losing him, and keeping him safe, but sitting across from him now, watching his expression twist into one of hurt, I was feeling all the emotions swirl inside me.

“What if I refuse to go away?” Liam asked weakly.

His determination was slipping; I could almost feel him giving up on me.

“Fine, then stay. But don’t expect anything from me.” I glared at him, even though he couldn’t see my eyes.

Reaching down into my pocket I pulled out a packet of cigarettes and began to light one.

“Do you mind?” I asked, as he watched me with a shocked expression.

“I do actually.” Liam watched as I raised the cigarette to my lips.

“Run along then,” I sneered.

Liam looked like I’d hit him again and I tried my hardest to ignore the aching in my chest as he slowly stood up and walked away from me. When he was out of sight I put out the cigarette and dropped my head onto the table.

_This can’t be happening._

**_Oh, but it is._ **


	10. ~Ten: Cakes, apologies and consequences

**[Liam]**

It hurt when he spoke to me like that, after his concern this morning, our leaving health and talking, the way he was so protective over me from Danielle… I thought maybe he was beginning to care. But I was wrong. Even if he was starting to care, he didn’t want to care.

“Leeeeyum!” Niall called back over the table.

Danielle was watching me apprehensively after walking away from her to go after Zayn. I fell into the seat next to her, and without giving it a second thought I took her face in my hands and smashed our lips together in a forceful kiss. She responded enthusiastically, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling herself up onto my lap. We sat there making out in front of everyone until the bell indicated it was time to go back to class. She’d started calling me her boyfriend,, so I might as well play the part. I also just wanted a distraction from the heavy sinking feeling that was filling my chest.

 

When school ended I watched from my cat as Zayn bolted to his, shouting something over his shoulder at Harry. He was off again, to where ever it was he disappeared to. Where ever he wanted to be so badly. His words from this afternoon played back in my head.

_Why would I want to get to know you?_

_You don’t want to know me._

_Stop trying before someone gets hurt._

_Don’t expect anything from me._

Why didn’t he want to get to know me? What was so wrong with me that made him repulsed at the idea of me being a bigger part of his life? I sunk back in my seat staring aimlessly out the windscreen. I wanted to know him – I had no idea what could have possessed him to think that I didn’t. I wanted to know why he was so quiet and dark, why his best friend was a bubbly flirty boy, why he was so close with Niall. Harry, Niall and Josh seemed to be the only ones who understood that relationship. All I expected from him was a chance, one measly little chance… The thing that got me the most though… _Stop trying before someone gets hurt._ Something about the way he said that wasn’t right. It didn’t feel like a threat, he didn’t say it like he was going to hurt me, there’d been a hint of fear in his voice. I would never do anything to hurt him though, why would he ever think I would? I’d been nothing but good to him since I got here, despite how cold he was towards me… I bit down on my lip and started the car; everything was starting to feel more wrong than before.

 

 

**[Harry]**

“Good luck!!” Zayn shouted over his shoulder at me while running off to his car.

I internally groaned, I had no idea what to say when I saw Louis. The guilt had been weighing down in my chest since I found out he’d been too scared to come to school. How could I have not seen it, not felt it?

_Stop it Harry, you’re getting ahead of yourself._

I’d had to continue reminding myself all day that just because Louis was gay didn’t mean he would automatically like me, or that he ever would for that matter. We’d only known each other for two weeks, and even though my feelings were growing undeniably stronger on a daily basis, it didn’t mean he felt the same. I got home in record time and went straight to the DVD collection that Gemma and I had accumulated over the years. I pulled out ever sappy movie and romantic comedy we owned and left the house again, this time getting in my car and driving to a small bakery in town.

“Harry!” Grace cried out in delight when I walked in.

I smiled widely at her, I’d worked here last year but my mum had forced me to leave the job and focus on my last year of school this year, so I’d regretfully said goodbye.

“Hi, Grace,”

“What can I do for you?” she asked. Wiping her hands on the front of her apron.

“Do you have any of those miniature mud cakes?” I asked, making a circle with my hands to suggest the size to her.

Grace pulled on a thoughtful look and had a glance in the cake cabinet, with a frown she held up a finger – indicating for me to wait – and disappeared into the back room. A few moments later she came out with a small white box and a giant smile. She opened the lid and revealed a cake that was between the size of an average one and a large muffin. I nodded enthusiastically and paid for it after she knocked off half the price

“Oh, do you have any spoons?” I asked before I forgot.

Grace handed a couple of plastic spoons over the counter and gave me a quizzical look, “What are you planning Harry?” she asked.

“I’ll let you know when I find out,” I grinned again, this time a little nervously and left the café.

Placing the cake on top of the DVD’s I began driving towards Louis’ place. My heartbeat steadily increased as I made my way there. When I pulled up across the street I sat in my car gripping the steering wheel for about twenty minutes, trying to figure out what to say.

Taking a deep breath and gathering all my courage I scooped up the DVD’s and cake before I could back out and climbed out of the car – running quickly across the road and up the front path until I stood in front of his door. With another shaky breath, I lifted my fist and knocked.

“Harry!” Jay smiled widely at me when she swung the door open.

“Hi Jay! Is Louis here?”

“He’s upstairs, he wasn’t feeling well today – Is he expecting you?”

I shook my head, “When he wasn’t at school I thought I’d surprise him and see how he was feeling,”

She looked at me fondly, and somewhat knowing before and stepping out of the way, “In his room, you know where it is,” she smiled.

I waved to the twins as I walked past the lounge room and said a quick ‘Hi’ to Lottie who was on her laptop, not paying attention to the world. Shaking my head a little, I took the steps two at a time, full of anticipation and excitement.

Louis’ bedroom door was already slightly ajar. With a look through the gap I could see Louis lying on his bed staring at his phone. I silently pulled out my phone and opened a new message to him.

 _I missed you at school today… xx_ I sent.

I waited for a moment before I heard a small beep from Louis phone. I watched his face twist in surprise as he tapped the screen. His eyes scanned the short message quickly and his whole face lit up. He raised a hand to his lips and began chewing on his fingernails as his face fell and sighed.

“No you didn’t…” I heard him whisper to himself sadly as he sent a reply.

Moments later my phone buzzed silently in my hand and I glanced down at the message.

Boo<3

_I’ll be back tomorrow…_

I slid my phone into my pocket and pushed his door open, leaning against the wooden frame.

“I can’t wait until tomorrow,” I announced.

Louis shot up into a sitting position and stared at me with wide eyes. _No you didn’t_.  Did he really believe that?

“I… Hi…” He mumbled.

“Why weren’t you at school, Boo?” I asked, wanting to hear it from him.

“I…” he look away and I noticed his shoulders shaking.

I let go all my nerves and stepped forward up to his bed and sunk down beside him, placing the DVD’s and cake to one side. I rested my hand on his knee, drawing his eyes down to the contact, I heard him gulp and a spark of hope lit up inside me, maybe he could return my feelings…

“Boo, I’m so, so sorry…” I whispered quietly.

Louis slowly raised his eyes up to meet mine, “For what HazzaBear?” he bit his lip nervously.

_Here goes nothing…_

“I shouldn’t have run yest-“

He cut me off, “It’s okay, it freaks people out… You can’t help it…”

He moved so my hand fell off his knee and looked away again.

“Louis, don’t be stupid,” I caught his face with my hand, cupping his cheek and turning him back to face me.

He let out a sigh and leant into the touch, causing me to smile.

“I didn’t run because I was freaked out. I don’t care that you’re gay – it doesn’t change anything. I ran out of guilt. I should have been there for you while Dean was hurting you, I should have protected you from that. I felt like an awful friend because you hadn’t been able to come to me with your eyes as I said this.

Louis’ eyes grew watery quickly and I wiped a tear off his cheek gently with my thumb.

“Don’t cry,” I begged.

Louis shook his head, “I… I th-thought you h-hated me…”

My heart shattered in my chest. Instinctively I wrapped my arms tightly around him, wanting to hold him together and comfort him.

“I could never hate you,” I murmured in his ear, repeatedly running my hand through his hair.

Louis nuzzled closer into me, increasing my pulse again.

“Is that why you didn’t tell me?” I asked after a moment of silence.

Louis bobbed his head against me in a nod, “I didn’t know how you’d take it…”

_Go on, tell him…_

“Boo?”

“Mmm?”

_Come on Styles, you’ll be lucky if he can’t already hear your heart racing!_

“There’s another reason I ran…” I told him quietly.

“I knew it…” His voice broke.

“No! Lou, listen to me, okay?” I pleaded with him.

Louis bit his lip and looked down at his bed, but he waited for my explanation.

“I felt like I’d ruined the chance I could have had, and that hurt.” I told him, suddenly confident.

Slowly Louis raised his head and I was met with a pair of bright and confused blue eyes. “Ruined what chance?”

“All that time, I never knew. So I tried to hide it from you, I threw myself at girls; I acted like we were just a couple of mates, because I never knew. If I had known, if I’d had any idea that I had a chance, I would have spent every second with you, ignoring every other person who walked by,”

Louis shifted closer to me, his confusion slowly fading and being replaced with hope and nervousness.

“So, ruined what chance Harry?” he asked again, a little smile tugging on his lips.

“Ruined the chance to make you mine, and only mine. Ruined my chance to be yours and only yours…”

Louis suddenly pulled back from me and fell into his pillows. “What’s in the box?” he asked, changing the subject completely.

I gapped at him, I just told him how I felt, that I wanted him to be mine, and he just _ignored_ it?!

“I… Uhh… Cake…” I muttered, picking up the box and handing it to him.

“Put a movie on Curly,” Louis demanded, pointing at the TV set that was across from his bed.

I slowly stood up and walked over to it, pushing ‘The Notebook’ into the DVD player. When I sat back down on his bed, Louis reached out and dragged me up against his headboard, cuddling into my side and making himself comfortable against my chest. He picked up one of the spoons and shoved it into the cake, scooping out a chunk and holding it up to my lips. I just looked down at him, not parting my lips. What was he doing? What did this mean? How was I supposed to take it? It didn’t feel like rejection… Louis frowned at me a little and pushed the spoon harder against my lips. With a sigh I let him feed me the cake, I suppose I’d take what I could get, and cuddling on his bed, watching romance movies and eating cake sounded pretty good right then.

I was watching Louis more than I was watching the movie, the way he smiled fondly at the screen when there were happy moments or how he chewed his lips nervously when things got tense.

“Stop staring, Haz,” he muttered, eyes still glued to the screen.

I can’t help it…” I told him.

Louis tilted his head up ever so slightly to look at me. That’s when I fell in love with him. His eyes had that sparkle in them, there were no traces of the scared hurt nervous boy that had been there when I first spoke to him. A fond smile played on his lips and he looked adorable as he tried to keep it from breaking across his face. His bright blue eyes were shining up at me, filled with adoration that I’d never noticed before. I didn’t need him to tell me, I knew, he felt it too.

“Lou?” I shuffled my position slightly, cupping his cheek with my hand.

Louis temptingly bit his lip, watching me expectantly.

“Would you… I mean… I didn’t ruin my chance, did I?”

“Harry… I’ve always been yours… Even before you knew my name…”

It took a moment for the words to sink in and for me to understand the meaning behind them. The guilt that had been filling my chest all day came rushing back.

“I… I didn’t… I never…”

Louis pressed his finger to my lips to silence me and shook his head, “It doesn’t matter now.”

“Yes, it does! I wasted so much time!”

I couldn’t believe it, however long Louis had feelings for me, I’d never noticed him, and we could have been together by now.

“So stop wasting time Styles, and make me yours.”

I didn’t need be told twice, “Louis, BooBear, do you want to be my boyfriend?”

“No! Harry Styles that was absolutely pathetic!” Louis groaned.

“I… what?!” What was he talking about? He asked me to ask him out, didn’t he?!

“That’s nothing like how I imagined it,” Louis pouted, crossing his arms.

“Oh, you imagined it, did you?” I giggled

“Maybe once or twice…” Louis blushed.

“Why don’t you show me how it’s done then?” I challenged him, smirking a little.

Louis sent a smirk right back.

“Harry,” he ran a hand through my curls, “I know we haven’t known each other for too long, but every moment I spend with you, I fall a little more. I don’t want to have to be without you, I don’t want to be scared that you’re not coming back every time you walk away. You’re the highlight of my day, and I want to be the reason behind your smiles. Be mine?”

I wound my arms around Louis’ waist and pulled him back onto my lap, my heart pounding at his words, “that was cheesy, and corny, and adorable and perfect,”

“Is that a yes?”

I rested my forehead against his, letting my heart flutter and the butterflies take over. The warmth that was spreading through my body reached my eyes as I smiled.

“Yes, yes, a million times, yes,” I murmured.

Louis closed his eyes, sighing happily and I rubbed our noses together in an eskimo kiss.

Louis’ eyes snapped open again after a moment, “Okay, I’ve been waiting for a year Styles, hurry up and kiss me!”

I bit my lip, looking into his eyes, I wanted to, god, I wanted to. But I’d only ever kissed girls before. Louis licked his bottom lip and bit down on it nervously – it sent me over the edge and any doubts I was feeling vanished. Holding him tighter against me, my eyes fluttered closed and I lowered my lips to his, Louis eagerly met me half way. His lips were slightly rougher than any girls were, but he tasted far better. I felt his hand tangle in my hair and his chest press against mine. Before I knew it he’d pushed me down and was lying on top of me. Our lips were moving perfectly together, and we were both growing short of breath, but I didn’t want to pull away. Louis tried to pull out of the kiss, but I pushed my neck up following him and recapturing his lips with mine, not wanting to let go. I felt him smile against me, but then his hands found my chest and pushed me back down onto his bed, breaking the kiss as he hovered above me.

“Worth the wait?” I asked breathlessly,

“Every minute,”

 

 

**[Zayn]**

I was scared. Usually the excitement would cancel out my nerves and my fear, but it was different this time. I should have been driving down this road yesterday, but I hadn’t. Instead I had been with my best friend, helping him make a decision that would change his life, keeping him from making the mistake of letting someone I can see him falling in love with slip away. Wasn’t that a good enough reason, wasn’t that a fair justification? I hoped so. I wanted it to be enough, because if it wasn’t, I knew I would be hurt.

_Of course you’ll be hurt. That’s how this always goes down, haven’t you figures that out by now?_

**_Not always, sometimes I…_ **

_Something you what? Only come away with a scratch?_

**_Sometimes nothing happens!_ **

_Bullshit. You know it._

**_There’s a reason I keep going back._ **

_Is it a good reason?_

**_Yes. How can I even consider reconsidering that!?_ **

_Because you know there’s something wrong here._

**_There is nothing wrong here, when it’s good – it makes the harder times worth it._ **

_Something else…_ Someone _else._

**_No, there is no one else. There never will be; there never_ ** **could _be!_**

_Then what was all that protective behaviour today?_

**_That was nothing. You look out for your friends._ **

_You’re not supposed to be friends with Liam!_

**_Well he’s persistent… And shouldn’t I be? For Harry, and Lou? For Niall and Josh?_ **

_Yeah, you try use that excuse when your mind wanders, when you start getting tardy, when you skip dates. Think of what you’ll lose – but maybe it’s worth losing._

**_No! I would break. I won’t lose anything. Liam can keep trying, I won’t let him get near enough to me to take this away._ **

I resolved my internal argument as I pulled up outside the familiar house. Even across the street I could hear music slipping through the open windows, and laughter. I let out a sigh of relief at the happy sounds coming from within, maybe this time wouldn’t be so bad, maybe not turning up yesterday would be forgiven. I hoped for the mood inside to be as happy as it sounded. I knocked on the door full anticipation again, and when it swung open I was met with a sight for sore eyes – a smiling one. Then the look on the familiar face sunk in, and I understood why the mood was so happy, it was a drunk one. A too-well-known feeling of dread settled over me again.

**_Not again…_ **

****

****


	11. ~Eleven: He’s covered in bruises

**[Harry]**

I couldn’t keep the smile off my face the next morning as I walked into school. I didn’t do my usual routine, I didn’t strut past the girls sending them flirt winks, I walked right past the giggling groups and up to the locker of the beautiful boy I’d promised to meet. I turned a corner and felt my stomach twist horribly at the sight before me, it was just like yesterday – Dean had Louis pinned up against the lockers, but this time no one was around to see it, he has covered Louis’ mouth to quite any of his shouts.

“No one’s here to protect you this time, hey fag? I’m getting really sick of letting you get away.”

“Lay another finger on him, I dare you.” I sneered, approaching him dangerously slowly.

Both heads snapped towards me. Louis looked conflicted, like he was unsure whether to be relieved or nervous, but Dean just wore a dark smirk and pushed Louis harder against the locker. Anger was boiling up inside me, and this time Zayn wasn’t there to catch my fist. No one got to touch Louis, no one got to hurt him – he was mine.

“I’m going to warn you one more time Dean,” I practically spat, “Get your hands off him,”

“He’s a faggot. He deserves what he’s about to get.”

Louis frightened eyes widened further flicking between me and the boy pushing him against the lockers. The spark of fear was making me bend slowly, getting closer and closer to snapping completely. As I looked at Dean I thought about how many times he’d hurt the precious boy – how badly he’d scarred my whole world.

“And you’re a bastard and deserve exactly what you’re about to get,” I closed the distance between us and slammed my fist into his face.

He instantly released his grip on Louis who slumped against the lockers, rubbing his chest.

“FUCK STYLES MY NOSE,” Dean stumbled grabbing at his face, red liquid slipping between his fingers.

“Like I said, you deserve it,” I spat at him, “Stay away from Louis.”

Dean looked from me to the blood on his hand, swore angrily and stomped off out of the corridor. I glared after him and turned back to Louis who was watching me nervously.

“I’m sorry you had to see that…” I told him, feeling ashamed slightly that I had to resort to violence.

Louis shook his head and shrugged. “I’d rather let you hit him than he hit me… Just as long as it doesn’t get _you_ hurt,” he said seriously.

I smirked a little and ran a finger over my knuckles, “It hurt a little… Kiss it better for me?”

Louis looked around the empty hallway then took my hand in his and raised my knuckle to his lips, pressing them lightly against the skin. A shiver ran up my arm at the touch, but I wasn’t thinking about that.

“Louis? Why did you look around?” Was he ashamed of me?

Louis bit his lip, “I don’t want you to get hurt because of us, because of me.”

Before I could object the bell rang and we had to go to Psychology – class wasn’t the place for this conversation.

 

 

**[Liam]**

I don’t know why I was nervous, actually, that’s a lie. I knew exactly why I was nervous, because the same thought was running through my head – not even a thought, just a name and an image. Zayn. The image of his face, the echo of his words from yesterday. Every time I replayed them something stirred inside of me. I had no idea what to expect today, but I had the first four periods as well as last period with him. The idea of seeing him and being met with a cold glare made my heart sink, the idea of seeing him and being greeted with his usual nod, and his terribly hidden smile though warmed my heart. My car was parked in the school lot, my hands gripping tightly onto the wheel turning my knuckles white. I heard the dulled distant bell of the school and slammed my head onto the steering wheel with a groan. I didn’t think I could take much more of his rejection. It was eating away at me every night, the first thing I thought of when I opened my eyes. There was a constant nagging at the back of my mind that wondered why it was me, what had I done? Why was I the one he had deemed as not good enough? He didn’t seem to push everyone away – sure, he never let anyone deserve it? I was late to Phys Ed the time I reached the gym and changed. Our teacher gave me a disapproving look so I sent an apologetic smile, but my focus was trained elsewhere – on the boy with a quiff sitting in the bleachers. Usually he sat on one of the benches that lined the brick walls of the gym, so why was he up there today?

“Oi! Li!” An Irish accent ushered me over to his team.

“What are we playing?” I asked, jogging over.

“Indoor footy,” Niall grinned, “They’re setting up the goals,” he pointed to two other guys from the class setting up makeshift football goals on either end of the court.

“Why aren’t we going out to the field?” I asked, confused.

Niall shrugged, “They had a vote.”

I preferred playing outside than inside, but I guessed I’d still have fun so it didn’t really make much difference. I noticed the glow that surrounded Niall, it had been there since he and Josh got together and hadn’t looked like fading even once. I smiled a little to myself.

_I wish I could make Zayn feel like that._

I didn’t even catch myself thinking it. It kind of just run through my head unnoticed until about twenty minutes later. I stopped chasing after the ball as it was passed between sets of feet and spun around to look at Zayn up in the bleachers, only to find his eyes trained directly on me. My heart doubled in speed as our eyes locked, but he was too far away for me to see him properly, I just felt the connection. Something sparked up inside me and I began feeling self-conscious. My hand flew to my hair and ran through it nervously as I walked off the court and into the change rooms. Walking into the bathroom area I leant against a hand basin and gave my reflection a long hard stare. I was slightly flushed, but I used the sport as an excuse for that, not my new realisation. I stared at my brown eyes in the mirror and read the emotions there clearly, confusion, nerves, fear, but at the same time, a happiness, a little bit of affection…

I quickly splashed some water over my face as it all fell into place. Why exactly I wanted to know what was going on, where he disappeared to, what he was so nervous about.

I have feelings for Zayn Malik.

I feel like another of those girls, one of the ones he captured with his beautiful smile, the eyes that were almost always hidden by his shades, the addictive sound of his voice. I bit my lip thinking about it. Did I have any chance with him? He didn’t have any issues with Josh and Niall, hell, he even helped push Louis and Harry together. That didn’t mean anything though, just because he had no problem with homosexuality, or with same sex relationships, didn’t mean he would ever be in one himself. Especially not me. Not with the boy he refused to stand close to for too long.

“Payne?”

My head snapped up. Zayn.

“I… Yeah?” I called back.

He walked in slowly and leant against one of the tiled walls. “They sent me in to look for you. You just disappeared for fifteen minutes…”

“Oh…”

There was a pause where Zayn looked me up and down and bit his lip, making me ache for him.

“Are you alright?” He asked me with a little frown.

I stared at him in shock, after yesterday’s little performance was he really asking me that question? Implying that he cared if I was or wasn’t? the thought that he did, that maybe he could made my heart beat a little harder in my chest.

“Do you care?” I asked , trying not to let my emotions show.

Zayn straightened up and shrugged, “Next time I won’t ask then.” He sounded somewhat defensive.

“No.” I said, gripping the basin firmly and focusing on my reflection rather than him, “I’m far from okay,” I admitted.

I didn’t even realise how mess up I felt until I admitted it. Here was this guy I’d met two weeks ago who had me chasing after him, trying to learn him inside out and he couldn’t give two shits about me or about how much I cared? And he was a guy – as if that wasn’t new enough. Here he was, standing behind me, looking at me blankly, not really caring that inside I was a mess of emotions, of confusion. I wanted more than anything to know him, to understand. I wanted to know his deep dark secret. The one I could see in his eyes, the one that tore him apart. I wanted him to stop disappearing all the time, for him to sit with me after school and talk rather than run off to some unknown place, maybe even to some unknown person! I didn’t want any of it to be this way. I couldn’t help the feelings I had, especially not now I’d acknowledged them, but what was I supposed to do?

Zayn stood behind my shoulder and watched me watch my reflection.

“What is it?” he asked gently, it was almost enough to break me.

“I don’t understand…” I muttered, looking down and shaking my head.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and fought to suppress a shudder at his touch, “Talk to me,” he said, even more gently than before.

I shook his hand off and spun around, surprised at the proximity. I trained my eyes on his to keep from looking at his lips – which he would surely notice with this closeness. I felt my breath hitch and swore internally, praying he hadn’t noticed.

“Like you talk to me? Why would I tell you what’s wrong when you can’t even say my name?” I shoved him away from me and quickly walked out of the change rooms. I didn’t want to resume the game so I walked to the bleachers and made my way up the stairs to the back row and went to sit in the corner. We only had another twenty minutes of class, but I felt like it was going to last longer than that.

Zayn didn’t come out of the change rooms until the bell rung, and he just left without talking to anybody.

 

 

**[Zayn]**

I knew something was wrong, his hands were white, his face paler than usual. He looked scared.

“Are you alright?” I asked.

Liam looked genuinely shocked at my question, “Do you care?” there ws a slight strain on his voice; he was hiding something.

I did care, a lot more than I should – but I wasn’t about to tell him that. “Next time I won’t ask then.”

“No, I’m far from okay,” he answered my question.

I already knew that, but hearing him say it brought back the concern I’d felt yesterday and I was almost overwhelmed by the desire to protect him.

“What is it?”

“I don’t understand…” he suddenly sounded broken.

I stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder, hoping it would be a slight comfort to him.

 “Talk to me.”

I wanted him to tell me what was wrong, I wanted to help – I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing him hurt. Maybe it was Danielle, did they break up? Because I could probably deal with that…

_Hey!_

**_What? I just don’t like her._ **

_Yeah, that was definitely about her._

**_It had nothing to do with him…_ **

_Keep telling yourself that – and everyone actually!_

**_Stop thinking about it._ **

He spun around to shake off my hand and suddenly we were face to face, he was so close, all it would take to break me would be the tiniest glance from him in the right direction and I would give in. But Liam’s gaze remained locked with mine.

“Like you talk to me?” He demanded. “Why would I tell you what’s wrong when you can’t even say my name?”

With that he pushed past me and left the change rooms. When he was gone I grabbed my temples and fell down onto the cold floor.

_This can’t be happening_

**_It’s not, it’s not, it’s not._ **

I stayed hidden from him, breaking apart a little. I really was pushing him away, I never truly wanted that, but it felt like I had no other option, now that it was finally working I just wanted to take every moment back and hold him. Tell him I was sorry. There was just one thing in the way… One person… One thing. Something I couldn’t let go of.

 

 

**[Liam]**

Zayn wasn’t in our next two classes. I didn’t pay attention, I put my head on the table in each class and tried to block everything out, including thoughts of the tall dark boy who was constantly invading my mind. I walked into the lunch room to see Harry standing on a table, shouting for everyone’s attention. Louis was standing near the table looking up at the boy with a face of complete confusion.

“OI!” Harry shouted.

Almost everyone stopped and slowly focused on him. When Harry was satisfied he reached down and grabbed Louis’ arm, pulling him over. Louis obediently climbed up onto the table and stood beside the curly haired boy.

“Harry, what on earth ar-” he began.

Louis was cut off as Harry quickly slid his arms around his waist and tugged him closer. In an instant Harry had connected their lips and Louis was responding enthusiastically. Around me there was gasps of shocks, exclamations of ‘I knew it’ and loud ‘Aww’s’ from girls. I laughed to myself and made my way over to them as they separated and climbed off the table.

“Don’t you dare think for a second I would let anyone come between this. I’m not keeping us a secret, I can’t. I want everyone to know you’re mine. I’m proud of this, of us.” Harry was saying as I approached.

I bit my lip and decided not to interrupt. Seeing them together was making me think of Zayn. Did he know? I hadn’t seen him since this morning… Surely Harry would have mentioned it to him though.

“We can go on double dates!” I heard Niall cry as he and Josh joined the newly announced couple.

 _Why can’t that be me and Zayn?_ I sighed and left the cafeteria heading to the bathroom. _Because he has some weird vendetta against me, that’s why._

I pushed the door open and stopped in my tracks I felt like someone had slapped me with what I saw. Immediately my mind went into over drive. Zayn’s jacket lay on the bench and he stood in front of the mirrors holding up his shirt, inspecting the damage.

He dropped his shirt when I entered and grabbed his jacket, hastily shrugging it on. He wasn’t quick enough though. I’d already seen. Blackish-purple bruises were all over his sides, a nasty yellow one was swollen over his ribs, and his arms were just as bad, but they had more than bruises, there were cuts, some nasty ones – as well as multiple scars.

Zayn tried to walk out past me but I grabbed into his arm, causing him to wince. Immediately I let go, not wanting to make his injuries worse. But when I let go he walked straight out the door.

I stared dumbly after him trying to wrap my head around what I’d seen.

Someone was hurting him.


	12. ~Twelve: Closer than intended

I didn’t see Zayn again at school and the weekend came quickly. I don’t think I was really paying attention to the things going on around me. I had four friends being coupley which was making me a little depressed, and Danielle was hanging off me all the time which made me feel a little disgusted actually. She just went ahead and claimed me – I really had no say in the matter, and maybe I might have liked her if she wasn’t so pushy. She just wanted someone, she didn’t want _me._ I knew that because she was always looking at people look at her, waiting for reactions when they found out she was ‘taken’ even though I’d gladly hand her over to one of her gawking admirers.

“What are you doing this weekend?” she asked, climbing into the car Friday afternoon.

I shrugged, “Dunno, got a bit of homework, kind of too tired to do much but sleep,”

“Oh, so you don’t want to take me out anywhere?” She asked.

_No. Not even a little bit. Maybe if you were a mysterious guy I haven’t seen in far too long… But you’re not._

“Did you want me to?”

“Well, not if you don’t want to. Y’know, I don’t feel very appreciated by you,” she muttered harshly.

I couldn’t help it, I scoffed and started to laugh.

“Really? You can’t keep your eyes off the guys you out, you hang off me when people are around and only want to be seen with me in crowds. Please, I know you’re using me.”

“Then why are you still in this relationship?” Danielle smirked, thinking I wasn’t going to back out.

I pulled up in front of her house, “It was never a relationship Danielle, I’m not interested, and don’t go around calling me your boyfriend anymore. I don’t want, need or like that title. Find another toy. Have a good weekend Danielle,”

I reached past her and pushed open her door, waving her out of my car. If looks could kill, I’d be dead after the glare she sent me as she got out, but I wasn’t all that bothered by it, I had other things in my mind, namely – Zayn.

I didn’t feel like going home, so I drove around the town a little until I found the lake again. I’d only driven past once or twice, but this time I got out and took the time to look. There was a playground nearby, and a dirt track that went around one side. Aimlessly, I started walking around the track, hands shoved in my pockets. I didn’t have all that much to think about other than Zayn, but that one thing in itself was more than enough to keep me preoccupied. His smile, his eyes… the bruises. That’s where my mind stopped. The ugly black marks that covered his perfect dark olive skin. The image of them in my head had me clenching my fists, I wanted more than ever to protect him, to look after him. He couldn’t possibly deserve that, and there was no way he was clumsy enough for all those scars to be accidents. No, someone was doing this to him. Whoever it was, was going to pay. I followed the track around the lake, until trees covered both sides. There was a pier up ahead and I planned on walking down it, sitting near the water for a bit. I still didn’t want to go home. I felt sick thinking that someone could hurt that beautiful boy the way they were. Why did he let them, did he have a choice? My footing moved from gravel to wooden boards and I glanced up to see where I was going, freezing in my tracks. He had his back to me but I recognised him instantly. Something was different though, his usual tall posture; the way he walked with his head held high – it was gone. His shoulders were slumped and he was leaning against one of the wooden posts on the pier, He was singing quietly to himself. I don’t know why I didn’t let him know I was there, but I listened to the sound of him singing for a while.

_“Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_ _, but that's alright because I like the way it hurts, just gonna stand there and hear me cry, but that's alright because I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie…”_

“interesting song choice,” I announced my presence.

Zayn whipped his head around, but I wasn’t met by his usual harsh glare or cold face, the moment his eyes landed on me he looked scared, and even winced away slightly.

I twisted my hands together nervously, I didn’t quite know what to say to him. “What are you doing here?” I asked, stepping forward slowly until I was standing beside where he sat.

There was a long pause where Zayn stared at his reflection on the rippling lake surface. “This is where I come to think…” he finally said.

I sat down beside him, “Oh?”

“Nobody really comes out on this thing anymore,” he knocked on the wood, “No one follows me… No one looks for me… It’s peaceful here…”

I still didn’t know how to respond, I didn’t know what to say to him now that I knew. What could I do to help him?

“You think differently of me now, don’t you?” He said suddenly, he shifted his eyes to me and waited expectantly for my answer.

I shook my head, “I just don’t understand… that’s all.”

“And that’s making you think differently.”

“No. I still want to know you just as much as ever. I want to help you Zayn.” I moved to place my hand on his shoulder but he flinched away, so I clenched my fist in mid-air and dropped my hand back onto my knee.

“I don’t need your help.” He told me firmly.

It didn’t matter how confident he looked as he said it, I heard a hint of doubt in his words, like he was pushing himself to not need help.

“What did I do to make you act like this?” I asked randomly, it wasn’t the matter hand, but I had to know – and he was more likely to answer that than questions about his bruises.

Zayn shrugged.

“That’s not a good enough answer,”

“Look, it’s not you, okay?”

“What then, It’s you?” I scoffed, feeling rejected.

“Exactly. You saw… I told you someone would get hurt…”

I let his words sink in as my eyes widened. Was he trying to say that this was because of me? How was that even possible? Why would someone…

“Zayn…”

“That came out wrong…” He muttered. “Please, just don’t ask me about it. Everything’s going to be fine, I swear. You don’t need to worry, just stay out of it.”

“I don’t care if I need to or not, I _will_ worry, and I won’t just drop this. But if you’re not ready to talk to me about it, that’s fine. I’ll wait.”

Zayn sighed, “You’ll be waiting forever.”

“I think I can handle that.” I told him honestly. I knew I would be willing to wait that to long for him. I’d wait right up until someone killed me.

Zayn shot me a sceptical look then returned his gaze back to the water. I didn’t want to leave him. He was talking to me, even if he wouldn’t tell me exactly what was going on with him. I could use this to find out more about him. I thought over my time knowing him, searching for what I wanted to know.

“I have another question then,” I told him.

“I might not answer.” He warned.

“But you might.”

“What’s the question, Payne?”

He still hadn’t called me Liam, at least not to my face or that I could recall.

“Niall, why are you two always together? I mean he doesn’t seem like the kind of person you’d hang out with… But you do.”

“I know I do.” Zayn rolled his eyes at me.

I waited for him to continue, he didn’t look like he was going to. Zayn shot me a sideways glance and ran a hand through his hair carefully.

“He’s my brother.”

“But…he’s Irish.” _Great Liam, real smooth, not stupid at all._

“Oh, I didn’t notice.” Zayn rolled his eyes again, but he smiled a little, making my heart skip a beat. “His mum took me in when my parents died.”

I gasped slightly, I had no idea that his parents were dead, “Oh… I-I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

“I know you didn’t know, I never told you. It’s not exactly something everyone knows. Some people do, but no one talks about it. It happened so long ago.” Zayn spoke sadly.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why? You weren’t the drunk driver.” Zayn said matter-of-factly

“How old were you?”

“Six.”

I felt a heavy weight in my chest for him. “Do you miss them?”

Zayn nodded slowly, “Everyday, they were my parents… I was a little kid, they were my idols and then they were gone… Niall was my best friend, and our mothers were close… So I ended up with them after the crash. Things are okay now though. I have a brother, a best friend. I’m alright.”

I stayed quiet for a moment, wanting to hold him knowing I couldn’t.

“Thank you,” I finally murmured.

Zayn looked over at me, “For what?”

“For sharing that with me…”

“I… Well… You asked… So…” he stuttered, sounding awkward.

“Well you didn’t have to tell me… So thank you for confining me.”

 

 

**[Zayn]**

I don’t know why I told him. I’d never had to explain it to anyone before. Harry had been told by Niall, and no one else was ever in a position to actually sit down and ask, anyone who knew that I had turned into an orphan at the age of six had figured it out through everyone else or had been around when my parents died – either them or their parents at least. He didn’t even mean to ask though, he was just wondering about Niall, which was fair enough. People always whispered about that, it didn’t surprise me that he’d also found it odd. I’d been the one to elaborate. I could have just said I’ve lived with them since I was little and left it at that, I could have said we were childhood friends; that our families were close, that we grew up next door to each other – anything. I could have told any of a million lies, or half-truths to him, yet I blurted out the truth of it, when I finished, I’d begun regretting it, what if he hadn’t wanted that weight on his shoulders? I had no right to go and say those things. I didn’t want or need any more pity from him. But part of me wanted him to know, wanted him to understand everything – almost everything. Then he thanked me for it, he actually thanked me…

We sat there in silence and I didn’t know what to do. He’d seen how injured I was, now I was sure he would notice my little flinches, sure he would see when I backed away from fists. Would he understand why I had such an issue with violence now?

“What are you going to do this weekend?” Liam asked, breaking the close to awkward silence between us.

“I’m going out of town.”

I couldn’t tell him more than that. I couldn’t say where I was going. I’d already given too much away, and if he put the pieces together, well, I had no idea what would happen, but I didn’t expect it would be pretty.

“To the same place you run off to every afternoon?” the question was innocent, simple – proving he hadn’t put the pieces together yet.

_Good. Right?_

**_Yes, brilliant._ **

_But why exactly?_

**_I can’t let him take it away._ **

_Why would he take away something you need so desperately. He obviously cares._

**_Because he cares, that’s why._ **

_And does this tell you anything?_

_And what is it?_

**_That I’m completely fucked up and Liam deserves better than the mess I am._ **

“Just out of town.  I need to leave now.” I began standing up.

“Wait, let me walk with you?” Liam caught up with me as I began walking away.

I couldn’t really stop him from walking at the same pace as me so I nodded and watched where my feet were going.

“So, what’s so exciting that you’re willing to drive all the way to wherever for?”

I began thinking about what was waiting for me and felt the familiar confliction begin twisting around my heart. The happiness and excitement, the adrenaline and anticipation, but also the fear, the nerves, the desperation. It was a lot to wrap my hands around, and I don’t really know how I did it.

“Just… something…” I smiled to myself.

Liam looked at me nervously as we reached our cars.

“See you Monday, Payne,” I smiled a little at him then slid behind the wheel and drove away, nervously wondering what to expect.

 

 

**[Niall]**

“She took that well,” Josh observed after mum left the house.

“I think she was expecting it.” I shrugged, nuzzling closer into him and using the remote to flick through the TV channels.

My phone began irritatingly vibrating in my pocket, grumbling to myself I pulled it out and hit the answer button without reading the caller ID.

“What? You’re interrupting a moment,” I snapped down the line.

There were only a few people who would be calling me now. Liam’s laughed nervously through the phone.

“Ahh, Payne, so good to hear from you – Now make it snappy.”

“I just… I need to ask you something Niall,”

“Why do you sound like someone died?” I asked, hearing the fear and dread in his voice.

Josh must have heard my voice trembling because he tightened his arms around me and frowned in concern.

“It’s about Zayn, I need to know something.”

“Then spit it out Liam, what about Zayn?” my voice was growing panicky.

I heard Liam take a shuddering breath over the line, “Why is he covered in bruises and scars?”

I looked blankly ahead for a moment, comprehending the words Liam had spoken.

“He’s not.”

“Well, I saw differently Niall, do you know, or not?”

“I… No… I have to go…”

I hung up the phone, frowning down at the mobile in my hands. What did Liam mean? When he had seen cuts and bruises on Zayn? I shared a house with him, we talked about things, surely I would have noticed…

“Nialler? Is everything okay?”

I shook my head slowly, looking up at him with scared eyes to be met with deep concern running through his.

“I don’t think so,” I told him.

 

 

 


	13. ~Thirteen: A confrontation from a brother

**[Harry]**

Louis took a hold of my hand and tugged me up to the front door, an enormous grin on his face. I just smiled in return every time he turned his beautiful face towards me, how could I not? His smile was infectious.

“Mum! Harry’s staying over!” Louis cried out into the house as he opened the door.

Jay came out of the kitchen where she’d been cooking dinner for the girls and crossed her arms, raising her eyebrows at the boys.

“Uhh, if that’s okay I mean,” I smiled nervously, scratching the back of my head.

Jay shrugged and her incredulous look turned into a smirk, “Sure, but I only made enough food for the girls, so you boys will have to feed yourselves, maybe you could go out…?” she suggested before strutting back into the kitchen.

Louis let out an embarrassed groan and tugged me towards the stairs and up to his room. Jay already knew about us – thanks to a loud mouthed Lottie who walked in without knocking while Louis and I were lip-locking. She’d run from the room shouting that we were together and Jay had come in moments later to hug us and tell us how perfect we were for each other. The approval had been heart-warming, but it had still been embarrassing.

“Well, what do you want to eat then? Wanna go out, or not?” Louis asked, flopping down onto his bed and dropping his school bag beside it.

“I could cook for you?” I offered, biting my lip a little.

Louis raised his eyebrows, “You cook?”

“Yeah, I thought you knew that about me…?”

“I assumed you were kidding,” Louis shrugged nonchalantly, but I saw a little glimmer in his eye.

Reaching forward I tugged a pillow out from beneath his head and threw it at him; he caught it before it collided with his face and clutched it to his chest, hugging it. I suddenly wished I was in the position of that pillow.

“Maybe I just want to poison you! I mean, look what you’ve done to me!” I smirked, crossing my arms.

Louis eyes trailed up and down my body, I felt goosebumps rise over my skin while I was under his gaze.

“I don’t see anything wrong,”

I chuckled a little and sat on the bed beside him, “You might just have ruined everything Tomlinson, my life feels a little bit too good to be true now,”

Louis reached out, grabbing a fistful of my shirt and pulled me down. One of his hands slid around to the back of my neck pulling my face closer to his, our lips lightly brushed each other’s before he pushed forward, slamming them together and closing all distances between us by pulling me on top of him. I smiled against his lips, feeling giddy – loved it when he took control.

A girl screech came from the doorway and Fiz shouted, “THEY’RE AT IT AGAIN!”

“EVACUATE!” Lottie shouted.

There was the sound of pattering footsteps from everywhere in the house than a of laughter and a slamming door.

“I’m taking the girls to a movie, we won’t be back for a few hours!” Jay shouted up the stairs before we heard a repeat of the opening and closing front door.

“So Tommo, I got you all myself, all alone in this big house. Oh, the things we could do,” I wiggled my eyebrows looking down at him.

Louis suddenly looked nervous, “Hazza, don’t hate me but-“

I cut him off with my lips, already anticipating what he was going to say. I pulled away from the chaste kiss and took his hand, pulling him up and off the bed with me.

“Slow is good, Boo. Now, I actually want to cook dinner for my boyfriend.” I shot him my best smile and began leading him downstairs.

“Thanks Haz,” He murmured quietly behind me.

I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, I was here because I wanted to be with him, not just have him, I was here because I cared, because I had felt myself falling in love – and then I expected to crash on the canyon floor, he had caught me. I could wait forever for him.

 

 

Late Saturday afternoon I woke up on my couch, my arms tightly wound around the waist of a chestnut haired boy. I smiled down at his sleeping figure and felt a rush of love wash over me. Someone cleared their throat and I looked up away from his happy sleeping features to see a look of confusion on my mother’s face. I hadn’t expected her home until later.

“I…” I began quietly.

Mum shook her head smiling and walked out of the room before I could find a way to explain. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, the smile was encouraging though, so I decided to leave it rather than rush in. She wasn’t stupid, we were asleep on the couch holding onto each other for dear life.

There was a small beep in my pocket and I glanced down at Louis so see if it had woken him, but he continued sleeping soundly. Carefully, I shifted our position so I was lying flat on my back, using the arm rest as a pillow, and Louis lay beside me, half across my chest. One arm remained around him securely while the other moved to my pocket – my hand fishing for my phone.

The screen was still lit up from the incoming message.

 

**_Liam:_ **

_Can I ask you something?_

 

I frowned at the phone and used my one hand to tap back a reply.

You just did…

 

**_Liam:_ **

_Ha. Ha. Harry. I’m serious._

I rolled my eyes at his sarcastic response and quietly sighed to myself, something was bothering him.

 _So am I! what is it though?_ I replied.

It took a minute for Liam to text back, but when I opened the message I was shocked by the question.

 

**_Liam:_ **

_Do you know why Zayn hates me?_

I thought about Zayn’s behaviour towards Liam, sure he wasn’t welcoming him with open arms, but he didn’t hate him. I wasn’t sure if Zayn was capable of hate.

 _He doesn’t hate you!_ I tried to assure him with another message.

 

**_Liam:_ **

_Fine, do you know what I did to make him dislike me?_

 

I internally groaned, whatever Zayn was up to, had nothing to do with dislike. He would always smile absently at Liam, he always listened to what he had to say, he even talked about him when he wasn’t there. My eyes widened as I ran over Zayn’s behaviour. _He couldn’t… Could he…?_ I wasn’t sure, but it was looking like it from where I stood!

I tapped another reply to Liam, _He doesn’t dislike you either…_

**_Liam:_ **

_Are you blind Harry?_   
  


I groaned again, this time making Louis stir on my chest.

“Sorry baby,” I murmured, pressing my lips to his forehead.

 _Are you?_ I sent to Liam.

 

**_Liam:_ **

_What’s that supposed to mean?_

With a slow shake of my head I sent one more reply – knowing it wasn’t my place to tell. _Never mind Li, believe me, he doesn’t hate you – far from it. Just give him time, sometimes he had down periods._

 

 

**[Niall]**

Josh didn’t leave my place until Sunday afternoon. Josh knew something had been bothering me since the phone call I’d had with Liam, but he didn’t press it too much until around lunch. We were sitting on the couch feeding each other far too much junk food.

“Come on Ni, you’ve been acting out of it since that damn call! What did Liam say?”

He sounded annoyed but his eyes were soft with concern, I was a little overwhelmed with love for him in that moment, so I let the words pour from my mouth and explained what Liam had said.

“What does that mean…? I asked him, desperate for someone to explain.

Josh shook his head, rubbing comforting circles on my back, his other hand tightly clasping mine. I was trying to understand, I needed to. Was Zayn hurting himself? Doing something dangerous and putting himself at risk? Was he in some kind of trouble and this was the consequence? Was something hurting him? Who, why? What had he done, and how long had this been going on? What I wanted to know most was why he hadn’t come to me. Sometimes Zayn and I had our differences, he was distant, neither of us was good at communication that we cared about the other. We were just two brothers, like any other family, we felt underappreciated, we felt annoyed, but in the end we loved each other, right? And we were supposed to be able to rely on each other. So what had I done that made Zayn feel like he had to go through this alone, whatever it was.

“I need to understand” I spoke to myself, but Josh nodded, understandingly.

“I know baby, and when he comes back – You can talk to him, maybe if he know something’s up he won’t try and hide it.”

I nodded in agreement, but I didn’t really feel like it was true. Zayn always hid things, I didn’t even know where he was this weekend!

“Maybe I should go before he gets back…”

I clung to him instinctively, not wanting him to leave while I felt so scared and vulnerable.

“He won’t be back until dinner.” I panicked slightly.

“Hey, hey! Calm down, I’m still here, I’ll leave once he’s home…”

I nodded against his chest, resting my head there in silence. I listened to his heartbeat, smiling lightly to myself as he ran his fingers through my hair. I just wanted to enjoy the moment with him.

 

The door creaked open at nine-thirty, slowly and almost silently. I shot out of bed and ran into Zayn’s room to await his arrival. I heard him making his way up stairs and trying to keep quiet, but he sounded like he was stumbling around a little. I heard a thump against a wall and heavy breathing as he reached the top of the stairs. I waited, but nothing else came. Nerves built uo in me again, wherever he had come home from could have been the reason he was covered in bruises. I stood up slowly and made my way out of his room. Zayn was sitting on the top step leaning against the wall. His shoulders were slumped and shaking.

“Zayn?” I took a cautious step forward.

From my place behind him I could see him raise his arm and run his sleeve over his face and  I knew he was wiping away tears. He sucked in a shaky breath and struggled to his feet, trying to hide the wince in his features as he turned around to face me.

“Hey,” he smiled, wincing again.

My eyes bulged out of my head as I looked him over, the side of his face was swollen slightly, a purple mark formed on the side of his jaw. He was clearly supporting all his weight with one side of his body as he walked past me.

“What the hell happened to you?!” I whisper  shouted, trying not to wake up mum

Zayn shushed me with his hand and walked into his room, trying to close the door, but I stuck my foot in.

“Look, we’ll talk about this tomorrow.” Zayn sighed.

“No, we’ll bloody talk about it now!” I growled at him, didn’t he see how serious this was?! He was physically hurt! Anything could have been happening to him and I’d had no idea! “Who did this?”

“Me, it was my fault, okay Niall? Please, I just want to shower and go to sleep…” Zayn begged.

I shook my head, crossing my arms over my chest, “ No, I can’t believe I didn’t see this happening to you and Liam did! Do you know how awful that makes me feel? You don’t deserve this and I’ve sat by oblivious! Well not anymore Zayn! Just talk to me, let me help you!”

Zayn surprised me by stepping forward and wrapping his arms around me tightly. I hugged him back cautiously, trying to avoid anywhere I might hurt him.

“Don’t you dare start blaming yourself. You didn’t know because I kept it from you Niall. Liam shouldn’t have told you.”

I pushed away from him then, glaring harshly at the boy that was supposed to be my brother.

“He told me because he’s worried! Because he cares!” Something flashed through Zayn’s eyes at my words but I didn’t have enough time to catch it before he etched cold emotions into them, “I care! I can’t let this happen to you!”

“You’re not letting anything happen to me! Niall, listen to me, I need you to just stay out of it, I can handle it, this was my fault, I made a mistake – okay? I promise everything will be fine.”

“I don’t care what’s wrong as long as _you’re_ okay Zayn. I don’t want everything to be fine, I just need you to be.”

“I promise Nialler, I am. Okay?”

I didn’t believe him, but I could see he was exhausted and needed to sleep. There was no point in waking my mother up and getting her all worried about him, she’d just fuss and neither of us needed that.

“I’m not letting this go on,” I warned him before leaving the room.

 

 

**[Zayn]**

Niall walked out of the room and I felt my shoulders drop again as I grabbed some clothes and walked into the bathroom. He was worried, everything would be harder with Niall watching my every move, and Liam… God. Why did Liam have to go and tell him!? Why couldn’t he just keep it to himself!

_He cares about you. That’s why._

**_He doesn’t know me at all, you can’t care about someone you don’t know._ **

_That’s bullshit._

**_So is talking to yourself!_ **

_You’re thinking, bud!_

**_I’m such a bloody mess._ **

_Do you know why?_

_Then why don’t you change it._

**_I can’t. I’m not strong enough._ **

_But you’re not alone._

**_But I will be._ **

_No, you’ll have… You could have Liam…_

**_Liam’s not the same._ **

_No, he’s better._

**_I don’t know that. Besides, I can’t. And he could never love someone as broken as me._ **

_He seems to care a hell of a lot already._

**_He’ll be disgusted if he finds out._ **

_Do you really believe that?_

_Then why the hell don’t you get out._

**_I can’t._ **

_Do you want to?_

_Then get out._

**_I can’t._ **

_You don’t deserve this._

**_I know._ **

_Then get out_

**_I can’t. I’m stuck._ **


	14. ~Fourteen: Flashbacks

_Think about it. The first day you met Liam, those feelings, the ones you fought so hard to block out. Remember what happened that afternoon? When you though everything would be fine…?_

**_Yes…_ **

****

**_**flashbacks**_ **

_Every time I drove down the highway, it took forever. It was only an hour’s drive to the next town – to my destination, but the journey never passed quickly. Even when I was pushing the speed limit, the time dragged on and on like I was waiting for days to reach the place I neede to be. Not wanted to be, needed to be. It was so much more than want._

_My biggest secret, hidden away behind locked doors, or in this case town boarders and personally built walls that surround myself. No one knew where I went when I disappeared in the afternoons, no one ever asked. If I came back with a smile, and hadn’t been in any trouble, then it didn’t matter where I was. But I had to take precautions. I didn’t let people get close, the two closest people to me were Harry and Niall, and neither of them had a clue what was going on when they had their backs turned. I wasn’t ashamed, no, I could never be ashamed of this. But a part of me knew it was wrong, and that part of me was scared that it would be taken away if anyone found out – and I couldn’t live if it was taken away. I needed this, the way I needed air. It’s hard for people to understand, most people will swear they will never get themselves into a situation like my own, but you can’t really control it. I didn’t plan this, but then it happened, and when I realised, it was too late to get out, I couldn’t anymore, I was too addicted to it, too desperate for it._

_I felt the nerves build up as I grew closer and closer. I’d been crossing my fingers for the best outcome when I got in the car after school, but now all my previous thoughts about Liam, my worries from the day disappeared, and I knew that everything was going to be okay in no time._

_I should have been more worried, I should have been scared. But I couldn’t find that emotion amongst the mix I was feeling. I should have thought this through, come up with an excuse. I just didn’t think that far ahead. After what felt like twice as long as usual I drove into town and down the familiar residential streets, stopping outside a familiar brick house. It didn’t look very welcoming from the outside, but the prospect of what lay behind the doors and windows was more inviting than anything I could imagine._

_Heart pounding against my ribs, blood pumping quickly through my veins, the nerves had me shaking, but the excitement was bringing up goosebumps all over my skin. I bit my lip as I shut off the incognition and pushed the car door open. Shakily, I made my way up the overgrown front path and to the front door. My fist like it weighted a tonne, but I raised it and knocked on the old wooden door, waiting impatiently for a response._

_I was midway through shifting my weight from one foot to the other when the door swung open in front of me, and I was immediately taken over with a sickening feeling of dread as I saw him stand before me._

_His green eyes sparkled with a familiar look, he was angry about something. I was grateful when I realised I couldn’t smell alcohol or weed on him, but the angry glint in his eyes was enough to settle a feeling of fear in me. He left the door wide open and walked back into the house._

_“Babe, are you okay?” I asked, following him in and closing the door behind me. I followed him into the house and he fell down on the couch, glaring at the TV set that played nothing._

_“Fine.” He grumbled._

_He was lying to me. I walked over and sat beside him, a feeling of love and concern rising up in me and drowning out my nervous fear._

_“What happened baby?”_

_“I don’t want to talk about it.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side. I played with the buttons on his shirt and we sat there together for a while, I just let him think. I knew by now not to ask questions when he didn’t want to talk. “What’s it like in that education prison?”_

_I smiled to myself at the way he was taking an interest, it always made me happy when he remembered little things, like the fact that today was the first day back at school._

_I shrug, subtly pressing closer to him in the process. “Everything’s fine there.” I told him._

_Everything was, other than Liam. That was just confusing and aggravating._

_“Why do I feel like you’re lying to me?” He asked. A harsh tone now present in his voice._

_“I don’t know? I’m not. Why would I lie to you?” I just wasn’t sharing that tiny detail that I knew he wouldn’t be happy about._

_He was already in a bad mood, I didn’t want to make it worse, I knew how he could get._

_“Why don’t you tell me, since you’re the one doing the lying.”_

_“I’m not lying to you!” I defended myself._

_He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me roughly away from him, “What are you hiding!?”_

_“Baby, Jason, I swear, I’m no-”_

_“Don’t stop lying to me! Why do you think you can do that?! Just tell me!!”_

_I winced as he began to shout, he was now on his feet, glaring down at me. I cowered under Jason’s gaze, it was tearing my heart to shreds, physically hurting as he looked at me with such distaste in his eyes._

_“It’s nothing, there’s just this new kid, he’s bratty,” I mumble helplessly._

_“A new guy? Oh, a shiny new toy you thought you might play with?!”_

_“No!” I gasp, horrified at his assumption._

_Never in a million years would I cheat on him, I love him. I love him with everything I am, with everything I have._

_“What? I’m not good enough for you now?  Fuck you Malik! I could do better than you!”_

_He reached down and pulled me up off the couch by the collar of my shirt. “Jason…” I whimpered._

_He shoved me to the floor and I landed with a thump, a pain shot up through my arm from landing on my wrist._

_“S-stop,” I stuttered out as he began kicking my legs and ribs._

_“You think you can just forget about me for some new kid!?”_

_“No! I would never! I- Ahh!” I cried as he kicked my ribs again, “I-I love you…”I sobbed._

_Jason fell to his knees beside me and pulled me into his chest. “I though you didn’t…”_

_“You should know that I do! You’re my everything!” I clung to his shirt, burying my face in his chest._

_“Sorry baby, let me make it up to you,”_

_“I-“ but he was already dragging me to the bedroom._

****end flashback****

I got out of the shower, shivering not from the cold, but from the memory. I had known he wouldn’t be happy when he knew Liam was on my mind at all. That was why I had to cut him off. I had to make a choice, Jason – my boyfriend and the love of my life – or Liam – The new kid I didn’t even know – the choice had seemed so obvious, and I had tried to make it.

I looked at my naked body in the mirror; there were only two additions from this weekend, the bruise on my cheek, and the one on my thigh. Nothing bad, but I ached all over…

_What about when you couldn’t see him because you had to look after Harry?_

**_He didn’t mean it…_ **

_Didn’t he? Think about it…_

****flashback****

_I was scared. Usually the excitement would cancel out my nerves and my fear, but it was different this time. I should have been driving down this road yesterday, but I hadn’t. Instead I had been with my best friend, helping him make a decision that would change his life, keeping him from making the mistake of letting someone I can see him falling in love with slip away. Wasn’t that a good enough reason, wasn’t that a fair justification? I hoped so. I wanted it to be enough, because if it wasn’t, I knew I would be hurt._

_Of course you’ll be hurt. That’s how this always goes down, haven’t you figures that out by now?_

**_Not always, sometimes I…_ **

_Something you what? Only come away with a scratch?_

**_Sometimes nothing happens!_ **

_Bullshit. You know it._

**_There’s a reason I keep going back._ **

_Is it a good reason?_

**_Yes. How can I even consider reconsidering that!?_ **

_Because you know there’s something wrong here._

**_There is nothing wrong here, when it’s good – it makes the harder times worth it._ **

_Something else…_ Someone _else._

**_No, there is no one else. There never will be; there never_ ** **could _be!_**

_Then what was all that protective behaviour today?_

**_That was nothing. You look out for your friends._ **

_You’re not supposed to be friends with Liam!_

**_Well he’s persistent… And shouldn’t I be? For Harry, and Lou? For Niall and Josh?_ **

_Yeah, you try use that excuse when your mind wanders, when you start getting tardy, when you skip dates. Think of what you’ll lose – but maybe it’s worth losing._

**_No! I would break. I won’t lose anything. Liam can keep trying, I won’t let him get near enough to me to take this away._ **

_I resolved my internal argument as I pulled up outside the familiar house. Even across the street I could hear music slipping through the open windows, and laughter. I let out a sigh of relief at the happy sounds coming from within, maybe this time wouldn’t be so bad, maybe not turning up yesterday would be forgiven. I hoped for the mood inside to be as happy as it sounded. I knocked on the door full anticipation again, and when it swung open I was met with a sight for sore eyes – a smiling one. Then the look on the familiar face sunk in, and I understood why the mood was so happy, it was a drunk one. A too-well-known feeling of dread settled over me again._

**Not again…**

_“Decided to come crawling back, did you?”_

_“I never left, Jase, I love you, remember? You’re my one and only.” It usually worked to throw in the affection, it calmed him down, but he was drunk and I didn’t know what would work right now._

_“Boys!” Jason called over his shoulder, “Time to go!”_

_One by one his friends filed past us and left us alone. His hand enclosed around my wrist and he pulled me inside; slamming the door behind him._

_“Thought you’d just abandon me, hey? Harry needed you? Or did that new kid?! Something’s always on your mind, is it him?!” He screamed, pushing me up against the wall._

_I shook my head vigorously, “No, I’m just tired, school and family, I’m sorry, didn’t think you’d miss me for one day!”_

_He pulled up his knee and slammed it in to my stomach, making me double over. I felt him release his grip on me and I fell to the floor, gripping where he had kneed my side._

_“I always miss you,” He whispered beside my whimpering form._

_“I-I’m sorry,” I managed to look up to him, and when I did he caught my lips with his, pushing his body onto mine and causing us both to end up on the floor and gasping for breath._

_“I can’t-” I began, not feeling the moment was right._

_Jason glared down at me and got his feet, kicking me twice in my sides before walking away, leaving me on the floor and withering in pain._

****end flashback****

When I don’t give him what he wants, he gets angry. But I deserve it. I should be a better boyfriend, I should always be there, I shouldn’t let my mind wander. I should always be willing to please him – in whatever way. It was my fault if he hurt me. Mine. And maybe someone elese wouldn’t, but he was special. I loved him, and I couldn’t change that. I didn’t want him to. He was my everything. What was going to happen now that Liam and Niall knew something was going on? They wouldn’t understand, they’d try and keep me from him. But I would break without him, I would break if I was alone.

No matter how wrong it was, I would always forgive him, and love him. I need him.

 

 


	15. ~Fifteen: Into the arms of the enemy

I fell asleep thinking about him, his gorgeous face, the messy blonde hair, the sparkling green eyes, and the flawless smile. When I met him, he’d been so happy, so full if life, and then he slowly sunk. I missed what we were sometimes, other times what used to be resurfaced, he would smile, that glimmer would return, and we’d have the best time together. Most of the time when I needed him he was there, at least for a little while before I did something wrong – and then it was my own fault if he wasn’t.

I dragged myself out of bed on Monday morning, not knowing what to expect from Liam and Niall. The bruise on my face was clearly visible, and anyone else might have though I just got into a fight over the weekend, Harry would question it, but he’d buy any excuse I could throw at him. Niall and Liam might not be easy now that they know this isn’t the first time. With a groan I skipped a shower and just pulled on some clothes, loose jeans and a white V-neck to go under my jacket. I wanted t avoid Maura this morning, I felt bad that I hadn’t been here all weekend and now I was trying to slip out unnoticed, but I would feel worse if she saw my face and I had to lie to her about what happened. There was a note tapped to the fridge saying she had already left for work, so I let out a sigh of relief and began helping myself to some cereal as Niall walked in.

“Going to explain yet?” he greeted.

I groaned and flicked a spoon of cereal at him earning myself a punch to the arm. I tried not to wince as he came into contact with a tender spot but I must have failed because he gasped and ripped off my jacket.

“Niall!” I cried out, trying to hide the bruise.

“How long has this been happening!?” He shouted at me, examining the yellowish, slowly healing bruise.

“Niall, I swear, I can handle it, just don’t get involved!”

“Don’t you dare tell me what to do, you’re my brother I will bloody well get involved! Who the hell is doing this to you?!”

“No one! It’s my own fault, alright. I’m not in danger, just stop! Go get ready for school.”

“We’re going to talk about this.” Niall sated firmly, crossing his arms over his chest and looking down at me sternly.

I rolled my eyes up at the lad, “Later.”

“Later you’ll go running off again to whoever, or whatever is causing this! Why do you just disappear! Where do you go?!”

Without answering him I got up from my seat and walked out the door straight to the car. Niall wouldn’t dare bring it up at school, he wouldn’t want everyone getting involved, he’s too protective, and he wants everyone to be happy. What he doesn’t understand is that I am happy, he’ll never believe me, he’ll never understand. I would be worse off if he took this away from me. Why can’t people just mind their own business?

I didn’t worry about Niall getting to school, he could call Josh to pick him up, or he could walk – it wasn’t very far. I didn’t want to end up at school an hour early so I went to a café and got myself breakfast since Niall had so rudely interrupted mine.

 

 

**[Liam]**

When I woke up I didn’t know how to feel, it was Monday, and Monday meant school, and school meant Zayn. But I didn’t know if he’d turn up, and I didn’t know how he’d treat me after Friday afternoon, now that I knew about his parents, and we’d spoken like that, were we friends? Or would he go back to ignoring me and pretending everything was fine with him when it obviously wasn’t? I stumbled out of bed and made my way to the shower, hoping for the best. Maybe he would talk to me more now, maybe he would open up, and maybe he would let me save him. Or maybe not.

My heart stopped beating when I walked into my English class. There he was, sitting up in the back corner of the class, staring out the window. Danielle watched me from her seat expectantly, as if waiting for me, but that was over, I was tired of it and I’d made that clear to her. She glared at me as I walked right past and took the empty seat beside Zayn. It was only when I sat down that I notice the bruise on his face, just under his eye and across his cheek, like someone had punched him in the jaw.

“Oh my god! What happened?!” I reached out, gently touching his chin with two fingers and turning his face around to inspect it. “Does it hurt?” I asked gently.

Zyan lightly grabbed my wrist and removed my hand, “It’s nothing,” he muttered.

“Don’t lie to me,” I snapped.

He looked taken aback by my little outburst and… scared? I’d scared him? Zany shrunk back in his seat and turned away, but not before I saw it, a tear. Sitting in the corner of his eye as he fought to keep it from falling.

“Zayn,” I wanted to reach out again, but I wasn’t sure if I should, would he find it strange?

He bit his lip and gave his head a little shake, continuing to look out the window and away from me.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to snap, I just know something’s wrong and I want to help.”

“Well, don’t.”

“But I-“

“Why aren’t you sitting with Danielle?” he interrupted, trying to change the subject.

I let out a resigned sigh and dropped the matter for the time being. “I would say we broke up, but a creak up implies we were dating in the first place,”

Zayn turned back to me with a confused look on his face, but all I could focus onwas the purple bruise, I wanted to make it go away.

“Weren’t you?” He asked.

I laughed a little sourly and shook my head, “She just sort of claimed me. So I finally told her to get lost,”

I almost missed the tiny smile that formed on his lips, but I didn’t it was there. He just nodded a little and turned his attention to the front of the classroom. Zayn stayed quiet for the rest of the lesson, and when the bell rung, he hesitated by the desk, watching me with an unsure expression before leaving the room on his own. Admittedly it hurt when he walked away from me, but I kept my expression neutral, I couldn’t let him know that I was developing feelings for him, it would probably just push him further away, and I couldn’t afford that right now.

I fell into the seat beside Louis in maths and he gave me a knowing smirk, “What?” I asked, confused by the look in his eyes.

“Move it Payne,”

I looked up to find the source of the voice it was Harry, smiling at me playfully.

“No Styles go sit with Malik. Tomlinson’s reserved for me in Maths, I never get to spend time with my best friend because of you!” I crossed my arms and pouted.

Harry now wore the same knowing smirk that had been residing on Louis’ face moments ago.

“Let me help you relocate!” Harry smiled.

Louis grabbed my books off the table and jumped from his seat, Harry grabbed my wrists pulling me to my feet and spinning me around. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, pinning my arms to my side and picking me up.

“Harry! Put me down!” I struggled in his hold as he walked to the back of the room.

“No, this is what you get when you try and come between me and my boyfriend!” I could hear him smiling in his words.

Louis dropped my books beside Zayn and Harry dropped me into the chair. Zayn sat there watching the whole scene with raised eyebrows while other students around the classroom began giggling and snickering.

“Hi,” I grumbled to Zayn, pulling my books forward and letting my head drop onto them.

“Loosen up Li, they’re having a little bit fun,” Zayn laughed lightly beside me.

My head shot up and I grabbed at him, making his laugh die down as he watched me with a confused expression. He didn’t call me Payne! That was definitely a step in the right direction! My gapping mouth formed an enormous grin and he smiled unsurely back.

“What?” he questioned

I shook my head, still smiling like an idiot over something so insignificant to anyone else.

“Never mind,”

 

 

 

**[Zayn]**

My mind wandered in History, but that was nothing usual. I was thinking about Liam’s smile, how happy he looked, how happy it made me feel. It was infectious; I always wanted to smile back at him.

_Maybe you shouldn’t fight this._

**_Fight what?_ **

_These… Feelings._

**_I don’t. I love Jason._ **

_Are you sure it’s love? Maybe it was once, but what if it’s not anymore? What if you’re just telling yourself that because you’re scared of the truth?_

**_Which would be?_ **

_I shouldn’t need to tell you that…_

**_No… I love him, I do._ **

_You’re not there out of habitat? Out of fear he won’t let you leave? Out of fear that once you get out no one will love you? Liam could love you._

**_No, he couldn’t. when he finds out the truth he’ll turn his back on me. Besides, Liam’s straight._ **

_So was Harry once upon a time._

**_I love Jason._ **

 

 

I closed my locker and slammed my head against the cold metal, wanting nothing more than to disappear into the ground. Now was Niall and Liam’s chance to interrogate him about his weekend, about his bruises, about his cuts and his scars.

My head snapped up from the lockers when I heard shouting on the floor below.

“Hey! Stop, what the fu- Ahh!” The voice was familiar, I knew it, I did I just couldn’t…

“What the fuck! Get off him! Hey! Ah- Oh! Fuck!” The shout turned into a groan and my eyes widened as I recognised the second voice instantly.

I could never mistake that Irish accent, and the first voice fell into place, Josh. I bolted to the stairs and took them three at a time, jumping the last five and spinning into the crowded hallway. I could hear the thump of fists on flesh as I forced my way to the front of the crowd. Josh was on his knees, one of Dean’s lackies was holding his hands behind his back and he struggled weakly. I could see he was hurt, but I wasn’t sure how. His gaze was fixed on a blonde boy with a bloody nose on the ground, kick after kick being shot to his stomach.

“I swear to god Dean! This time you’ve crossed the bloody line!” I shouted from behind him.

Dean spun around a grinned. Niall’s eyes widened and I could hear him silently for me not to get involved.

“Really? What’s so special about little Irish boy and his faggot boyfriend!? Protecting a lot lately! Maybe you play on that team too!” he sneered, slowly approaching me.

I laughed darkly, “Beating a lot lately, maybe you hate that they can accept themselves and you can’t find your way out of the closet.” I spat.

He took a swing but I ducked, feeling his first brush the top of my hair.

“Little bit defensively, aren’t we?” I laughed, stepping around him.

I noticed Liam on the ground beside Niall, and Louis beside Josh. I don’t know where Dean’s buddy went, but he’d bailed.

“Coming from you, protecting the blonde little faggot.”

I lost it, “DON’T CALL HIM THAT! DON’T LABEL HIM BY WHO HE LOVES. IF YOU EVER LAY A FINGER ON MY BROTHER AGAIN I SWEAR I WILL BREAK EACH BONE IN BOTH YOUR HANDS!”

There were gasps from the crowd, a few ‘oohh’s and a few cheers.

“Zayn,” I heard Niall begin, knowing he was going to try and reason with me.

I was distracted though, Dean was laughing. _Laughing._

“What’s so funny?” I spat.

“Brother?! He’s not your brother! Your family is dead! You don’t have a family!” he was roaring with laughter now.

My fist collided with his jaw before I knew what I was doing, as he stumbled back I shoved him to the floor, falling to my knees beside him I grabbed the front of his shirt and swung my fist again before roughly dropping him back onto the ground, I got to my feet to aim a kick at his side when a strong arms wrapped around me and began dragging him away.

Harry kicked Dean as he walked past helping Niall to his feet.

I was pulled through the crowd and out of the building before I realised I was crying. Liam led me to a tree and sat at the base, pulling me down beside him. I buried my face to his shoulder, not even thinking about what was happening as I cried into his shirt, staining it with my tears. He held me tightly against his chest, whispering in my ear.

“He’s wrong okay? Don’t let him get to you, Niall’s your brother because you love each other, family isn’t about the people you share the same blood with.”

I nodded weakly, sniffing.

“Hey,” his fingers found my chin and he lifted it up so that I was looking into his eyes.

My heart started speeding up in my chest and I felt myself getting lost in the warm chocolate colour, noticing the weaving of gold here and there.

“Everything is going to be alright, I promise,” his hand was cupping my bruised cheek, causing a tingling sensation on the affected area, but it wasn’t painful.

I found myself leaning into the touch and squeezing my eyes shut. As I did he pulled me back against his chest and I felt him lean against the tree.

“You don’t have to go through anything alone anymore,” he murmured softly, running his fingers lightly through my hair.

_Liam could love you._

Liam was comforting and warm, but there was still a nagging in the back of my head, in the pits of my heart, for something else, for someone else. I pushed off his chest and got to my feet quickly.

“I need to go,” I told Liam, walking away.

I felt his soft hand wrap around my wrist and he pulled me back around so that I was facing him.

“Go where? Zayn, please, don’t go.” He looked weak, pleading with me to stay.

_He could love you._

“I just need to think, I need… I need to be somewhere.”

_You mean you need someone._

**_I need to be with Jason, he’ll make this better, he will._ **

_How do you know Liam can’t?_

“Zayn, I… Please, just stay with me. Don’t go and get yourself hurt again, please…”

He was holding unto one of my hands with both of his own, clutching it to his chest as he begged me to stay. I bit my lip at his words, telling me to not to get myself hurt. If I got hurt it would be my own fault. I would have it coming. But I wouldn’t, he never… Jason loved me back, I was upset, and he’d helped me. He’d be there.

“I won’t… I have to…”

“Zayn…”

“Please Liam…”

Slowly he released my hand a part of me broke, and aching built in my chest and I felt slightly abandoned, but I pushed the feelings down and turned my back to him, jogging over to my car.

 

 

 

I came to a stop and climbed quickly out of my car, hurrying up the walkway to the front door. I raised my fist frantically knocking on the wood. The hour I’d spent at the car had me working everything up in my head. I was hurting, everything had suddenly become complicated, this voice in my head wouldn’t shut up, my fuzzy feelings around Liam were growing, I was constantly missing Jason… Suddenly I as just ready to be a little kid again, to stop caring, to fall into my mother’s arms and cry, but my mother wasn’t here to hold me.

The door swung open and Jason’s smile faded at the sight of me. “What happened?” he asked urgently, immediately pulling me into his arms.

I broke and he led me to his room, pulling me onto his bed he hugged me to his chest. I told him everything that had been happening, how Dean was suddenly out to get every gay, how he’d screamed I had no family, how I’d been thinking about mum and dad a lot lately, how I missed him all the time, how I was slipping away from everyone.

“Baby, hey, don’t cry,” he whispered in my ear, pressing his lips to my temple.

I felt my heart flutter and tried to stop the flow of tears.

“I love you, everything will be okay, I’m always going to be here, you’re not alone,”

I flashed back to what Liam had said this afternoon, that I didn’t have to go through everything alone anymore, well I wasn’t, I had Jason.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	16. ~Sixteen: Missing

**[Liam]**

When Zayn turned his back and rushed away from me, I watched him go, I could feel the tears fighting their way forward from behind my eyes until they began sliding over my cheeks, leaving glistening warm trails behind them. He didn’t trust me. He wouldn’t let me help him. Instead he was running off to god knows where, and each time he came back hurt even more than before. He’d rather be running off and getting himself hurt than staying with me and letting me help him. I turned to the three and slammed my fists against the trunk, kicking the base of the tree at the same time. I bit my lip at the stabbing pains but ignored them after the initial shock. An ache was building in my chest and I felt my hope shattering. For a moment there, he had clung to me, buried his face in my neck, cried into my shirt. He let his desperate need for help surface, and I had been there for him, to take him into my arms and assure him that everything would be okay, yet it wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t good enough. Why not?! My fists rested against the tree trunk on neither side of my head as I pressed my forehead to the rough bark. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“Where did Zayn go?”

I turned around to face Niall, he’d gotten himself cleaned up, and the pain and fear that had been in his eyes earlier was now replaced with desperation.

“He ran off…”

“Where?!” Niall demanded the panic growing in his voice.

I shook my head clenching my fists – he was making me more stressed about the situation than I already was. I could tell we were on the same page, both terrified of what he migh come back looking like.

“He promised he’d be fine…” I mumbled, “I couldn’t force him to stay…”

“YES. YES YOU COULD HAVE. HE MIGHT GET HURT!!!” Niall was suddenly shouting in my face he shoved me back against the tree.

I kept my voice low, cold and calm, “You think I don’t know that? You think I wanted to let him go? Believe me Niall, you are _not_ the only one who cares about what happens to him. There’s no sense in pushing him away by making him angry when he’s already hurting. Trust me, whoever lays a finger on him is going to pay.”

Niall continued to glare at me for a moment or two before his features softened and nodded, turning his attention back to the school. Josh was now walking across to where we stood, Louis and Harry lagging a little way behind.

“Are you okay?” Josh whispered in Niall’s ear when he reached us, wrapping an arm around the blonde boy’s waist.

I looked away, immediately wishing I could do that to Zayn, but he wasn’t here, he didn’t want me treating him like that.

“I’ll be fine as soon as I know where Zayn is.” Niall grumbled back, crossing his arms and turning into the boy.

“You don’t know where he went?” Harry’s voice interrupted, but he didn’t sound concerned.

“Not a clue…” I admitted, though I wished it wasn’t true.

Harry shrugged his shoulders, “He’ll be okay, give him time too cool down. Zayn can look after himself,”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that…” Niall put in doubtfully, exchanging a look with me.

“Trust me Niall, I know him.” Harry sounded confident in his declaration.

I sighed and ran a hand messily through my hair, “I don’t think anyone knows him Harry.”

 

 

 

**[Niall]**

Josh stayed over that night, he sat with his legs crossed on my bed, watching me pace in circles around the room, constantly looking at the clock and checking my phone.

“You could try calling him again,” Josh suggested, watching with anxious eyes.

I shook my head, chewing my nails down. “I’ve called a million times, his phone is off or flat – it goes straight to his voice messages!”

“Well, sit down, you’re stressing yourself out more!” Josh demanded, opening his arms up for me.

I took one look at the small understanding smile he gave me and melted, dropping onto bed beside him I lay down with my head in his lap.

“Do you think someone’s hurting him?” I asked.

Josh was hesitant to answer, but he finally did, “Well, it’s got to be, he can’t be doing that to himself…”

“Why would he ever let anyone…?”

Josh sighed and began running his fingers through my hair, causing goosebumps to erupt all over my skin, “I don’t know baby… I wish I could tell you,”

I could hear in his voice that he wanted to give me the answers I was searching for, but I didn’t expect them from him, I knew there was no way he could tell me the inner workings of Zayn’s head.

Josh continued to distract me from my thoughts until I fell asleep in his arms.

I woke up to my ringtone. Reaching out I found my hand patting over Josh’s face as I looked for it. I smiled to myself sleepily as he handed me the phone and pulled me onto him, groaning and closing his eyes.

“Hello?” I answered without looking at the caller ID, I was too busy cuddling into my boyfriend.

“Did he come home?” Liam’s alert voice asked me.

I bolted up-right and looked around the room desperately, jumping to my feet.

“I didn’t hear him come in… I’ll check.” I frantically rushed from room to room in the house while Liam impatiently waited on the other end of the line.

“No, he’s not here, neither is his car.” I groaned and collapsed against a wall.

A moment later Josh slid down beside me, placing his arm around my shoulders.

“I’m going to call him again, I stopped at about two in the morning.” Liam sounded like he was talking rather than me.

I nodded, forgetting he couldn’t see me, but he hung up with a ‘bye’ all the same. I dropped the phone to the floor and buried my face in Josh’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry you got dragged into all of this,” I told him.

Josh surprised me by laughing and pulling me tighter against him. “It’s okay, I’d be a part of anything for you.”

I pulled away and looked up at him, listening to the pounding of my heart in my chest.

“I love you,” I told him, before I knew what I was saying.

“I- I love you, too.” He smiled, pressing his lips to my forehead and causing my heart to flutter while I momentarily forgot all my worries.

 

 

 

**[Harry]**

“You know, I think they’re hiding something!” I declared as I walked into a coffee shop with Louis on Tuesday morning.

“I know Haz, you told me about twenty times already,” Louis rolled his eyes.

“But you brush it of every time,” I grumbled, crossing my arms while he approached the front counter to order us something.

I heard Louis chuckling lightly to himself and couldn’t help but smile at the sound even though I’m supposed to be annoyed with him. I quickly turned away and found a small table to sit at, waiting for him to come and sit with me.

“So, what do you think they’re hiding?” he finally asked.

“I don’t know!” I flung up my arms in defeat. “But I feel like they were too worried you know? I mean they both know that Zayn can look after himself, he’s always looking after everyone else! I just feel like I’m not in the loop on this one.”

Louis gave me a knowing look and I suddenly became self-conscious under his gaze, it was like he was looking right through me, reading my emotions through my eyes and understanding everything he saw.

“That’s not what it really is at all, is it?” he asked, surprising me.

“I… What? Yes it is.” I didn’t know what he was talking about.

“You feel guilty that you weren’t as worried.” Louis stated, leaning back in his chair.

I bit the insides of my cheeks and looked away, I knew he was right, and he knew it too. I did feel guilty, but I didn’t know if that was reasonable or not, part of me felt guilty for feeling guilty because I felt like I was underestimating Zayn, and I was supposed to have complete faith in him.

“It’s been nagging at you all night, hasn’t it? I can tell you didn’t sleep.” Louis frowned across at me. “I think you’re right, they know something we don’t, but you feel guilty now because you feel like it’s something you should have noticed if they have, and that if Zayn ends up hurt you should have been more worried and done something to protect him.”

“You’re going to ace this presentation today,” I mumbled.

We had to present our Psychology … experiments? This week. Louis obviously already knew me better than the back of his hand, and I both loved it and a little nervous about it at the same time.

Louis shot me a grin, but then his face returned to its rare serious expression, “Just ask them about it today, I’m sure they’re not intentionally keeping anything from you, and I’m sure Zayn will be fine. Have you spoken to Niall this morning?”

I shook my head, I’d be putting off calling him because I was scared he would tell me that Zayn still hadn’t come home.

“Liam’s been texting me, he’s still freaking out…” Louis told me absently.

“I didn’t know they were so close…” I muttered, feeling a little bit unhappy about it.

“Oh, Hazza, do I detect a hint of jealousy?”

I just rolled my eyes at him

“It’s okay, I know that he’s your best friend, I understand that you don’t want to lose him,”

“Get out of my head Tomlinson,”

“Never Styles!”

“Boo?”

“Yeah Hazza?”

 _I love you,_ “Never mind… He’ll be okay, right?”

“Yeah, everything’s going to be fine Haz,”

 

 

**[Liam]**

When I hung up to Niall I paced around my room for far too long, tugging at my hair and trying to get a grip on the situation at hand. I should have kept him with me, I should have let him go. I didn’t want to, but I had been stupid and let him run off. What if he was hurt, what if he needed me? He needed me and I wasn’t willing to fight for him, what if that was what he wanted, was I supposed to argue and make him stay? What if he didn’t come back, what if this time the cause of all his bruises went that little bit too far? My heart was breaking at the thought, an ache built up throughout my body at the possibility that he was hurt, that it could be my fault at all.

I reached for my phone, dialling his number for the first time this morning, not willing to wait any longer. I was expecting it to go straight to voicemail like it had the night before. My heart stopped beating when I heard the echoing ringing after the dial tone. I sucked in a deep breath, holding oxygen in my lungs until the ringing stopped, and I heard movement on the other end of the line, knowing he’d answered.

“Hello?” A voice said; a tired one.

“Did I wake you?” I asked nervously, completely unsure of what to say now. I just wanted to hold him.

“You did actually,”

My breath hitched, that wasn’t Zayn’s voice. I hadn’t been able to hear at first because they had sounded so tired, but now there was a harsh tone and it was evidently someone else.

“Who is this? Where’s Zayn?” I asked, immediately becoming frantic. What had happened to him, what was some other guy doing answering Zayn’s phone?!

“This is his boyfriend, and he’s asleep. Now, who the fuck are you?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	17. ~Seventeen: Over thinking leads to unexpected answers

Just like that everything stopped, the world stopped moving, and my world began collapsing. Zayn had a boyfriend. Someone… Someone who wasn’t me. I thought he could never return my feelings because he was straight, but in honesty he could just never love me. There was something about me that just wasn’t good enough, something he was determined to push away. Why? What had I done?

“I… I’m his friend… I just wanted to make sure he was okay,” my voice came out weak and strained.

“Of course he’s bloody okay, he’s with me!” the man on the other end of the line spat.

“Sorry, goodbye.” I hung up quickly and threw my phone onto my bed, skinning onto the floor I pulled my knees up to my chest and sat there on the floor for a long time, I didn’t go to school, I couldn’t, everything was suddenly wrong, and everything was painful.

 

 

**[Zayn]**

**-** _Last Night-_

_Jason led me to the lounge room and pulled me down onto the couch, wrapping his arms protectively around me.  Without a word I let myself melt into him and grabbed the remote, flicking it onto a random channel that was playing kids cartoons before pulling out his phone and ordering us pizza. We sat there together laughing at the screen and eating pizza until four am. We both turned off our phones so that we couldn’t be interrupted by the outside world and got lost in our own little perfect bubble, just the two of us. Just like we used to be, back when everything was beginning to feel better, when I was healing in a way I thought I never could. A bit after four I let out a long loud yawn, earning a laugh from Jason._

_“Only four? That’s weak!”_

_“Shhh! I had a rough day, okay?”_

_“I know baby, I’m sorry! I love you even if you can’t pull all-nighters!” He smiled warmly at me and pressed his lips to my forehead, causing butterflies in my stomach._

_“Sorry,” I mumbled as he lifted me into his arms._

_“Don’t apologise, now we get to snuggle!” he laughed, walking to his room._

_I fell asleep in his arms, letting my body warmth flow through me. This was enough, these perfect moments where exactly what I held out for._

-Present Time-

Jason’s angry growl woke me up; I twisted around to look at him, wondering where the smile he’s worn last night disappeared to. He was glaring at something. I followed his gaze down to his hands and my eyes fell on my phone.

 

“W-what is it?” I asked shakily.

Jason snapped his head around to me; only just realising I was awake. “Who the fuck is ‘Leeyum`!?” he growled, tossing me my phone.

The screen was in the call log, right up the top was a call that had just been taken, beneath it, under the same name were sixty-four missed calls from the night before – the exact reason I had turned my phone off. Each of them was from Liam, whose name read ‘Leeyum’ in my address book.

“Just a kid from school,’ I knew I sounded too defensive.

_And here it comes…_

“Then why is he calling you so much?! Why is he so worried about where you were overnight? It’s none of his business!”

“You’re right, it’s not. He’s just nosey. It’s nothing, he’s nothing.” I lied.

I didn’t mean to lie, I wanted it to be true, and I didn’t want Liam to mean anything to me because it got in the way. I knew I loved Jason, and feeling any kind of pull towards Liam wasn’t okay. I felt I was betraying Jason, and I had no right to do that to him. At the same time though, when I said Liam meant nothing, I felt guilty. In the pit of my stomach I felt sick. It was so beyond untrue. Liam was… something, something I couldn’t understand. And that was a little bit scary.

“You liar.”

I flinched back at his words, they cut, but they were true. I just wished they weren’t. I didn’t know what to say, I couldn’t justify it, there was nothing I could say. I’d just hurt him, and I hated myself for that.

“He’s that new kid isn’t he?!” Jason shouted.

“Yes, but he’s no-”

“Fuck you!” Jason pushed me from the bed.

I fell to the side, smacking my shoulder on the corner of this bed side table as I fell to the floor, landing on my wrist a burning pain shot through my arm. Pulling myself up on my hands and knees I tried to get back to my feet, but a foot collided with my stomach and I fell back to the floor with Jason standing over me.

“After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me? _You cheat?!_ ”

“No! I could never! I only want you!” I insisted from the ground, pleading with him.

Jason sneered down at me, hurt and anger darkened his eyes, and something else, something that broke my heart; regret.

“Get out.” He spat.

“Jason!”

“Get the fuck out of my house! You’re worthless!”

Jason landed another kick in my stomach before storming from the room. I lay on his floor, clutching my stomach and whimpering in pain. I felt sick. I didn’t know what this meant, if this was the end, or just another fight. If he wanted me to get out and give him some space, or go for good. I couldn’t handle it if this was the end – but it couldn’t be! I hadn’t done anything wrong. Even if Liam did mean something to me, Jason meant more! I’d never touch Liam, not while I was with Jason. I didn’t wasn’t anyone else. I need him, more than anything. How can he not see that? Hadn’t I made it clear? I felt emptiness in my chest, slowly swelling and leaving me feeling fragile and breakable. Empty. I just felt empty. I wanted to disappear. Jason came back in, a beer bottle in hand. I glanced at the clock, 10:00am and he was already drinking – because of me. It was my fault. I watched silently and nervously as he approached me. He knelt down in front of me and grabbed the front of my shirt, roughly pulling me forward and slamming our lips together. Instantaneously my heart rate doubled, tripled… He pulled away and dragged me to my feet, pulling me out of his room. Soundlessly and confused, I let him lead me until we were at the front door. He swung it open and pushed me out.

“Come back when you end things with your fuck buddy.” He sneered before slamming the door in my face.

I stood there staring at the door, feeling my heart slowly begin to crack and crumble. Why did nothing go right anymore? Three weeks ago, everything had been fine, more than fine. Then along came Liam… That when everything began falling out of place… Was it his fault though? I didn’t think I could blame him, as much as I wanted to blame someone, as I drove home I knew the only one at fault was me, I just wasn’t good enough anymore. I was getting weak. It was all my fault.

 

 

 

 

**[Liam]**

I really didn’t want to go to school. I knew Zayn wouldn’t be there, and the other boys would be. Niall would be freaking out, and I knew if he asked if I’d heard from Zayn then I would tell him. I was still trying to wrap my head around it myself. Zayn had a boyfriend and none of us knew anything about. I didn’t know how to react to the information; it hurt, because someone else was good enough and I wasn’t. It was confusing because I hadn’t seen it coming, and I couldn’t comprehend why he would feel the need to keep such a thing from Niall and Harry – but it was evident that they didn’t know. So why not? Something wasn’t sitting right with me, but I couldn’t place my finger on it.

My mum and sister dragged me to my car in an attempt to get me to go to school, butinstead I drove to the lake, I found my feet taking me down the same path I had walked down on Friday afternoon until I was at the little dock I had found Zayn at. Maybe I was subconsciously hoping to find him there again, but of course I didn’t. There was a sinking feeling in my chest as I walked out to the empty place. I replayed the memory of hearing him singing to himself. The lyrics running through my own head.

_Just gonna stand there_ _and watch me burn, but it's alright because I like the way it hurts, just gonna stand there and hear me cry, but that's alright because I love the way you lie._

I found a sigh escaping my lips as I sat with my legs hanging over the edge of the wooden landing. Slouching over, I rested my chin in my hands and my elbows on my knees – tapping the water’s surface and watching the ripple absently. I didn’t understand. There was a nagging in my mind, something that kept drawing my thoughts back to Zayn and this ‘boyfriend’ of his. I knew there was still something I was missing, and Zayn sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to fill in the blanks.

More than anything I wanted to understand but I couldn’t.

_Is that where he goes? When he runs off every day? It would make sense that he runs away to someone he loves._

The thought stung. That Zayn left to go to someone he loved, and it wasn’t me. I hadn’t realised how strong my feelings were until I felt the tears prickling in the corner of my eyes. I let out a shaky breath and twisted my fingers together, growing more uncomfortable in my own skin by the second. I realised that he probably left last night to go to him, when I’d be sitting with him in my arms under the tree, he’s been broken, and then he ran. Ran to someone who could fix him, someone he let in. And it wasn’t me, he was chosen over me. The nameless boyfriend got to be everything I wanted to be. I sat numbly, staring absently off across the lake, trying to forget it when the nagging at the back of my mind kicked in again.

_Zayn always comes back with bruises._

If he runs off to someone who makes him feel safe, to someone he loves… Why does he come back with bruises and cuts? It doesn’t go hand in hand. Something is completely out of place with that. Who was hurting him when the only person he was with was…

_Oh. No…No, I’m jumping to conclusions. I don’t know that, there might be something else, they might be two completely different people. There could be a reasonable explanation…_

But know that I’d thought it just I couldn’t come to another conclusion. I felt sick, physically sick. My stomach was churning, and my head began to pound. Everything about this was so wrong. I knew I needed to do something, I had to speak to Zayn. But how could I? What would I say? Would I offend him? Would he tell me? I doubted it, he was more likely to shut me out worse than he had been. Was this why he had shut me out to begin with? Because he was so scared? If he was scared why did he keep going back?

The questions circulated around in my head, I could head my blood pumping in my ears and I began to feel dizzy. Everything was so wrong. I didn’t want it to believe it but it was the only plausible conclusion that I could come to.

Zayn was in an abusive relationship.

I heard a distant crunch then the squeaking of wooden boards. I spun around to look who was approaching and my heart stopped. His head was down and his hands were in his pockets. He hadn’t seen me yet, but I’d seen him. Nervously I shifted my weight, knocking a pole with my foot. His eyes snapped up and he froze like a deer in the headlights. His eyes were red and puffy – it was obvious he’d been crying. Did he know I knew?  I waited for him to move, half expecting him to run, but he didn’t. for a good three minutes he stood there silently, still as a statue, staring at me, anticipating my movements. Both scrutinizing each other I felt the tension rising until it was too much to take and I knew I had to break it.

When I spoke my voice was weak, raspy, cracking here and there because I was so overcome with emotions that I couldn’t contain any longer.

“So, a boyfriend, huh?”

 

 

 

 


	18. ~Eighteen: A reason why

 

**~Eighteen: A reason why**

 

 

 

Zayn didn’t move, he didn’t even blink. I had to look away after I spoke, I didn’t want him to see me cry, but the thoughts were tearing me up. How could he love someone who hurt him like that? Why was someone like that good enough but he couldn’t even bear to smile at me? I couldn’t comprehend it, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. It was the first time I doubted my want to know everything about him. But it didn’t last long.

“Yeah.”

I didn’t hear him approaching but now he was sitting beside me, his hands clasped tightly together in his lap, his eyes unwaveringly trained on them, like if he looked away something dreadful would happen.

I nodded slowly, not looking over at him, he would see the tear tracks on my cheeks and I wasn’t prepared to explain them yet. But there was something I wanted him to explain, something I needed to know.

“Did he hurt you again?” I asked bluntly, still staring straight ahead.

I heard Zayn’s sharp intake of breath beside me before he stuttered out, “I d-don’t kn-know what you’re t-talking ab-about…”

I smiled sadly, sort of ironically to myself and shook my head. This was twisted. And he couldn’t admit it.

“It took me a while to put it together, y’know. I figured that if he was your boyfriend that explains why you go running off so quickly every day. I even understand wanting to keep the relationship a secret.” I paused for a moment, the sick feeling was returning as I spoke. “Then I realized that every time you run away, you come back with… bruises… cuts… he’s the reason for your scars.”

“You’re wrong.” Zayn stated firmly.

It was too late, his previous, obvious nerves were a dead giveaway. I was sure if I looked over his eyes would contradict his voice. I did, he was looking away from me.

“I know I’m not… Do you love him?”

I was praying for his answer to be no. I didn’t want to accept that he could love a monster who could put him through any kind of pain. How could he not see how much he deserved? Love, affection, to be treated like the most precious thing in and out of this universe. I would be more than willing to give that to him, if only he would let me.

“More than anything.”

That was about it for me, fresh tears sprung to my eyes and before I could do anything to stop them they were cascading down my cheeks in perfect view. Zayn looked over at me after he spoke and froze all over again. His lips parted slightly in confusion and his brow furrowed.

“Liam, why are you…”

“Why do you love him? Why? If he hurts you, then why do you love him?!”

I couldn’t take it. I hated it. I didn’t know how to act, how to respond. I needed to know. I needed to know so that I could make him see that this was so wrong. I needed to save him if he wasn’t going save himself. I couldn’t stand by and let this continue, not now that I knew what was really going on.

“I told you, he doesn’t hurt me,”

This time I could see the lie in his eyes, hear the quavering in his voice. He couldn’t hide it.

“You can keep denying it, but I can see it in your eyes. I just want to know why.” I couldn’t walk away from this, not now.

“Why do you want to know?! So you can interfere? So you can take away the one thing that I live for?!” Zayn’s eyes became harsh and he was speaking through clenched teeth.

I flinched back at his word, letting them sink in. Did this guy really have such a hold over him? Was he that afraid? Or was he in that much denial about his relationship?

“You must live for more than that…” I whispered quietly to him.

I wanted him to live for me, for ‘us’ but that was asking far too much. I at least expected him to say Niall, or Harry even. But he shook his head and looked across the water again.

“Don’t you care about anyone else?” I knew I sounded fragile, weak, maybe even desperate, but I was far beyond caring by now.

“I…” Zayn started, but he quickly caught himself.

Clasping his jaw shut again he looked back down at his hands, becoming more involved with them than he had been originally. I waited, stupidly hoping he would continue, ignorantly waiting to hear what I knew I never would.

“Why do you let him do it?” I asked again after Zayn didn’t speak for a good ten minutes.

“He only does it when I deserve it…”

I felt like someone hit me in the chest, and hard. Struggling to find my breath I gapped at him, he couldn’t seriously believe that!

“Zayn… Y-you can’t be serious! What could you ever do to deserve that!?”

Zayn just shook his head, refusing to comment on the topic again.

“Why are you with this guy, why do you love him?” I needed to know, I just had to.

 

**[Zayn]**

“Why are you with this guy, why do you love him?” He’d already asked me this, but he asked again.

I looked over at Liam to find he was crying again – I didn’t understand that reaction. I expected him to be angry, but so far he just seemed confused and upset. I couldn’t put my finger on it, and I wasn’t sure if I was glad or nervous about it. I watched him carefully, searching his soft brown eyes in an attempt to decide whether I should tell him. I contemplated it briefly before I realized that the only way I could convince Liam to stay out of it and leave it to me, the only way I could keep things from getting worse between Jason and myself was by telling Liam the truth, and trying to make him see. I had to make him understand. And so I told him what I’d never told anyone.

 

****flashback****

_-Six Years Old-_

_When you’re young it’s hard enough to say goodbye to your mother at the beginning of the school day, but you get through that. You make it through six hours of kids poking fun at you, of teachers frowning at you, of falling over in the dirt, or trying to learn the alphabet. And you make it through that because you know when you get out, there she’ll be, your mum will be there to pick you up, and take you home, and cook you dinner, and tuck you in and kiss you goodnight. You make it through because you have a reason to smile, something to look forward to. Then there’s your dad. Every little boy needs a father right? No, not every, but I had one. A brilliant one, who inspired me, who made me want to make him proud. I wanted to see him smile, I wanted him to praise me, and to make me feel like I was doing it all right. He gave me a reason to try._

_That was my mum and dad, they were my reason. Because at sic years old there is no other reason, there’s just smiling, and the biggest reason for my smile was my mum and dad._

_And that’s why sitting beside Niall on a long wooden bench was so hard. I couldn’t understand how my mother and father weren’t beside me, but instead were in the two black oblong boxes before me and the rest of the crowd. I was old enough to know it meant they were never coming back, that they would never smile at me again. I was young enough to not to register it though.  In my mind they should have sat beside me. That’s what parents do, isn’t it? They are always beside you, no matter what. They love you for eternity and are always there to tell you that, right? I thought so, but apparently I was wrong. Because my parents would never do that again._

_I wasn’t listening to the various speeches, why would I be? They made no difference, I didn’t understand half the words any of the people were saying. No. I just sat there. And let’s be honest, I balled my eyes out. I sat there and I sobbed beside an also sobbing Niall and Niall’s mother. She told me I’d be living with them from now on, and it made me feel a little better, but I knew nothing would ever fill the hole that was left inside me. As I got older, the hole would grow larger. There was nothing I could do to stop it, I was six years old, all I knew how to do was cry and laugh, and I couldn’t bear to laugh, and I couldn’t bear to laugh at anything for weeks afterwards. So I sat and cried, I cried as men stepped forwards and lifted the coffins, walking them down the aisle, I cried as we travelled to the cemetery, I cried as they lowered the coffins into the ground. And when everyone gathered in Niall’s house afterwards I sat in a corner and cried while everyone spoke about my mum and dad, and even me. I didn’t stop. Niall left me alone because I shouted at him when he tried to make me play, and his mum told him that I needed some space. I was alone for an hour before someone came and sat beside me. I looked over and it was a boy, about eight years old._

_“Hi. I’m sorry about your mum, and your dad. My dad said I should come and tell you so.” He said a little sadly._

_I looked at him blankly for a moment, “thanks,” was all I said, and I only said it because I was told that I should when people told they were sorry._

_“I’m Jason.” The boy smiled brightly at me, like he didn’t have a care in the world, that was nice._

_Most people looked at me sadly now, and I didn’t like it, because that made me feel sad too. But the boy’s smile made me want to feel happy, even if I couldn’t be, it made me want to be._

_“I’m Zayn.”_

_“I know! Dad says he worked with your dad, he says ‘He was a good man, I’ll miss him,’”_

_I didn’t say anything to that. I would miss my dad a lot more than this boy’s father would._

_“I know it makes you sad when someone dies. My dog dies last week, my next-door neighbor ran over it. I cried all day, and I buried him under a tree. It made my chest hurt. But y’know what I think?” he asked, suddenly smiling brightly again._

_“No.” I answered honestly._

_“Can I tell you?”_

_“Okay.”_

_“I think that now he’s in a happy place. And that Pepper loved me, and he wouldn’t want me to be sad, so I’m going to be happy for him, and always love him, and never forget him, but most of all, I’ll be happy for him, always, because I love him. Maybe you could be happy for your mum and dad, I think they’d like that.”_

_A man came over as he finished telling me this and looked down at us, “Jason, it’s time to go.”_

_Jason stood up and so did I, I didn’t want to sit there alone anymore._

_Jason looked up at his father, “Alright,” he turned to me “Bye Zayn,” he unexpectedly gave me a hug, squeezing my small torso tightly._

_“Remember to be happy!” he called over his shoulder at me as his dad led him away._

_I stood there for a minute as he walked away with his dad and remembered his story. The next thing I knew I was smiling. For the first time since I got told that my parents were dead._

_-Seventeen Years Old-_

_I don’t have all that much to do with my time, I generally spend it with Harry, but he’s off with some girls from school, some annoying cake-faced boring girls. I know he’s just having a laugh, but I didn’t feel like it, laughing wasn’t really my thing. I guess I only let my guard down around Harry and Niall, and not random girls I’ve never spoken to before just because they look half-decent. So I just walked. I wasn’t going anywhere, I ended up at a park, and sitting at the base of a tree. There was an open field where a few guys a couple of years older than me were kicking a football, so I watched the ball from behind my sunglasses as I way to keep myself distracted. Suddenly it was flying in my direction._

_“Head’s up!” someone shouted, jogging after it._

_I caught the ball in my hands before it could collide with my face._

_“Sorry mate!” some laughed, standing over me._

_I took of my sunnies so I could get a proper look at them and they immediately frowned._

_“Hey, do I know you?” he asked, holding out his hands for the ball._

_I squinted up at him, there was something familiar about the warm smile, but I couldn’t place his face._

_“I don’t think so,” I shook my head, handing him the ball back._

_He took it but didn’t move, still watching me with a curious expression, “What’s your name?” he asked._

_I hesitated momentarily before answering. There was something captivating about his eyes and comforting about his voice, but I couldn’t understand it._

_“Zayn,”_

_The boy clicked his fingers and pointed directly at my forehead, “I do know you!”_

_His smile faded and I instantly found myself missing the warm infectious grin, “You do?”_

_He turned around and kicked the football back to his friend then sat down beside me._

_“Eleven years is a long time, I don’t blame you for not remembering me,” he smiled softly._

_I just frowned, I had no idea how I knew him._

_“You don’t look like you smile much,” he said thoughtfully, I knew my face was stony, “I thought I told you to be happy for your parents,”_

_My eyes widened as I was hit with the realization, “Jason?!”_

_“Hey,”_

****end flashback****

“I… I don’t know, but he helped me… And then when I ran into him again… We just clicked… And now… things have changed so much this past year…” I finished.

Liam didn’t speak for a while, he just let my story sink in.

“This had been going on for a year?” he asked slowly.

I shook my head, “No… He only started getting angry about six months ago…”

“I think I’m going to be sick.” Liam groaned, doubling over and holding his stomach.

That’s when I got to my feet. I couldn’t take that reaction from him. He was disgusted with me, and that was the last thing I wanted. He asked if there was anyone else I cared about. Of course I cared about Niall, but it wasn’t the same, and Harry was my best friend, but sometimes it felt like he didn’t know me at all, and since Louis he’s been much more distant. I had been about to say I care about him. About Liam. But I caught myself, he wouldn’t want to hear that. But I did, and I’d been fighting it for a long time, as much as I could, but the waves of emotions, like the concern, like the concern, like the desperation for him to understand, that I couldn’t control, just proved that I did care. And that was the reason I was in this mess. I began walking away when I felt his hand enclose my wrist and he spun me around.

“I still don’t understand, why didn’t you get out when this started?” he asked, his eyes clouded with confusion.

“Because I love him.”

“But, you must have known it was so wrong what he was doing to you, you must see that now…” he sounded so desperate to make me see it his way.

“I had nowhere else to go.” I surprised myself by saying this. It was true, but it wasn’t the main reason I stayed, the main one was that I loved him, and I didn’t ever see it turning out like this.

“And now?”

“I still love him…”

“You sound doubtful.” Liam stated, I felt his grip tighten on my wrist.

“I’m not.” I shook my head.

Liam took a step closer to me, his soft eyes boring into my painted one “You are.” He said quietly.

I looked away. “I still have nowhere else to go…”

Liam inhaled a quick breath, “You have me.”

 

 

 

 

 

 


	19. ~Nineteen: On my mind

**~Nineteen: On my mind**

 

 

 

 

**[Liam]**

Why did I say that? I’m such an idiot, that isn’t what he wants to hear? Why would I even think that would accomplish anything?!

Zayn’s expression was completely blank, there was no emotion in his eyes, the dark brown turned flat and I felt myself becoming uneasy. Slowly, he pulled his wrist out of my grip.

“I have to go,” his voice was so quiet it was barely audible.

“Please don’t. Please don’t go back there. Please… stay here…” I was practically on my knees begging him.

Zayn looked away from me again and shook his head. “I’m just going to see Harry…” he said in a half attempt to reassure me.

“How can I believe you?” I asked, not willing to let him go back to that bastard.

Zayn sighed and shifted his eyes back to mine, “You can take me to him, and keep Louis busy so I can talk to Harry.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“I don’t know.”

I took a shaky breath but agreed, I’d follow him everywhere to keep him from going back there. We walked away from the lake together and got in our separate cars, I asked Zayn to drive in front, and I think he was a little bit hurt by my distrust but I wasn’t willing to take any chances that he might slip away. The short drive wasn’t nearly enough time to think things through. I still had no idea what to do by the time we parked at the school. In fifteen minutes the classes would be over and kids would come streaming out. Zayn got out of his car and walked to the front, leaning in the bonnet and watching the school doors across the grounds, waiting for the crowd that contained his curly haired friend to appear. I watched for a moment before joining him.

“Please, don’t tell anyone…”

“Zayn… I can’t just stand by and watch…”

“Then why don’t you walk away?” he surprised me with the question. I looked over and examined his face, his forehead had frown creases, the corners of his lips turned downwards. He was visibly confused. “No one asked you to stand by and watch, you don’t have to be a part of this, you can walk away at any time, and I won’t blame you.”

I wanted to slap him for even considering I would do something like that.

“I’d blame me.” I said simply, but rather sternly.

Zayn’s frown just deepened but he remained quiet.

The doors slammed open and everyone came streaming across the lawns. Four boys were walking closely together right towards up but none had looked up and seen us. I felt Zayn tense up beside me and shift closer. I wanted to put my arm around him, reassure him that everything was going to be okay, but I was sure that was crossing a line – then again, a lot of people seemed to cross lines in his life. I felt sick again.

Niall was the first to look up, and without so much as hesitation he bolted to the car and grabbed Zayn in a hug.

“Where the fuck did you go?! Are you okay!? I’ve been worried sick!” he shouted in Zayn’s ear, not letting him go.

Josh and Louis stood back letting the brothers embrace, and Harry fell to the curb, sitting on the edge of the foothpath with his feet stuck out on the road. He slouched forward and crossed his arms resting his elbows on his knees. Louis was watching him sadly, but he made no effort to comfort him, which confused me.

“I’m sorry,” Zayn muttered quietly to Niall.

“SORRY?! Sorry doesn’t cut it! I kept Josh up till all hours because I was freaking out, and now he’s exhausted!”

I could tell Niall was just beginning a long rant, but Zayn interrupted him with a chuckle and a weak genuine smile.

“What’s so funny?!” Niall demanded, stepping back and crossing his arms.

“The first thing you worry about isn’t me, or you, it’s Josh.” Zayn smiled happily.

I watched him curiously as the smile spread across his face, there was a trace of longing in his eyes, and I was sure all he wanted was a relationship like that, where he was the priority, where he was shown nothing but love and trust.

“Well, that’s what you do when you’re in love,” Niall said matter-of-factly.

I saw Louis bite his lip and glance sideways at Harry, and I guessed they hadn’t said the three little words yet. Josh came forward and wrapped his arms around Niall from behind, who leaned back into his hold.

“Yeah, which is why I stayed up to listen to you carry on, you’re my number one,” Josh kissed Niall’s neck.

All traces of Niall’s annoyance at Zayn disappeared and the raven haired boy watched them fondly.

“I’ll be home tonight, I promise, but I want to talk to Harry…”

Niall looked unsure, “Harry?”

Harry lifted his head and looked over, “Mmm?”

“Look after him.” Niall directed. He already knew Harry would, so without waiting for an answer he took Josh’s hand and they walked away.

Louis knelt down beside Harry and whispered something in his ear, Harry nodded and the two quickly pecked each other’s lips before Louis straightened up and turned to me.

“Hungry?” he asked.

“Starved,” I really was, I hadn’t eaten all day.

I glanced nervously at Zayn as I pushed myself off his car, and hesitated beside him, a bit unsure of what to do next. I wasn’t ready to leave him, but he wanted to talk to Harry – who was still sitting on the curb and ignoring the situation.

Zayn surprised me by addressing me first, “I’ll call you later,” he promised.

I ignored the fluttering in my chest and nodded before offering the passenger seat in my car to Louis, who got in immediately.

 

**[Zayn]**

Liam pushed himself off the car and stood there looking at me awkwardly for a moment, I felt like he wanted to say something but he couldn’t find the right words, so I spoke for him.

“I’ll call you later,” I assured him, but I didn’t know if I would.

He drove away with Louis and I watched him go. There was a reason I wanted to talk to Harry, he didn’t know about the bruises. I sat down beside him, assuming the same position.

“Where did you go?” he asked after a moment.

“Somewhere I’m supposed to feel safe.”

“You don’t feel safe here?” Harry asked, still not looking at me.

“I feel alone here. At least I thought I did… but everything is so messed up now that I just don’t know anymore.”

“Am I a bad friend, Zayn? I didn’t notice things were bad for you, I should have seen how much you were hurting. I should have been here for you.”

“Oi. Stop it right now Styles! You didn’t know because I kept it from you. I didn’t want you to know… It was my secret, it made it special.”

Harry finally looked to me, confusion etched on his face, “What was your secret?”

I… I have a boyfriend… Had… I don’t know if I still do…”

“Yes Zayn, because I can go about judging that.” Harry rolled his eyes, but then a knowing smile formed on his lips, “I understand though… Well kind of. I’m still not really sure what’s going on or what I’m missing but I know I’m way, way waaayyyy out of the loop…”

I thought about how to wok this, I couldn’t tell Harry the full truth, but I needed him to help me figure this out.

The relationship… feels kind of destructive. It’s where I always go, and I went there after yesterday’s fight, but this morning we had a fight, and I don’t know if we’re together anymore…”

“Do you love him?” Harry asked.

“I need him,” I told him, not knowing why no one could understand.

“Need and Love are two different things Zayn, and they don’t always go hand in hand. I… I love Louis, he doesn’t know it, but I do. I love him, and I want to spend all my time with him, but I don’t _need_ him. I’d cope if he went away for a while, because I know he’d come back. And if something happened to him… I’d keep going, for him, y’know, I’d live my life. That’s what you do. If you just need this guy, maybe you shouldn’t be with him, maybe it’s unhealthy.”

“I don’t just need him.”

“But, when I asked if you loved him, all you thought of was need. Doesn’t that tell you anything?” Harry asked.

He was beginning to sound like the voice in my head, and I wasn’t sure if I liked that, the voice was always right – I knew that, as much as I tried to ignore it. Harry was right, the first thing I’d thought of was that I needed him, not that I love him. There was more to it though, still things that not even Liam had figured out. I couldn’t leave, even if I wanted to, because Jason needed me too.

“I can’t… I can’t leave him, I won’t.” I shook my head as I spoke.

“And why not?” Harry spoke to me differently to Liam. Liam was desperate for answers, Harry just asked, matter-of-factly, slightly curiously, but there was nothing to make me feel guilty if I didn’t answer. I liked that about Harry, he always made me feel so ease talking to him, I could hear he cared, but he also respected me enough to understand that it was always going to remain my decision what I did with my life.

“I can’t abandon him… His father did.”

Harry looked over at me now, “But you’re not his father, Zayn. If you walk away from a destructive relationship you’re not doing anything wrong. But if you stay out of obligation rather than love, you are.”

I knew was right, when he put it like that how could I doubt it? “I just don’t know what I’d do without him…”

“Move on? Find someone else?”

“What if no one will have me? I’m messed up Harry… I know I hide it, but I am! No one really knows me, you know that. You’re as close as it gets, and… Harry what if no one else could ever love me. I need somebody, because I don’t have anybody. You have Louis now, and Niall has Josh. I’m alone if I lose Jason. I need him, he needs me.” I could feel myself growing frantic as I let my worries pour from between my lips.

“Zayn.” Harry placed both hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him. “Don’t think like that, you’ll never know if you don’t let anyone in, you can’t live in fear. Besides, Liam’s alone if you want to talk about us all being paired off, and by the way he was freaking out about you yesterday I would give him the benefit of the doubt.” Harry was smirking now.

I flashed back to what Liam said earlier, when he said I had him. Would he really take me? Even if he would, it would be months before I was ready for another relationship, before I was truly over Jason…

_You’re really considering this!?_

**_…No, I can’t._ **

_Yes, you can. Even Harry sees it! Liam would wait for you. Take your friend’s advice, he’s not an idiot, Harry knows what he’s saying._

I couldn’t believe I was really considering leaving Jason…

“Liam’s….” I bit my lip thinking about him.

Ever since I laid eyes on him, his warm brown eyes, that addictive smile and the way his eyes got all crinkled up, it lit up the whole room. I was always smiling back… the twists in my stomach, my unsteady breathing when he was around… All the things I’d been ignoring right up until now.

“He’s good for you… I think if you let him in… You wouldn’t regret it. You just need to sort out this Jason guy first.”

Harry left me with a lot to think about. Liam left me with mixed emotions. I sat in the middle of my bed bouncing a ball against the wall above my headboard repeatedly. Liam was on my mind, ideas and scenarios forming in my mind of what could be, then I was filled with guilt as I thought about Jason, I couldn’t leave him, but being with him wasn’t helping either of us. He needed something that I couldn’t give to him, and he needed help. I took out my phone and went into the contacts.

_“I’ll call you later,”_

I’d said I would… So maybe I should… Right? What would I say…?

I took a deep breath as my thumb hovered over his number, feeling an overwhelming sensation of nerves, ones that brought a smile to my face, not ones that filled me with dread like when I went to see Jason. The thought was enough to push me that little bit I needed. I hit call and held the phone to my ear chewing my bottom lip as I waited for him to answer.

When I heard his melodic voice, my heart skipped a beat. That was enough for me to know what I had to do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii please don't hate me, sorry it took soooo long to update i've been honestly very busy in college, and i wan't receiving so much feedback and that's one of the reasons why i didn't update it plus it' a very old story. but now it's the end of my semester so i can continue updating! Please don't hate! x


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